


reflecting in your eyes (like an endless summer)

by Valkyrees



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Vampires, little angst, lots of fluff, smut eventually as always, soft, warning for vampire oppression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2020-10-27 13:47:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 61,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20761346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valkyrees/pseuds/Valkyrees
Summary: -"That’s what friends are for," Lena says, breath hitching as she licks her lips. Then she takes a slow step forward, and then another, and suddenly she's close-up in Kara's space, silky hair draped over her shoulders, with her flowery perfume and long lashes and her exposed neck craned in the direction of Kara's mouth. Suddenly, Lena's heart is drumming, beating so fast, so fucking loud, that Kara feels like she has a heartbeat herself, feels like it's slugging against her chest wall thick enough to match the tension in the air.Suddenly, Kara's fangs pop out and she... sighs. Because they both know what it means when it happens involuntarily.OR,the vampire au.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [TUMBLR](https://valkyrieskwad.tumblr.com/) and [TWITTER](https://twitter.com/VaIkyrieSquad). Come hang out with me!
> 
> <3

"So, what do you think?" Lena asks, tilting her head, and Kara's chest feels tight the second she looks up.

This is the fourth choker Lena's asked her opinion on, and she's pretty sure her mind blanks every single time she takes in the leather across her skin, every time she watches Lena swallow or sees her breath catch, throat twitching when she stretches it out like she's nervous.

God, Kara's staring again. "I really like the black one, I think," Lena tells her, "but I could go with blue or red or purple if you think one of those is better. I could try them on again if you want me to."

"No, that's okay," Kara says fast, eyes gliding across the skin of Lena's neck so fucking obviously it makes her shoulders stiffen when she catches herself. It feels like there's so much tension in the air, and for the life of her, she can't figure out _why_.

Sure, she's a vampire, but that doesn't mean it's okay to be weird about this, to get fidgety just _looking _at Lena's neck. _Sure_, she drinks blood and has fangs, and every once in a blue moon she gets the urge to sink her teeth into something fleshy, but an inherent neck fetish isn't a part of her identity. She doesn't even think about necks normally, or look at them or _care_ about them, but—

There's something about _Lena _drawing her attention to it that gets under her skin, that makes her notice things she otherwise wouldn't: like the way Lena's neck is corded with muscle when she strains it, how it's dotted with _the_ most adorable freckles. How it's _long_ and pretty and always mid-winter pale, like it's straight from a jewelry spread in a high-end magazine, like it's something that deserves its page ripped out, blown-up, framed and hung on the living-room wall. It drives Kara absolutely crazy just looking at it, but it's about more than that, and she knows it.

She's more than aware that this is just the end of a very long list of reasons she has to be in love with Lena.

She knows she's hopeless in more ways than she'd like to admit, and if it's not Lena's neck, then it's her eyes or her hair or her mouth. Lena always makes her feel like she's teetering too close to the edge of a cliff, like she has to constantly remind herself it's not safe to jump, that she won't survive the fall, let alone the swim. She doesn't have a heartbeat, but somehow, her heart always feels erratic. Because it's Lena. It's always been Lena. Kara just... really fucking likes her, is the thing, but it's not _just_ about her neck.

"The black one looks perfect," she finally says, pulling her eyes down to where she's toeing at the carpet. She always does that around Lena, always looks away and tries her best to hide how obvious it is that her mind is racing. "Where'd you say you're going?"

"To see my ex-boyfriend," Lena says, giddy like it's a _date_, like she's looking good just for _him_, and it doesn't matter that it ended. "We're meeting up since he has some things of mine that I need back."

"And you need to wear a choker for that?" Kara asks, hoping she doesn't sound disappointed, but keeping her eyes on the floor just in case she does. It's like she can't even hide it anymore. "Thought you said he was a jerk."

"Yeah, he's a real dick," Lena says dryly, and Kara glances up just in time to catch her fiddling with the choker, adjusting it on her neck, black leather with a small heart carved out right in the center.

Kara isn't obsessed with necks, she isn't, _no_, but she's not imagining the fact that Lena only wears low-cut shirts now, or the fact that she only sends selfies with her full-neck in view. Like the one she sent angled upwards to showcase her earrings, or the one she sent right after hot yoga, where her skin was glistening and Kara could practically taste the salt from how slick she looked.

But, not like, in a creepy way. She's not weird about it, or at least she _thinks_ she's not, it's just... _ugh. _Maybe she's reading too much into it; maybe she _is _weird about it and needs to shove it to a faraway corner of her mind.

"The choker's just the first part of my plan to drive him crazy," Lena goes on, fingers still dancing on the leather even now that she's got it positioned perfectly. "I've got it all figured out."

"What's the next part, then?" Kara asks, shoving her hands in her pockets and looking away again. Lena would never be interested in her _in that way_, anyway, let alone want Kara's fangs in her neck. Besides, Kara's not even into that, so. "Why do you need to drive him crazy?"

"He was a _dick_, Kara, did you not hear that part?" she asks, like it logically follows that she should look _good_ for him as a punishment. "The next part is the hickey I'll have from my _new_ boyfriend. The choker is just to draw his attention to it."

"Your what?" Kara asks, lifting her head fast enough that her bangs tumble over her forehead. "You have a new boyfriend?"

"No, you'd be the first to know," Lena says, lips pressed together as she rolls her eyes. It's intense and sassy, but it's _playful_, like there's a fire dancing behind her irises and both her and Kara are in it together. She always has this way of making Kara feel included, even when she's not. "The hickey is just to make him _think_ I have a new boyfriend. That's it."

"Oh. But you don't have a hickey," Kara points out, and Lena just smiles. Like it's a silly thing to say, like there's something Kara's not getting that should be painfully obvious. Then she tilts her head and drops her eyes to Kara's lips, and suddenly it _is_ painfully obvious. "Lena, I _can't_."

"_Kara_," Lena frowns. "It's like six seconds of licking my neck, it's not the end of the world." _But i'm a vampire,_ Kara wants to say out loud, except that gives them a bad reputation. Really, she should say, _but i'm in love with you_. _i've loved you all along and Jesus christ this is pushing me over the_ edge, but _god,_ she just can't get the words to formulate for some reason.

"You're my best friend, who else am I gonna ask to do this? I need you," Lena pleads, then she pauses like she's waiting for Kara to speak, but Kara just stays silent, mind still stuck on lovelove_love, _so Lena shrugs and says, "Fine, I'll just grab a guy in the lounge."

"No," Kara blurts, like her mouth processes that faster than her brain does. "I'll do it."

"Awesome," Lena says.

"That's what friends are for," Lena says.

"Um," Kara sputters.

And then suddenly Lena's close in front of her, with her flowery perfume and long lashes and exposed neck delicately craned in the direction of Kara's mouth. Suddenly Lena's heart's beating so fast, so _loud_, that Kara feels like she has a heartbeat herself, feels like it's practically thrumming out of her chest. Suddenly, Kara's fangs pop out, and she—_god_, she knows Lena knows what that means when it happens involuntarily, and she's so incredibly embarrassed she could probably crawl in a hole right now.

"I'm so sorry," she says, trying her best to bury her fangs in her bottom lip.

She spent so many years telling herself they're perfectly okay, but now they just seem so offensive and unwanted and _why_ does she have them—she drinks blood from animals that's packaged and uncontaminated. She'll never, ever have to hunt for her food it's such an ancient concept, ugh.

"For what?" Lena asks, as if she's not even fazed, head still tilted as if Kara's still supposed to like? Give her a hickey. With her fangs out, with her fangs that are trying to either express _i want to eat you_ or _i'm so turned on right now i could just... eat you_ or a combination of the two.

"I can't," she tries to explain. "I mean it's too dangerous if my fangs are out. I could puncture the skin or something."

Again, Lena just shrugs, like even _that _isn't a big deal, like Kara sinking her fangs in her neck isn't weird or creepy or like, at the very least, slightly painful. "We have to hurry, need to leave soon so I can be just slightly late."

Her voice sounds calm, low and even in that dreamy way that just screams Lena Luthor, but... Kara can hear her heartbeat. Kara can hear the cadence of her breathing, can see how tense she is and how her chest is rising and she can smell, _god_, she can smell _Lena_, and fuck. Lena _has_ been sending her pictures, Kara's not imagining it, and sometimes it just. Sometimes it feels like they're more risqué than they should be, or like, more revealing or something. And they're always always always accentuating her neck, even when Kara's actively trying not to think about it.

And she could be crazy, could be batshit losing her mind so horny she's making crap up crazy, but right now she can swear that Lena's (at least a little, tiny bit) turned on. And that, that's a lot to _process_, let alone figure out what to _do with it_. Kara could go with her gut and explain that, what? That she's not interested in drinking Lena's blood if that's what she's searching for. But that wouldn't be honest, would it? She's been fantasizing about that for a while now, is the truth of it.

Kara Danvers doesn't spend her days fantasizing about _necks_, plural, she spends them thinking about Lena's. And now it's right there, in front of her, _angled_ towards her, and—_christ_, what is she even thinking. "Lena, I'm not drinking your blood, you know that. Stop this."

"Oh, um, I - I mean that _wasn't_, like," Lena stumbles, and then just settles on pouting before she decides, like absolutely nothing just happened, "That's fine. Um. I'm gonna get ice cream from the store, wanna tag along and get a blood-pop?"

It's a fast enough shift to give Kara major whiplash, but she's excellent at going with the flow when it comes to Lena, so.

"Yeah, of course," she says, and then she listens closely to the decrescendo of Lena's heartbeat, just hoping it'll calm her imaginary one.

Kara knows it's an actual _thing_; she isn't oblivious about it.

She knows there are people who're more than okay with offering warm blood straight from the source, ones who don't mind the fangs or maybe even _like_ them. She knows there are even non-violent ways to drink human blood like donations and whatnot. But it's all a slippery slope if you ask her. It's like X-Men, where the mutants have to protect the typical humans or else they're the bad guys—always straddling the line between safety and one small slip, between freedom and losing all rights and autonomy.

The moment vampires show an increased interest in human blood consumption, is the moment they get hunted again.

And Kara's not interested in that, already lost her entire family in the last war, already spent twenty-four years in a sleep chamber just praying she'd wake up in a time where _stake and bake_ parties weren't a popular pass time.

And she _did_, weirdly and miraculously, she did. She woke up in a world on the cusp of change, one that took a while to iron out the kinks. But one she can finally exist in _mostly_ peacefully, nonetheless. She doesn't want to mess that up for a _sweet drink_ or a couple of seconds with her fangs in some cute girl's neck. She doesn't want to go back to the way things used to be all because Lena Luthor is rich and beautiful and soft in a way that shows she's never had to fight in her life. She doesn't want to do that, no, is perfectly happy with the way things are.

Except, _she's not_.

Except that's just _a lie_ she tells herself to make it better, like a bandaid over a gaping wound. Because Lena isn’t just _any_ regular girl. Because she's _different_. Because she's smart and amazing and generally fucking heart fluttering, and she’s also incredibly _brave_.

Because even though her mother pretty much leads the current anti-vamp crusade, Lena’s been adamantly and publicly against her.

Lena’s spoken out and protested and aligned herself in a way that alienates her from her entire family. Lena’s gone on the front lines and gotten smoke-bombed and given blood to animal-allergic vampires.

Lena’s _different_, Kara knows that. She knows, on some level, that Lena’s not _just another girl that wants her blood sucked_, that maybe she thinks she’s trying to help, or she maybe even has a little bit of a _thing_ for Kara. But it’s complicated. It’s complicated in a way that Lena can’t comprehend no matter how well-intentioned she is.

"Hey, Ms. Danvers," Lena greets, rolling Kara’s name out like it’s candy in her mouth, plopping down _close_ in Kara’s space on the library couch. She’s wearing the choker casually now, and Kara hasn’t taken a breath since she started. "Lunch date?"

"Can’t, right? Your mom’s minions are occupying our usual spot, and you know I hate the blood at Carson’s."

"Not an issue," Lena says, leaning in and draping herself over Kara, jasmine body wash suddenly filling up every inch of Kara’s brain. "Already snuck in and got your favorite, can picnic it under the oak tree?"

"I have work," Kara says, but she’s already shutting her book and turning so Lena’s head is resting on her shoulder. "Some of us don't have a big, genius brain."

Lena rolls her eyes, but they bright up afterwards in a way that hits Kara hard in the belly. "Some of us are _immortal_, Ms. Danvers. Trust, half this shit will be debunked a hundred years from now. Don't waste your time."

"It helps it pass faster," Kara comments, but Lena's already tossing her book in the general direction of her backpack.

"I can think of at least a million better ways to pass the time faster, using my big, genius brain and all."

Kara's half-tempted to ask _like what_, but the other half of her is a bit afraid of the answer. Particularly if it involves Kara's mouth on Lena's neck, which she shouldn't even be thinking about; no one brought that up.

"The oak tree sounds great, didn't forget my sun protection this time." She shifts again on the couch and Lena lifts her head, their faces close enough Kara could kiss her without even having to move much. "Lillian's really ramping up, don't you think? Haven't seen this much unrest since right after the peace accords."

"She's just stirring shit up, but it won't go anywhere," Lena comments, except six vampires have been murdered since the start of the year and there haven't been any repercussions. "I just—I mean, I know it's scary, but we're on the right side of this, and—"

"The right side always wins?"

"It does when it has me," Lena assures her, and it looks like she actually means it. "I mean, I'm just a smarter version of her, aren't I?"

Kara gets her arm around Lena and pulls her in close, considering for a second how to answer that. She knows Lena has a precarious relationship with her family, and it's hard not to stray too far to either side, but Lillian's been as shit as possible to vampires, and it's also hard to ever get on board with that.

Family or not.

"I think you're a lot more than that. But if I had to pick a Luthor to be on my side, it'd always be you, okay?" Lena nods, hums and cuddles closer, and Kara lets her mind drift a moment. She lets herself think of the Krypton settlement, the sound of it burning and her being snatched from her bed, the thought that chaos could ever erupt like that again, and... then she decides thinking about the picnic is better than that.

"Anyway," she says, sucking in a deep breath and perking up, "let's go eat, yeah?"

It's a bright, bright day at the park, they figure out, so Lena offers they can use the tent.

It's probably since the last time they picnicked, Kara was sunburnt for two weeks, and Lena spent the entire time pouting and over-using the medicated lotion to make it better. Kara _did_ bring her sun-blocker this time, though, so she's not _as_ worried, but she still doesn't turn down the chance to be snugged against Lena again.

She could spend all day lounging with her, cuddling to the sound of the wind blowing, face pressed against her hair, fingers curling in whatever shirt Lena's wearing or making excuses to play with her hands. _God._ She's so in love with Lena it hurts to think about it sometimes, but it also feels like it's so much more than that, so much more than anything physical or just pure attraction or anything to do with romance.

She's just, never experienced anything like the way Lena looks at her and talks to her, the way Lena's gentle when she touches Kara and considerate with her feelings. It's like Kara's this delicate, fragile being that needs to be loved and protected, like she's something to be handled carefully because she's important and matters and means a lot.

Kara's used to being the beast, branded the killer, highlighted for speed and strength in the most negative of ways, so. It's like, in a way, Lena's the only person that's ever let Kara feel even a little bit human, even a little like she blends in, and it's nice to have that feeling.

"Don't you have super speed?" Lena asks, leaning against the oak tree in her sleeveless shirt and wide-brimmed black hat, not bothering to help Kara set up the tent. Kara _does_ have super-speed, is the thing. But it's one of the first things they learned during integration—don't use your abilities around the humans, because it scares them. The more that vampires look like them, the more they can be trusted.

She hates mentioning that around Lena, though, hates talking about all the ways she has to blend in and limit herself. And it's not even that Lena _wouldn't_ understand, but that she _would._ Whenever Kara's brought it up before, it's always sparked a flare in Lena, _rage_ and indignation at how shitty things are. And as much as Kara would like to feel that too, she's just grateful vampires have gotten where they are now.

"I'm immortal, remember?" she says, securing the tent loops in the ground with the stakes, trying not to think negatively about it. "There's no use in moving fast when you've got all the time in the world."

"I guess so. But, I think I'd use my powers all the time if I were a vampire," Lena says, slinking down on the tree a bit more, knee-caps pinking from grazing in the sun too long. "I'd be a thousand times more efficient. Like, could you imagine being a daughter of Alura? Heard all her progeny could _fly_. I'd love to fly."

"All of her progeny are dead," Kara comments, before she can stop herself, and then adds, quickly, "But yeah, I mean, flying sounds cool."

"You never talk about _your_ maker much," Lena comments, lifting off the ground now that the tent's set up. "And, you know, not to pry or anything like that, but I'd be really interested in hearing about them. Even if they weren't that great or something. After all, Lillian isn't exactly the Hallmark of caretakers. So, I get it if it isn't the best story."

"Yeah, of course," Kara says, feeling the suns' heat particularly now, like the more they talk about Alura and makers and flying and powers, the more it sears into her skin. "One day, yeah? Right now we have a picnic."

"Okay," Lena says, then she nibbles her lip and sucks a breath and then she _smiles_, perking up as she walks over to join Kara.

It's not much of a picnic, as it turns out, just Kara barely finishing her blood drink and Lena barely nibbling on a sandwich. But Lena tells Kara a little bit about her childhood, about horse-riding and how she spent a lot of time learning how to ride well, but never learned how to look good doing it, never learned how to be impressive enough to compete in anything.

Kara tells her she thinks she looks good, anyway. That she's probably more impressive than she thinks.

Then Lena tosses the rest of her sandwich in her bag, waits for Kara to top off her drink, and proceeds to tackle her into a cuddle that's too warm for the hot day. But neither one of them are complaining about it.

"I didn't mean to offend you earlier," Lena says, locking legs with Kara and resting her chin on her shoulder. "I mean, didn't want to invade your space with talking about your maker. I just know we talk about my fucked up family a lot, and wanted you to know you can talk too."

"I know," Kara says, fingers dancing at the edge of Lena's shirt, her mind daring her to slip them under and trail them up her back, wondering wondering wondering how Lena might respond to it. "It's just a little complicated and I want to figure out the right words first."

"But you _do_ wanna tell me?" Lena asks, nibbling her lip hopefully, the red of it slipping beneath her white, white teeth.

And... _ah_, Kara decides it's probably not the best time to try anything, so she just rests her hand on the band of Lena's shorts instead. "Yeah, more than anything," she says. "I'll tell you one day. I swear."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thanks everyone for reading and commenting and making me feel comfy having the creative freedom to write some cray shit. hope everyone enjoys!

The first time Kara saw Lena, she thought she was made of moonlight.

They were in the forest on the outskirts of campus, and it was so dark that Lena looked ethereal almost, unfathomable, like cream in a mist of black smoke. Which would be poetic, maybe, if Kara didn't mean that in literally the _most_ terrifying way possible. It wasn't like a cute scene from a movie where she saw a pretty girl and her jaw dropped. She assumed Lena was in the forest being evil, made from darkness, that she wanted to kill, snatch souls, do that life-sucking thing that turns a person into a husk right after. 

But Lena wasn't there to do any of that.

She was just a _human_ trekking home from a long night of gardening in the uni greenhouse, using the world's scariest shortcut as if things didn't actually go _bump_ in the night. Which left Kara in the awkward position of explaining that _she_ was in the forest past-_dark_dark hunting small prey, because she was too afraid to go inside the vampire-friendly restaurants.

She also had to explain that she _hissed_ at Lena because vampires are a bit terrified of… well, _demons_.

Which isn't even true, it's mostly just Kara that's terrified of demons, but that's what twenty-four years alone in a cramped chamber will do to a mind. Either way, Lena just smiled at that, big and wide and all teeth, untying her sweat-damp bandana from around her forehead and reversing it as she said, "You thought I was a demon, and your gut reaction was baring your fangs and doing a kitten screech?"

Which made Kara pout, ridiculously, killing machine that she is, and explain that, "Vampires are only kittens insofar that we're the height of apex predators. That wasn't a _screech_, it was a warning noise, and my fangs were out in defense preparation."

Which, for some reason, made Lena smile even wider and say, "Sure, but that's what cats do whenever you bring out the vacuum cleaner. You know, definitely screams top of the food chain."

And they've been friends ever since.

Honestly, they've had each other's backs through thick and thin right from the start.

Even through Lena admitting her mother, no, her _family_ has a long history of being staunchly anti-vampire, even through Lena making the decision to cut them off, even through Kara freaking out every day for weeks before she finally had the courage to let a human in.

Kara supposes they're going through a new thing now, whatever the heck it is—whatever makes her feel like all the human functions she lost are somehow malfunctioning, whatever makes her keep wiping her palms on her jeans even though they can't sweat, whatever makes her chest ache even though her heart can't beat. Whatever makes her stomach fluttery, even though—well.

Actually, that one isn't completely lost on vampires. She'd just probably get shit for it.

Her bigger point is, at the end of the day, her and Lena have been through a lot, so they'll get through _this_.

They'll get through whatever makes Lena pout when Kara's sad, and makes Kara's fangs pop out unnecessarily, and makes them act weird around each other when they've been nothing but comfortable right from the start.

They are probably, however, not going to get through it today. Today they're still weird.

"I'm not just reading too much into it, right? This is... what do you think this is? It's weird, right?" Kara asks, handing her phone over to James as they sit on the park bleachers.

They're waiting for the others to arrive so they can start up a game of basketball, and maybe, _hopefully_ not have it turn into a full-contact sport this time.

But that's always a moot point when it comes to wolves; since they're sort of _always_ aggressive and quick tempered, and always always always play like it's the last game they're ever going to have in their lives. Which, honestly, is exactly why Kara loves playing with them.

James takes the phone from her hand and only looks at the screen a few seconds before he snorts, brown eyes darting from the phone to Kara playfully. 

"You know, she didn't even send _me_ texts like this when we were actually _dating_," he says, and Kara feels like that's partially a joke, but her heart still swells thinking there's something exclusive about her and Lena. "She likes you, Kara."

"As a friend, yes, I know," Kara says, nodding her head for emphasis. "But friends don't just—"

"No, they don't," James cuts her off, laughing in that way that's mocking and familiar at the same time. Like Kara's being laughed at, but she still feels like she can laugh with him. "Look, Lena's confusing and hard-headed at the best of times, which is why we clashed. But when she likes you, she's clear about it."

"She's not confusing _or_ hard-headed," Kara defends. "You just didn't get her."

"No, I didn't," James shrugs. "But it seems like you do. And it seems like you like her, too. So, what's the hold up?"

He hands her back her phone and Kara twists it in her hands, considering that. She doesn't exactly know how to phrase it, but, "You know how you couldn't tell her you were a wolf, and you felt like that hurt the relationship a bit?"

"Yeah, but everyone already knows you're a vampire, so that shouldn't be an issue, right?"

"That wouldn't be," Kara says, tucking her phone in her bag as she glimpses the others coming. "But there _are_ some things I... There's some stuff I'm not sure I can be honest with her about, and—_god_, I'm not even sure if she really likes me."

"You're hopeless," James says, shoving her shoulder, smiling wide. "Look, Kara, I love you and you're one of my best friends, but I need you to get it together with this Lena thing. Especially if you're on my team today. We can't have you groaning about being in love while we're trying to win."

"_Hey_," Kara laughs, shoving him back. "Shut up, whatever, bet I put up more points than you today, anyway."

"Twenty dollars, you're on."

"Make it thirty," Kara says, and then shoves James once more for good measure, before she gets up and skips down the bleachers.

"How was basketball today?" Lena asks, rosy-cheeked and tired, wearing nothing but her black hip-hugger undies and Kara's old _Pearl Jam_ t-shirt. A combination that has Kara taking deep breaths every few seconds. "Did you win?"

"Yah, was fun," Kara slurs around her toothbrush, doing her best to keep her eyes on Lena's face and not her perfect, amazing, creamy thighs. Fuck, Kara's staring again. "Won most of the games, but lost a bet with James. Thirty dollars. Could you spot me money for lunch tomo?"

"I'm gonna murder him, god, and _you too_," Lena says, rolling her eyes, but Kara just smiles. She says that every week when Kara inevitably loses the bet. It's sort of tradition now.

Lena joins her at the sink after fixing up her hair in a bun, checks her face, rubs her cheeks, and then she grabs her toothbrush like it's the most natural thing in the world, like it's normal that they just... _exist _together, side by side, doing everyday things.

It gets Kara thinking: maybe it _is_ weird that Lena has a toothbrush in her personal bathroom, and maybe James had an _actual_ point, and they _did_ have that moment a few days ago, and then there's all the neck texts.

But also, _maybe_, it's all just a massive coincidence.

"You're coming with me to trivia tomorrow night, right?" Lena asks, inspecting her teeth in the mirror, spot picking with floss. "It's usually just me and Sam and a straggler, but you haven't met Sam yet, and I think having a vampire might be nice. On the team."

"Yeah, course. I'm a vamp of my word, aren't I?" Kara asks. She thinks about flossing herself, but decides it's too tedious. "Besides, I'd help out any time you needed, never have to convince me, alright?"

"Thanks," Lena gushes, cheeks a little bit rosier, like she's _blushing_. Jesus. Kara adds that to her list of _maybe _weird things. "It'll be fun, promise," she goes on, nudging Kara's arm. "Anyway, you want to cuddle a bit and watch AHS before we head to bed? I'd watch it alone, but this season's scary and I like that you let me maul your arm every time some shit goes down."

"Yeah, sure, I love a good arm maul," Kara laughs, knocking shoulders with Lena. "And a good cuddle, so. You've sold me."

"Alright," Lena smiles back. "We can start after I wash my face."

Truthfully, Kara's never seen Lena afraid even _once_ during their horror watching sessions. But Lena's always _snuggly_, warm and soft and heavy, and like hell if Kara's ever going to object to having an arm wrapped around her. So, maybe this goes on the list of weird things, too. Maybe the list is dumb and Kara should just stop making it.

"Sarah Paulson is so attractive," Lena says, inching backwards so her shoulder blade is pressing against Kara's chest. "I mean, so is Angela Bassett. I feel like this show is half me being in love with the actresses, and the other have is trying to figure out if it's actually quality content."

"What a dilemma," Kara says. "Back in my day, we didn't even have these moving picture boxes."

She itches her cheek against Lena's arm and waits for her to laugh, _hopes_ she'll laugh. And she does, but it's right as a body shows up on screen, burnt crispy and hoisted up. So Lena's laugh is cut off by her twisting up her lips to say, "Ew, that's gross. But also, I don't know, I guess I really appreciate their dedication to the gore."

Kara doesn't mind the gore, but she doesn't know if she appreciates it, and she _really_ doesn't appreciate the idea of spirits or demons zooming around and causing mass havoc. 

But she appreciates _Lena_, is the thing, loves watching with her. And like, how could she not, when Lena's nice and positive and encouraging about everything, when she's always the first one willing to right a problem for Kara, when horror stuffs makes her laugh or intrigues her or makes her start spouting off on a twenty minute rant/analysis of why certain things shouldn't happen, getting worked up to the point where she _apologizes_, and blushes about it.

Kara's just a little smitten, maybe, just a little bit.

"Looks like this one's ending, still wanna pace them out?" Kara asks.

Lena looks like she considers that for a second, then she places her hand warm on Kara's thigh and says, "Just one more."

Kara's not sure what time they fall asleep, but she knows she wakes up with a startle; wakes up with an arm around her waist and is half-into gripping her hand around the sweat-slick skin of it, when Lena's voice wafts against her ear. "It's okay, just a storm. I'm here with you."

Which does shit-all to reorient Kara, until there's a crack of thunder loud enough to shake the entire room, and _oh_. Storm. There's a storm. Lena's here, in her room, cuddling her. "I hate thunderstorms," she grumbles, turning and shoving her face into her pillow, finally letting Lena's wrist go.

They share a campus apartment, so they technically have their own rooms, but that's never really stopped them from finding reasons to sleep together. It's all innocent, though, nothing to go on the _weird_ list: they'd both just rather not sleep alone. Especially when it comes to storms, especially when it comes to _thunderstorms _in particular.

Maybe other times are accidents or convenience or just to stay warm, but storms are when they need each other most.

"Yeah, me too," Lena says, shifting a little behind Kara, smooth skin rubbing against the backs of Kara's thighs. She clears her throat then, nuzzling her nose against Kara's shoulder, then whispers, soft and slow, "Hey, um, don't freak out or anything, but I think you were having a nightmare before the thunder sound, and then the noise made you jump, and um. I think you hurt my wrist a bit. But, don't freak out, like I said. I can still flex my fingers, it's just... sore?"

Oh.

It feels like the air and the heat and everything else gets sucked out of the room all at once.

"Um," Kara says, breathless, mind in a frenzy, because it feels like her world is _stopping_, crashing around her too fast for her to hold on to something. It's the first time she's ever hurt Lena, and she doesn't know _what to do_. "Did I? You mean—"

"I said don't freak out. It's nothing, just wanted to point it out in case you saw bruising in the morning, and—_fuck_." Lena shifts her weight, nudges Kara until she's on her back and Lena can roll on top of her, warm and pretty, so pretty even when she's shrouded in the darkness. Greens of her eyes flicking with the lightening strikes. Kara feels like she's shaking, chest rattling underneath Lena because all her breaths are too shallow and too quick. God, maybe she's hyperventilating. "It's okay. I promise it's okay."

"I'm sorry," Kara whispers, _glad_ she doesn't have a heart beat too, pretty sure it'd be shattering through her chest wall right now. "Do you wanna go back to your room. You could sleep alone so I don't—"

"Not a chance," Lena says, pressing her full weight on Kara so she can nudge at her arms until Kara lifts them above her head. Then she trails her good hand over Kara's bicep, over her forearm until she's gently gotten Kara's wrists pinned, the entire time Kara fighting the urge to like, hump up against Lena. Because that _would_ be weird, really super _weird_. "Just watch your hands, and it's alright."

Kara flexes her fingers and presses on the weight of Lena's hold, swallowing in a dumb way that's too damn audible. "Yeah, of course. Sorry, I—I just wasn't, _god_. I'm so sorry, Lena. I don't know what happened, I was—"

"Hey," Lena says, dropping her arm so she's hugging Kara's sides. Kara makes sure she keeps her arms _up_, wishes they could at least cuff them to the headboard or something, because _ugh_. "_Hey_, I said it's okay, alright? So, it's okay. It's _okay_. Let's get some sleep."

Except they don't get sleep. Except Kara finds Lena in the bathroom half-an-hour later, with a wrist that's three times its normal size, _definitely_ broken, stained with red and purple bruising. She tries her best to not throw up her dinner with how hard her stomach drops.

"We should get you to emergency services," she says, voice low to match her spirits.

"Yeah," Lena says. "I think that's generally a good idea. But, considering the circumstances, maybe something else would be better."

"Like what?" Kara asks, scratching her fingers at her legs and looking down down down, because she hates the terrible dread in her chest, hates she fucked up so bad. 

Vampires don't even _need_ to sleep, is the thing. Most don't, not really, but they can. And they can even get good at it, and it can even feel refreshing. It's just something Kara perfected in the sleep chamber, something that helps her seem a little less weird around humans, but. _God_. It's not worth it, blending in will never, ever be worth _this_.

"Lena, I'm so incredibly sorry," she says, looking back up, eyes avoiding Lena's wrist, twisting her hands together, scraping her nails across her palm. "Whatever it is, I'll do it. Whatever you need me to do. I'll even run us there, if it's faster. Or pay for the Uber, or—"

"I don't think we should go," Lena says softly. "Or, at least, you shouldn't go with me."

"I'm going with you," Kara steps forward, but then takes a tiny step back so she's less predatory. "I'm not letting you go alone, not when I—just, no. Lena, I'll take you, promise. I won't... I can keep my distance if you feel better, but I want to make sure—"

"No, it's not that," Lena says, eyes big and concerned when she looks at Kara. "It's just, um, you remember in the news? The vamp that hurt his wife, accidentally, and they had to make the statement in the emergency room and the police got involved and he ended up getting sun-flashed, and... then he died." Lena swallows. "I just don't want that to happen."

Kara swallows, thickthick_thick_, because she's scared shitless by what's been happening in the news lately, terrified. But Lena's _hurt_, and she's not letting that get in the way of getting her help. "We'll cross that bridge when—or like, _if—_we get there. I'm sure it'll be fine. Look, just—"

"Just let me drink your blood," Lena says, and Kara feels like she's suspended in time. "Not in some weird way, but vampire blood has crazy healing properties and this could all be over by morning and we wouldn't need to gamble on... having to cross bridges."

"I, um, that," Kara stutters, because like, um, what, huh, her mind stutters, too. "It's also as addicting as sugar," she goes with. And it also makes Kara able to sense whoever drinks it for as long as it's in their system, and it's - it's just something she's never thought about doing.

"Right," Lena says, and looks like she wants to argue, but instead she continues with, calmly, "The bruising is pretty hand-shaped and the fracturing is probably consistent with being squeezed, rather than falling. So if I go alone, I can make something up about... I don't know. I'll figure it out. But if you go with me, it'll be pretty obvious who's strong enough to do this, and they'll just. Assume it's you."

"That's right, though. It _was_ me. We'll just tell them it was an accident, that it happened in my sleep, and—"

"Pray we don't get a doctor that hates the idea of vampire-human relationships?"

"They're way more common than you think now," Kara says, because she read a statistic somewhere, because she's so obsessed with Lena she Googles obscure things about species crossing. Whatever, not important. "We aren't even in a relationship, we—"

"Then why were we sleeping together?" Lena asks, firmly, and she's just being _so_ frustrating, when all Kara wants to do is help her. "That's definitely what they're going to ask, so. I'm going alone. I'll be back in a few hours. Everything will be fine. Don't worry."

She shoulders past Kara, back into the bedroom, and heads for a pair of Kara's joggers on the floor. Kara feels like her head is positively whirring when she says, "Okay, but just this once. You can drink it this once, but I don't want you hooked on it."

"I don't want that either," Lena says, letting the joggers fall to the floor as she stands up straight, back stiff as a board. And for a second it feels like things are sueprcharged between them, neither one of them saying a word—Kara filled nerves and anticipation, Lena looking the same—before Lena broaches the topic again with, "So um, how do we do it?"

"I can just let you from my wrist, if that's okay," Kara says, voice high and weird and airy and crap, she's always making things so awkward. "I'll wash it first, if you want. Um, I took a shower beforehand, but—"

"It's fine, let's just. We can, and then we can go back to sleep."

"Right," Kara says, wiping her palms on her sleeping shorts. Which reminds her of a thought she had earlier: Lena and her have gotten through everything together, and they'll get through this too. Maybe it's high time _Kara_ stopped being so weird. "Won't take much, just a few seconds and then we're done. I've never done it myself, but I've seen it done before."

"I trust you," Lena assures her, neck stretching out in that way it does when she's a little on edge, but otherwise calm in the face of uncertainty. Just like the night they met, just like how she is whenever she's worried more about Kara being comfortable than she is herself.

"Good, good, nice," Kara gushes, because that actually makes her feel better, hearing that. They're just _them_. They're okay.

She walks over to Lena, _close_close for the first time in the past ten minutes, and she doesn't know why, but she reaches for her wrist—hands too big and clumsy and in the way, but she wants to _see_ it, see the damage she's done.

Except she keeps shaking as she pulls Lena's arm towards her, so much so that she's actually breaking the tension. Lena looks up at her face, head cocked and cheeks scrunched like they get whenever she's failing to suppress a smile.

_Don't suppress it, just smile at me_, Kara thinks, feeling her blood heat up reflexively. _Love your smile so much_. "It's not as bad as you thought it was, is it?" Lena asks. "You haven't looked at it again since you first entered the bathroom, so you're probably playing it up in your head."

It's not, actually, Kara realizes. It's not as swollen as she thought or as purple. It's definitely, probably fractured, but it looks fairly minor. "Yeah, it's not as bad as I thought, but um, still sorry for hurting you. Won't let it happen again."

"I know you won't," Lena finally lets her smile break free. Then she lifts her good hand and flips Kara's arm over, trailing her thumb along the veins on the inside of her wrist. "If it's too weird, you don't have to."

"No, it's fine," Kara smiles back, calmer now that she's closer to Lena. It's just a little blood, not a huge, huge deal.

"Yeah, okay," Lena says, licking out over her lips and stepping a little closer, until she's nearly pressed against Kara, until Kara can feel all of the heat radiating off of her, magnetic and intoxicating.

She can _smell_ Lena too, is the thing, dried sweat and body wash and sleep breath mixed with the remnants or her mint fresh toothpaste. She smells human and alive and electric, and god Kara wants to kiss her so bad she feels light-headed just thinking about it, wants to sink her fangs in her own bottom lip and let Lena suck at her blood until Kara's mouth feels raw from it.

But right now, her wrist - her wrist is a much better option. So she lifts it and sinks her fangs in it, waits until she sees the blood prickling through, and then she offers it to Lena. And maybe she's focused a little too much on Lena's mouth—the pretty curve of her lips, how they look soft and chapped and perfect, how fucking nice it feels when she finally licks wetly against Kara's skin before latching on to it. She keeps thinking about how her teeth feel clamping down, how warm her saliva is pooling around the fang marks, how she smells a little bit turned on again like she's actually _into_ this, too. God, Kara can't handle _this_. She can't handle the _feeling_ tugging in her belly, intense and desperate and heavy and so hot it makes her light-headed. She's not sure she'll ever get over this moment, if she'll even get _through_ this moment.

She's just not _sure_, not anymore; not sure how they're ever going to get through whatever_ this is_, because now that she's had Lena's mouth on her, she's pretty sure it's all she's going to think about for the rest of her existence.

Lena's hand is as good as new in the morning, though, so at least there's that.

"Um, m'pretty nice, I think," Kara slurs, twisting her glass bottle round in her hands, listening to it scratch across the wooden table. She's supposed to tell Sam three interesting things about herself before the trivia starts, but she's coming up short.

She swears it has nothing to do with Lena's head casually resting on her shoulder, nothing to do with Lena's mouth on her this morning, probably a little to do with being too drunk.

"And I'm a people person, and I have a nice singing voice, and. Oh. That's three isn't it?"

"That's adorable, _you're_ adorable," Lena says, reaching up and flattening out her warm hand on top of Kara's hands so she can snag her bottle.

She's wearing eyeliner and mascara and burgundy lipstick tonight, and she's sitting close enough that Kara can smell her _Very Sexual by Michel Germain _perfume—and whatever scent that is that she uses for her hair shampoo, the smell of heaven, maybe—as she inspects Kara's drink.

"Alright, let's see, what BAC are we at tonight?" Lena asks, twisting the bottle around. There's a hint of playfulness to her voice, but it's _just_ clipped enough that Kara can tell she's not happy with something. "Haven't seen you this disoriented since Laurie's party, when she did the blood mixing weird."

"S'not high, I swear," Kara defends, but Lena's already twisting her pretty mouth into a pretty frown.

Kara would very much like to kiss it back happy. Or just make her happy with her impressive skills, been up the past twelve hours studying trivia since it's Lena's favorite night at the bar.

But Lena's just getting unhappier by the second. "Fuck, Kara. This is a .45," she says, dropping one of her hands to Kara's thigh and squeezing a bit, pretty much making her words incomprehensible for Kara.

Or rather, Kara never much comprehended it in the first place.

"That's good isn't it? Bartender said it's what all the cool vamps 're drinking. Think m'a cool vamp."

"It's like drinking from an animal with alcohol poisoning," Lena says, anger flickering in her eyes, _fiery_, just like the time she cursed out the waitress for nearly giving Kara human blood without informing her. "You're gonna be sick."

"Isn't that the point?" Kara asks, since alcohol, in its essence, is just a mild form of poisoning. But also, like, she needs to keep the mood light so Lena doesn't burn the bar down. A blood-beer at .45 probably _is_ too high, but Kara's shit at turning things down when people are adamant she try something. _Blend in, be human, be approachable, easy and sociable_, flicks through her head. "We make ourselves sick to be happy?"

"They shouldn't be selling this; it's irresponsible and dangerous," Lena says, crease settling between her brows, making Kara wish more than anything she could kiss Lena there just to smooth it out.

Or rather, um.

Sigh. Lena's probably right.

She's too drunk, and being too drunk has never really worked out well for her. Especially when she keeps staring at Lena and forgetting why she shouldn't. Especially when she can't get that night out her head when her fangs were _so_ consensually close to Lena's neck, _god_.

"Like we don't have access to Bacardi 151 or Everclear?" Sam quirks a brow across the table, nudging Kara's calf with the toe of her shoe to let her know _she's on her side_. "It's alright if vampires have the means to fuck themselves up just like humans do."

"That's not the point," Lena says, but her face is relaxing, anger melting away into a quiet resignation.

And maybe it's weird, but. Kara sort of likes when Lena gets worked up over her, likes when she's ready to start shit just for Kara's safety. Like, Kara could lift a car or punch a hole in a building if she wanted, but she feels a special kind of safe when Lena steps in front of her if they pass a particularly nasty group of drunk vamp-haters.

"It's okay," Kara says, placing her hand on top of Lena's under the table, hoping she'll put her head on her shoulder again. "Could also buy a stake or a hand-held concentrated sunlamp at ye old local Walmart, so I'm pretty sure _too_ alcoholic beer is the least of vampire worries."

"I know, babe," Lena says, and then she _does_ turn to snuggle her face into Kara's shoulder again, right when Kara's pretty sure her lungs are filling with cement or something. She's had people call her petnames before, of course, but it's never hit her square in the chest and taken her breath away the way it does whenever Lena says them. "Just think it's shit that—"

"He_ey_," Kara interrupts, because whatever Lena's going to say probably _is_ shit, and Kara's probably already spent a considerable amount of time feeling like crap about it, so she's not going to let it ruin Lena's favorite night at the bar. "Deep red looks really good on your lips, you know. Maybe you'd make a decent vampire after all."

Lena smiles. And Kara feels like she can breathe again, for just a second, before the force of how stunning Lena is hits her all over again.

The bartender announces it's vampire themed night and Sam's face lights up like the fourth of July, since, apparently, tonight's the night they finally win. Kara's only a bit distracted by Lena, but she tries her hardest to focus on the questions.

"According to the vampire _Book of Lilith_, in what year did the vampire-faerie Great War start?" the bartender asks first.

"Do faeries even exist?" Sam asks, offhandedly, smashing a peanut with the side of her hand as a baby-vamp from another team spouts off _300BC_.

"Actually, it was 315BC," Kara says, infinitely more focused on her cheek, that's pressed against Lena's hair, that's warm and comfy and lovely.

The bartender shouts off _wrong!_ And then Sam shouts back, "315BC," and they get the point.

"Dunno, it was way before my time," Kara says, addressing Sam's point, trying not to move her jaw too much so she doesn't agitate Lena. "Wouldn't be completely out of the realm of possibility, though, would it?"

"I'd love to just, _hold_ the _Book of Lilith_ at some point," Lena says. "You know? Like, to think that the vampires that were writing it were able to live long enough to know if certain things actually happened, I—" She cuts off and snuggles closer in to Kara. "Just think it'd be cool to hold something like that in my hands."

"So do most vampires," Kara says, wrapping her arm around Lena's waist. Which is entirely more bold than she's used to being, but she'll blame it on the .45. "We'd _love_ to get our hands on it too, but it apparently, legally, belongs to the Smithsonian."

"Spolia," Sam says, pressing her mouth into something sympathetic. "Gotta love the spoils of war. I say you guys storm it and take back what's yours. I'd help in _that _fight."

Lena sighs, just as the baby-vamp at the other table spouts off something about vampire physiology, and Kara tightens her grip around her waist. They apparently missed an entire question.

"It's not that serious," Kara waves it off, and Lena sighs again, fuller and deeper this time.

Before Kara gets to acknowledge that, the bartender shouts, "Alright, next question," through the microphone. "This is a good one, okay. If we're not including Alura herself, how many members were there in the Daughters of Alura army?"

"Ten," Kara says, not at all meant to be out loud, and Sam shouts _ten_, and the bartender shouts _wrong_, and the baby-vamp shouts _nine_ and gets it right, and then Lena lifts her head and looks at Kara a bit funny. "Sorry, think the beer's really getting to me."

"Get it together, KD," Sam laughs, launching a peanut at Kara's lips. "These vamp questions are all you, babe."

But Lena keeps glaring at Kara for one, two, three seconds, and then finally, _finally_, drops her head again before she says, "We should both stop drinking, I think. Not very good for us."

They do actually end up winning, Kara would like to point out.


	3. Chapter 3

  
Sometimes Kara has a dream. 

And she doesn't know if that's weird or supposed to be a thing for vampires. Doesn't know if its even right to call it a _dream_ at all, but. She has it; and it's always of the same thing, same moment, same point in time that sticks out like a sore thumb in her memories for no real reason why: Sometimes she closes her eyes to sleep and then... it's just her.

It's her before the war, before the sleep chamber, before the peace accords and bottled blood and vampire senators. It's her in the forest again, after the settlement burned, after she lost everything, starving and afraid and desperate, staring up at the stars in the night sky and... _hoping_.

Hoping against all evidence that she was destined for something greater than death and terror and being constantly hunted.

She wasn't sure _what_ something greater was, exactly, but on particularly bad days, she'd let herself think it meant _freedom_, late-night campfires and singing happy songs. Bright clothes and flower crowns, food security, laughing loudly, someone to hold hands with on pretty nights.

Someone to _hold_ in general, actually, someone who loved her and she loved back. Someone who understood her and took care of her and guaranteed her there was no more bad shit, that everything was over, everything was happy.

Someone who – who was just _there_, always there whenever she needed them. No matter what. Someone she could look at and not fear they could die at any moment or be taken away or made a bloody example of, and _fuck._

It was mostly just that--having the security, the comfort, the assurance that she could hold someone close and love them and give them every piece of herself and sleep safely at night knowing the whole world wasn't out to kill them, like _god_, that thought was like gold.

The pinnacle of freedom, the evidence that she'd made it, that things were better, that it'd be okay, that the world was a place she could exist comfortably in for the first time in _ever_, really, because her human existence was as much of a shitshow as her undead one.

She liked to think that, maybe, one day, she was destined for something that wasn't quite _this_, that wasn't quite so bad, that was something--_anything_\--a little bit different than what she was going through. 

She just - she really loved to think about _that_.

But she never in a million years thought it would ever actually come true.

So some nights she feels like her chest is constricting. Some nights she wakes up gasping for air and blinking the dots out of her pupils in the darkness of the room. Some nights she clings onto the sheets so hard she tears them and Lena has to hug her until she's okay.

Because some nights she closes her eyes and remembers_ that_ moment, painful and vivid and uninvited, when the world felt like it was turning too fast for her to catch her breath, when every day felt like her last and she had nothing to show for it, when she couldn't even _imagine _a world where she just _existed_ and no one cared about that.

When she had nothing going for her internally, no positives or lights-in-the-darkness or reasons to believe in something better. When even Alura, herself, would stare at the moon with nothing but sadness in her eyes.

When all she had to go on, her only saving grace, was her will to survive and the smallest bit of hope.

Some nights she closes her eyes and she remembers that, when nothing felt right in the world.

And now, unfathomably, through the grace of something divine, whether it be god or the spirit of the universe herself...

She has Lena.

"The moon looks so bright tonight," Kara says cheerfully, blinking away the haze in her eyes so the stars stop blurring together. 

"Yeah," Lena agrees, shooting her a grin, acting like it shouldn't make Kara's knees weak when she blinks up through her lashes and adds, "It's really pretty."

_Just like you_, Kara thinks. Miraculous really, that it doesn't slip out of her mouth with how her drunk, drunk thoughts are swirling through her head, how nearly every ounce of her attention is focused on her feet not stumbling. With how her fingers are laced with Lena's, how they're walking home _slow_, how Kara's thought on at least six occasions tonight to tell Lena that she's _falling in love with her_.

Which, honestly, isn't even true, considering she's _been_ in love with her for quite some time now.

"It's nice when it's full," Lena goes on, cicada's singing in the background, somehow louder than the whoosh of the cars on the street right next to them. "When I was in high school, I went camping in Anza Borrego State Park during the wolf moon, and it was such a magical experience."

"We should go sometime," Kara thinks out loud, letting the natural tilt of her drunk equilibrium press her against Lena's shoulder. "Camping, yeah? Or just like, stargazing or something. Used to do that all the time."

"You like the stars?" Lena asks.

"I like them when I'm with you," Kara admits, mind flitting through the handful of times she can match stargazing with something positive, and realizing it's all been with Lena.

She thinks about backtracking or clarifying, since maybe that's too obvious, but she's drunk enough to be comfortable with leaving it.

Either way, Lena just says, "Me too," and Kara scrambles for a second trying to figure out what exactly that _means_. She knows what it is for her, but she can't be sure it's what it is for Lena, and, ugh.

Conversation for another time, maybe.

"Was a little nervous about trivia," she changes the subject, "but don't think I've ever been so happy than when they gave us the trophy after winning."

She holds it up in her hand, light from the moon bouncing off the bright gold and making it look more distinguished than it is. It's really just six inches worth of cheap, Party City plastic, but to Kara it represents the fact that she was _useful_ tonight.

It represents something she can't quite put her finger on, but she knows she never wants to let it go.

"Got you smiling in at least a dozen pictures, gonna put it in my scrapbook under the happy dork section," Lena says, and then she presses in warm_warm_ against Kara, cuddling her bicep like she wants to fuse them together. "We can put it on the nightstand, reminder of how we dominated every time we wake up."

"We can win a bunch and build, like, a statue thingy," Kara says, palming the trophy in her hand again like she's discovered a golden nugget out river digging. "Between me and you, could be unstoppable."

"We _will_ be unstoppable," Lena corrects, pulling them to a halt as the numbers count down to a red hand on the crossection light. Then she snuggles in a little more and hums as she says, so low Kara nearly misses it, "Stick close to me."

Kara just hums back, happy and content, because she'll always stick close to Lena, as long as forever.

Then she notes the officer standing next to them and the other two on the surrounding corners, and... wonders why they have to be so _close_.

It seems like a waste of funds, really, or at the very least poor allocation. The _whole thing_ is sort of a waste of funds at this point, if Kara's being honest, and she was someone that was actually on board with it at first.

Truly, she didn't--_doesn't_\--think the Night Patrol Initiative was a bad idea, in theory, at least. Like having officers on each corner to monitor the campus at night, make everyone feel safe, make sure drunken students get home and whatnot isn't a terrible idea.

Except, that's only what it was sold as, and not what it actually is.

Now, just about everyone is well aware it's really a glorified _State-Funded Patrol for Wicked Vampire Activity_ initiative. One that employs vamp-hating extremists and allows lethal weapons and fosters an all-means necessary to subdue innocent vampires culture.

But Kara must have forgotten that somewhere between the first sip of her beer tonight and her last, somewhere between her mind being vigilant and it being a Lena-absorbed mush.

Because, right about now, she's wobbling on her legs as she leans in close to the officer next to them, smiling wide and lifting her trophy right beneath her nose to parade her accomplishment.

Because who _wouldn't_ be proud she won on her very first night.

"Got me first place in trivia tonight," Kara informs her. And Lena gets an arm around her waist and snatches her back so fast, she actually loses her breath. "Okay, Lee?" she asks, confused and a bit stunned.

But Lena ignores her, eyes glued to the officer as she says, "Please excuse us, sorry, she's had a bit to drink. But we're on our way home."

"It's okay," the officer says, brown skin beautifully lit in the moonlight. Kara wants to tell her that, but Lena's hand is fisting in her shirt and she can sense, maybe since Lena drank her blood earlier, that Lena's sort of... scared? "But, not all of us are okay with vamps in our personal space."

Lena's eyes follow the officer's head nod to another officer across the street, and Kara's eyes trace the outline of Lena's jaw and her neck and the way she swallows a thick lump before she says, "I know, she's just excited. But harmless, really. I swear."

"Yeah, m'like a kitten, is what Lena says." Kara smiles, letting her fangs flex out. "Even got m' canines... or is it _felines_," she wonders out loud, beaming proudly at Lena because she did a funny.

But Lena's eyes are wide and big and green and decidedly _not_ amused.

Kara's smile fades on reflex as Lena steps around her and positions between Kara and the officer, inching them further away as the opposing crossection light turns yellow.

"Might want to put those away," the officer says, which makes Lena's heart rate spike, makes her mind go a bit frantic, makes Kara dizzy just second-hand feeling every emotion that's rushing through her veins.

And it just - it makes no sense at all because the officer is being _friendly_, calm and relaxed and comfortable, and Kara only wants to talk to her and show her the trophy and her kitten fangs and that's all okay, she thinks. It's harmless, just like Lena said.

"It's okay, m'really harmless," Kara says, trying her best to step around Lena and get close to the officer again. She just wants to _show _her. "You can even touch them, m'fangs, won't hurt you I promise."

But the officer looks at Lena, and Lena tightens her hand on Kara, and then there's like, this weird-icky-eerie feeling that settles inside Lena, Kara can feel, and she finally decides maybe she should just retract her fangs back in.

"She really just gets excited sometimes," Lena says again, and Kara can't figure out why she's being so _weird_. Then she huffs out, "Sorry," again, before she turns to grab Kara and starts dragging her away, stumbling her across the street so fast Kara nearly trips several, several, so many times.

"Lena, wait," she says, giggling a little because everything feels so funny and clumsy and she can't properly right herself so the toes of her shoes keep scuffing on the ground. "It's okay, is a nice night, we can go slow."

"Fuck, just shut up and walk, Kara, _christ_," Lena grits out, and.

It sounds _mean_, is the thing--clipped and angry and tense and distant in a way that Lena's never been with Kara before. So Kara feels like her ears are ringing, like they're on fire, like maybe she did something wrong and she can't figure out what.

But she does her best best best to just shut up and walk the rest of the way back.

It's no better once they get home--Lena drags them both to Kara's room and lets Kara go, doesn't even look at her, paces back and forth as she shoves her eyes against her palms, and then shakes her hands out frantically before she locks herself in the bathroom.

And then Kara hears the water start running.

And then Kara hears Lena start crying.

And her heart, it just - it sinks. Both because she fucked up, obviously, and because somewhere along the walk-drag home she accidentally snapped the stem of the trophy, so now it's in two pieces in her hand and she really, really _keeps_ messing up. 

She wants to go in the bathroom and say _sorry_, wants to hug Lena until she feels dizzy from how close they are, from Lena's smell and her softness and her presence in general, but she can't.

She doesn't know how to do that, how to do it without messing up. Because she's drunk and it's late and she feels exhausted and defeated and overwhelmed, and maybe if she could just fix the trophy, then it would all be okay again.

So she goes with that, busies herself with finding their Gorilla super glue and getting it set up on the kitchen table. She even gets the paper down underneath it and makes sure she opens a window so she doesn't get stingy eyes from the glue fume. Then she places everything carefully, tongue stuck to her top lip as she tries her best to get it perfectly lined up without getting it sticky on her fingers.

And once she's done, she brings it back in the room and Lena's just… standing there. Waiting. Messy black hair and smudged eyes, smeared lipstick and splotchy red cheeks. She looks, feels, is _radiating _sad.

And it's Kara's fault.

"Um, I fixed it," Kara says, holding up the trophy with one hand while shoving her free hand in her pocket and looking down at the floor. Because that's just what she does around Lena. It's what she does. "Sorry about tonight, ruining it."

"You didn't," Lena says, and Kara nearly looks up, but she still feels ashamed. Still gets stung in the chest by how thick Lena's voice sounds. "It's my fault, I'm sorry. Shouldn't have let you have the rest of the drink, and then it all happened so fast. And you could've gotten hurt, and I – Kara I know you just want to make friends, but—"

"I'm a vampire, I know," Kara says, feeling like, maybe if she could, she'd just let herself sink through the floor and the ground and all the way through the earth, down to hell where they say she belongs. "I'm dangerous and I break things and hurt my friends, and—"

"No," Lena says, and she's so close now that Kara's chest squeezes in on itself.

Her voice isn't sharp anymore like it was outside, _no_, now her voice is soft and lovely and laced with so much sweetness, Kara thinks she just might pass out.

Especially when Lena fits her arms around Kara's waist _in a hug_, when she snugs her face against Kara's chest, heart beating fast fast fast as she says in a rush, "No, that's just what they think about you, and it scares me because that's how they'll treat you, and sometimes it's a little like you don't realize that."

"I do," Kara says weakly, chest still sinking for some reason.

"I don't know," Lena huffs, hands twisting in Kara's shirt so hard they're shaking. Or maybe she's twisting them hard because they were _already_ shaking. "Sometimes I think maybe you think they're all like me, and I wish they were, honestly, but they aren't and vamps get hurt everyday because of it. Like, fuck, just, on this campus alone, three have been sun-flashed in the past month by night-patrol for like, existing or being drunk or standing too close. And I was scared _for you_, Kara, not because of you. I just wanted to get you home safe, but you're so tall and clumsy and curious and it's cute when it's just me, but. I was panicking, and I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Oh," Kara says, letting her hand fall with the trophy in it because it feels so insignificant now. Wrapping her other arm around Lena's back and leaning against her hair. "I know they, _I know_. But sometimes I think, like, maybe if I'm nice enough, it'll just change their minds."

"_Babe_," Lena whispers, rolling her face against Kara's shirt and snuggling in tighter. "It doesn't work that way, I'm sorry."

And Kara knows that, somewhere deep down she knows that. She's been through the bad shit. _She's been through the bad shit_. But they're so close, so fucking close she can smell the equality in her morning cup of blood. So close that vampire senators, plural, have been elected and there was buzz at one point about one running for president.

So close that sometimes they even get justice in high-profile discrimination cases, and yet. They're just. They're so far away.

"Think I'll grab something from the fridge," Kara says, and she doesn't really want to let go of Lena, but she also doesn't want to think about _that_, so. "I'll be right back."

And then she's just. In the kitchen. Alone and sad with her stupid fucking trophy and all the hope she had for shit being better splashed in her face. And she's just so... dumb, is what it is, really. Things are better than before, she knows that. Keeps telling herself that. Keeps telling herself _at least we aren't being murdered at high rates while everyone laughs about it_.

At least there aren't public viewings of vampire burnings that people take their children to, or comics printed weekly about them dying and being the joke of the week. And she knows vamps have done fucked up shit, too, she knows. Knows the peace accords only came after the Daughters of Alura murdered so many humans it shook the world to it's core.

But she also knows they had no choice, also knows that vampires have been peaceful despite what history sells, knows they were cornered into defending themselves, cornered into setting an example of what actual violent vampires looked like, but. Maybe Alura was wrong. Maybe when she put Kara in the sleep chamber and told her there was something she _needed to do_, and that Kara would _wake up in a better world_, she was wrong. Maybe she was wrong.

Maybe she didn't make the world better. 

Maybe she just crapped it up even more, Kara thinks, defeatedly, and then toes the little mechanism on the trashcan that makes the lid pop open so she can throw the dumbstupid_dumb _trophy away.

But then she hears Lena's voice, and it's amazing how much of her tension melts away.

"Don't throw it out. We're putting it on the nightstand, remember? Or like, if you don't want it, at least I'll take it."

"I broke it," Kara mumbles, flipping it in her fingers, not sure why all her frustration's being channeled into a piece of plastic that already has chips in the _**#1**_black paint on the front. But she is and she hates this trophy and all she wants is to throw it away, so she turns around and says, "It's upsetting me."

For some reason Lena's eyes get bigger, so Kara reflexively lifts her shoulders and shrinks herself, in case she's being too threatening.

Then, a bit unexpectedly, Lena says, "You were crying?"

"No," Kara says, but when she wipes her face, there's blood on her shirt sleeves, and. So maybe she was, no big deal.

"It's alright," Lena says, holding out her hand, keeping herself back like she's _letting Kara come to her. _Which makes Kara feel small and breakable and, honestly, a bit validated.

"Sorry, m'like, tired and still drunk and not having a good time right now."

"That's okay," Lena whispers, taking a small step forward, but still keeping her hand outreached. "Let's get you changed and we can sleep and the night'll be over. Can even wake up early and read books on your fav library couch until we fall asleep and get kicked out again."

"Yeah?" Kara asks.

"Yeah," Lena says, and Kara takes her hand.

Kara takes her hand and let's Lena lead her to the room, lets her press her down on the bed and wipe her face with a warm towel. Let's her pick out an old t-shirt from her closet and unbutton the shirt she has on.

And then there's a bit of a charged moment, because Kara's never properly had her shirt off in front of Lena, and it feels a little like she's staring.

"What's that?" Lena asks, pointing at the spot on the left side of Kara's ribcage, right underneath her bra. "D'you have a brand?"

"No," Kara says, looking at the red design on her otherwise clear skin. "If it were a brand, it'd heal, I think? Pretty sure it's a birthmark."

"You were born with an octagram?" Lena asks, brow creasing. "When you were human?"

"A what?" Kara asks, actually smiling a little, because Lena's so smart. "No, didn't have it as a human and then I died, but when I was reborn it's just... it's always been there. I don't know what an octagram is."

"It's an eight-pointed star," Lena says, and she _smiles back _as she rolls her eyes, sitting on the bed across from Kara. Then she sets the t-shirt beside her instead of helping Kara put it on. "You have a perfectly drawn eight-pointed star on your ribcage, and your best guess is birthmark? What am I gonna do with you?"

Kara wants to say something dumb like, _anything you'd like_, but she holds it in. She's good. As far as the birthmark, she's really unsure. She asked Alura once, but she didn't really give a straightforward answer. Just said all the Daughters had it.

"Dunno, no one really ever told me, just woke up and had it. It's like, not important? Though. I've had it forever and barely notice it's there."

"Can I touch it?" Lena asks. "Is that okay?"

"Of course," Kara says, because what else is she supposed to say.

And then Lena crawls forward until she's on side of Kara, lifting her brow in a question one last time. Kara nods, smiles awkwardly, nods again, and then Lena touches it.

It's not a super huge deal at first, like her hand is soft and warm and Kara's heart is in her throat--right where she can feel herself swallow, it's pretty much lodged there--but that's all par for the course.

Then something weird happens.

Kara isn't sure how to describe it coherently, but a few seconds into Lena tracing the birthmark with her thumb, Kara... rips the sheets.

She rips the sheets and mouths _oh god_, head dropping low low low as her eyes flutter shut.

Because it's, _holy shit_, it's like nothing she's ever felt before.

Like, _whatever this feeling is_, it's starting at Lena's finger and spreading throughout the birthmark, but it's not stopping there. Whatever it is, it's overloading all of Kara's senses, sending waves of heat radiating through her diaphragm like an aftershock with each touch. Whatever it is, it's going from being slightly uncomfortable to _really, really good_, in no time at all.

Whatever is happening right now, Kara can't even properly describe it, but it feels like it's a lot more than her just being _touched by Lena._ It feels a lot more like her world being absolutely destroyed.

"You okay?" Lena asks, but she's not really taking her hand off the star, so all Kara can do is hum _mmm_ and try her best not to drool.

It hurts a little, the heat from it, hot and lingering all over her skin, but it's also intoxicating--like a rush slowly flooding her entire body, making it hard to think, making it hard to remember her surroundings, making it hard to do anything other than nibble her lip and pant awkwardly because she's _so fucking out of breath_.

It's like she's floating, like she's dreaming, like her head's blasting off in space and leaving her body to fend for itself. It feels like - like she's being consumed by a flame, a flame that doesn't burn or sear or char or damage, a flame that's gently licking her skin instead of burning her, warming and illuminating her right to her core.

Which is dizzying to think about already, without the fact that this whole thing is making her foggy, so fucking foggy and muddled and bleary. And it, _god_, it takes every ounce of willpower she has to crane her neck and look at Lena, to focus her eyes a little to get a clear picture of her, to see her pretty fucking face, and _wow._

Kara can't be sure, not one-hundred percent, but she gets the feeling that... Lena _feels it too_? Mostly because Lena's flushed and nibbling her lip and staring intensely at her hand, pupils expanded in her irises so the green is mostly black.

She's also just, not stopping.

Which isn't technically the worst thing in the world, because it feels good. But it actually absolutely _is_ the worst thing in the world, because it _feels good._

It's just--the longer it goes on, the more the heat feels, like, _focused_\--concentrating in Kara's head and chest and _between her legs_.

It's dumb and weird and she doesn't know why it's happening, but she can't stop moving her hips on the sheets, everything going from good to _pleasurable_, like her brain's clicked off and the only thing that makes sense is closing her eyes and getting some sort of friction.

It's such a fast, such a sudden shift, that she _keeps_ feeling her breath catch, keeps stuttering and gasping, and she's not entirely sure but she might also be mumbling. But Lena's thumb is relentless, like she keeps tracing and tracing and tracing and there's wave after wave after wave shooting through Kara's body like a pulse, like a tsunami, like a volcano erupting lava, and--

After not a terribly long time of it happening, Kara's pretty sure she comes.

If that's the proper word for it.

She's, um, never even had an orgasm before, she doesn't think, but her entire body contracts and her breath gets sucked out of her, clenched like every inch of her soul is being ripped from her in the best possible way, and she slumps forward and her thighs shake.

And suddenly the heat in the room is gone and she feels cold and weird and her head is too clear for this painfully awkward moment, but.

Here they are.

She doesn't really know what to say after that, but she says _yes_ when Lena asks if she's okay again, and then this weird thing happens where neither one of them acknowledges it.

They just sort of. Go to sleep.

Kara's pretty sure her life is over.

She's not even two-hundred years old yet, hasn't even reached the first significant power increase for vampires yet, and she's pretty sure it's ended. Hell, she hasn't even graduated college for the _first time_ and she's somehow gone and fucked up her whole entire future.

Things were going _well_: vampires are _integrated_, way safer than they were before, holding positions of power, living their dreams, with laws in place to protect them. Something that was so wholly unfathomable for Kara a hundred years ago, that her chest swells up just thinking about it. Things were going well for _her_, too: her life is normal, it's promising and _free_, and she has friends and food and family and Lena.

Well, she _had_ Lena, maybe, but now she's gone and done that _weird_ thing, a split second of letting herself go, and it was all it took to burst the precarious bubble they were standing on. She knows it's true, because Lena left bed early this morning, left before Kara woke up, left without shaking Kara or nudging her or doing _anything_ just to let her know _hey I'm heading out_. She knows because it's now two in the afternoon and Lena's still _not back_, and she hasn't even texted about the late lunch they had planned together. 

So, Kara's pretty sure _this is it_.

She keeps thinking about it, dwelling on it, pacing the kitchen and living room and entire fucking apartment, like there's nothing else that can penetrate her worry and occupy her mind. She feels like she's crumbling, like she's _falling apart_, like pieces of her are being scattered into the wind and she can't get them back. The worst part is it's not just _mental_, it's physical, too.

There's this _feeling_ she has in her chest, one that keeps sinking lower and lower and convincing her that she's messed things up beyond repair, and it just _keeps_ getting worse throughout the day, the longer the silence goes on. It feels nauseating, suffocating, like she'd do anything in the world, _anything at all_, just to take what she did back and have Lena call her again.

But she can't. She can't take it back, and she can't figure out what to do, and some part of her recognizes that maybe she's overreacting, but she also can't get her mind to start wrapping around that thought.

So, she just feels stuck.

She decides to visit Alex.

It's the last thing she imagined she'd be doing, especially since it's been _so long_ since they've talked, and the last time did not end good. But she's at the end of a catastrophic spiral of _what ifs_ and can't think of a _better_ plan.

Whether she likes admitting it to herself or not, she _knows_ that Alex was always good with things like _this_. So Kara's willing to swallow down whatever hurt feelings she has about her and admit that she really does _need_ her right now. Because sometimes she _really does_ need her sister.

And today is one of those days.

She's still probably going to give Alex shit, to be fair, but Alex also sort of _deserves_ that.

"It's amazing, isn't it? The different drinks they've come up with," Alex asks, and Kara squints at the sun behind her aviators before she finally takes a sip of the blood wine in her hand, swishing it around in her mouth for a second before wishing she could spit it out. But she _doesn't_, because she's civilized, and they're standing half-in Alex's garage and it's probably not a good idea to stain the ground and start multiple fights.

"It's a little bit disgusting, actually," she mumbles.

"It tastes better chilled," Alex comments, grabbing the glass bottle from her hand, and Kara quirks a brow behind her glasses. "Yeah, they put some sweeteners or something in it, I don't know. Doesn't sit right when it's warm. But--"

"I'm not here to talk about wine sweeteners," Kara says, as dry as she possibly can.

"Okay, you know what?" Alex says back, and Kara realizes suddenly that she's getting nowhere if she tries to go toe-to-toe with Alex on maintaining a not-giving-a-shit attitude. "I'm really not in the mood to take your shit today. So, you're here to _listen_, and I plan on making you do that one way or another, until you get it through your big head that things are _not okay_."

"You want another war, right? That's the gist of it."

"No." Alex twists her mouth up like she intends on saying something _really_ mean, but instead she just goes with a milder, "What I want is for you to shut up so I can talk about how we need to protect ourselves."

"By starting a very visible vampire army? Good job, you've put more targets on our backs."

"Oh god, here we go." Alex runs her hand over her face, through her hair, clenching her jaw and breathing shallowly, like Kara's the one being frustrating. "Shit, Kara, you're Alura's last fucking progeny--have you ever stopped to think that there's a reason she didn't let you go to war with them? That there's a reason _you're_ here, and they're not?"

Kara shrugs. Maybe she has, and maybe she hasn't. "Because she knew I'd think it was a crap idea and not help out."

"Sure," Alex nods, and _god_, even her body movements feel like an attack. "Or maybe she knew she needed to leave someone to lead once she was gone. Maybe she knew vampires would need--"

"For the thousandth time," Kara yells, cutting her off because she can't _listen_ to this for another second. "I'm not helping you lead your crusade to get all vampires murdered, so would you just _stop_ asking and actively ruining our relationship? Please."

"Fine," Alex says, firm and clipped, hesitating a second before she softens and says, "Fine. _Fine_. You have a good point, you do. It's just, not an army, by the way, it's a _coalition_. But why did you call me?"

"It's nothing," Kara says, shoving her hands in her pockets. "I'm just gonna--"

"Please, come on. It's important, you came all this way."

Right, fuck, ugh. It _is_ important, and Alex is both the only one she can mention it to, and the one that would give the best advice. "It's just that Lena and I--"

"Luthor?" Alex asks, like the name is sand in her mouth. "The family that was integral in bringing down Alura, but--"

"Christ, whatever, I'm leaving."

"No, I'm sorry," Alex says, putting the glass down and running to grab Kara's hand. "If you trust Lena, I'll stand out of your way and still be there if things go wrong. Let me worry about you, I'm your sister."

Which, fine. God. Fine. "She's different, okay? And like, god it's so stupid, but we were hanging out and touching a little, not even that much, but it felt really good and I got pretty into it, and then I accidentally like... you know? and we haven't talked since."

"Did you orgasm?" Alex asks, and it's such an ugly word and that's such an ugly smirk on Alex's face.

"If you want to call it that, it's your prerogative." 

"You need to talk to her about it."

"I know," Kara says.

"We need to talk more, too. Without yelling or insulting or pushing each other away."

"I know," Kara says.

And then, for the first time in probably a year, she actually hugs her sister.

So Kara's going to talk to Lena about it.

So Kara waits at home in the living room for Lena to get back. And when Lena finally does, Kara just walks straight up to her, right between the kitchen and the open space with the couches, stands stiff as a board and looks her in the eyes, and they. Both apologize at the same time.

Which is dumb because, well, Lena didn't have an o-word. Unless she _did_, which changes things, but Kara's pretty sure she didn't.

"No, um," Kara starts to clarify, tugging at the collar of her shirt, because air. She needs air. "Last night, you, I -- um, we didn't say anything, but I think we both know this thing happened, and--"

"Yes, I know," Lena says, like the spark from her eyes is simmering out. "And I'm so sorry, I swear, I - I've been thinking about it all day, and I -- I'm just, I'm so sorry, okay? I didn't mean for it, didn't want--" She clears her throat and looks just, so forlorn. "I don't know how to describe it and not be weird or something."

Kara isn't even sure why Lena's apologizing, but she wants her to describe it, wants to know, so she says, "Just try and, I'll like, I'll understand. It's me, Lee. I get you."

"I know," Lena says, twisting her hands together. "I know, I just. Last night. I knew, like, on some level what was happening. But I couldn't--I wasn't _sure_. I can never be sure with you. And I figured you'd just tell me if it was too much, but you didn't, and—"

"Because it wasn't," Kara says, chest so full it feels like she's suffocating, because she's - she's openly admitting to Lena it wasn't a miscommunication that she didn't speak up about it being too much. Because it wasn't too much.

Because she _enjoyed _it.

And that's maybe the weirdest thing she can ever possibly say, but she'll gladly admit to the most embarrassing fact of her unnaturally long existence, if it means Lena's eyes will light up again. "It wasn't too much, was just scared_ I_ was being too weird."

"You weren't too weird, you were perfect," Lena says, and Kara can _see_ the blood flooding to her cheeks and her chest and even her forearms as she keeps keeps keeps twisting her hands together, like she's nervous or scared or _too_ overwhelmed.

And she's just - she's so incredibly beautiful. Which isn't surprising, Kara's always known this, but right now it's almost too hard to handle, almost too much to process. It feels like Kara's world is stopping, like time's standing still around them, like the center of the earth is opening up and threatening to swallow her to its core. Which is maybe why, without much forethought or preparation or any ability to stop herself, Kara finds herself crashing toward Lena like a shooting star or falling meteorite, fast and purposeful, her heart a blazing trail of fire--

And she kisses her. 

She kisses Lena.

She kisses Lena.

She kisses Lena; _is_ actively kissing Lena, actively tangling her hands in Lena's hair and tilting her head back as she thinks _please, fuck, finally_, actively demonstrating that she knows shit-all about kissing as she opens her mouth and licks out at Lena's lips, tasting her lip-gloss and saliva and feeling her plush, soft, amazing skin beneath her tongue. 

She's sloppy and uncoordinated and messy and too eager, but Lena's lapping it up like it's the best kiss in the world, fists tangling in Kara's shirt, body pressed in so snug she'd fall face-first if Kara took a step back.

Lena's moaning and humming and sighing and breathing so hard, Kara's getting frantic with it, and.

She's just so _good_ \- tastes so good, Kara almost wants to cry, wants to sob right on the spot because never in a million years did she think she'd be standing here doing _this_. With a human, no less.

With someone who protects her and loves her just as fiercely and wants to keep her healthy even if it means the blood from her own body.

With someone who gets her to let her guard down, gets her to open up, shows her that there actually _does_ exist a _better_ for Kara and it's right smack-dab there in reaching distance.

No, not even in reaching distance; it's in her hands. Lena is _in her hands_.

Lena's sliding her hands beneath Kara's shirt and gripping her blunt nails in Kara's skin, sniffing in Kara and nibbling her jawline with her teeth. Lena's opening herself up and letting Kara fuss in her hair and forgetting her good angles, mouth devouring every inch of Kara she can get it on like it's her last supper. Lena's so intoxicating that Kara's brain short-circuited at least some time before they started and now it's stuttering in a white haze, flickering in and out every so often just long enough for her to be overwhelmed by how pretty Lena is, because--

Lena is... well, she's _Kara's_. Kara has Lena. She _has_ her.

Which is an incredibly dangerous thought, because it makes Kara's fangs pop out.

Which should have been obvious in hindsight, seriously, and she definitely should have planned for it. But it's too late for that now, considering Lena's lip is currently bleeding into Kara's mouth, considering Lena's blood is laced in their shared saliva and it's _on Kara's tongue_.

She retracts her fangs as fast as she can, but it's too late. It's too late, it's too late, it's too late. Because she's already tasted Lena's blood, and. It's everything.

Which, thinking that is even more dangerous than than the kiss itself, so Kara tries to pull away, but Lena pulls her in in in and fuck, she's already tasted it and it's just _right there_, and--

Lena moans, "It's okay, don't stop," against her mouth, so.

Kara kisses her again.

She kisses her again, and then there's--_god_\--there's Lena's blood spreading throughout her whole mouth and, fuck, if she thought the bellything felt good, then she doesn't even know how to describe this. But it's like she can _feel_ it traveling through her body, down her throat, in her chest, like every inch of her it touches is radiating warmth. 

And that's not even mentioning _the taste_, like, not even exaggerating, Lena's blood is like maple syrup, like vanilla--from what Kara can remember--like sugary and good and perfect, and christ.

Lena's blood is like - like what folktales say _faerie_ blood tastes like.

A thought that strikes Kara as peculiar for just a second, before she's pulled back to how sweet Lena is again, intoxicating and invigorating, like moonlight and honeysuckle. Like what Kara imagines cheesecake tastes like when it's pooled on the corners of Lena's mouth after she takes a bite too big. 

Lena's just, _god_ she's more than Kara could ever ask for, _would_ ever ask for, and yet... she's _here_. 

She's here. 

Kara pulls back, trembling and tingling, chest rising like she's trying to catch air that's _just_ out of her reach, and she nearly tears up at the sight of Lena--her glassy eyes, blown pupils, red_red_ cheeks, and puffy lips that're a beautiful mixture of red and bruised and blood-covered.

And then she's pretty sure she _actually_ tears up when Lena buries her face in her neck, when Lena hides her sweat-damp forehead against where Kara's pulse would be and toys with the waistband of her joggers as she whispers, "I love you. So much. I love you." 

"Me too," Kara says, hugging Lena in tighter. "More than anything."


	4. Chapter 4

Kara wouldn't say she's ashamed of being a vampire, but most days she _is_ ashamed of her reflection. She doesn't know if she should call it a self-esteem issue or something other than that, but she knows she doesn't feel _good _when she thinks about it.

It's not even a beauty thing, because she _knows_ she's beautiful. She's a _vampire_, after all, one who was turned at the height of her attractiveness, one who's forever solidified as a fit, blonde, twenty-something, and that's absolutely nothing to complain about.

The thing she gets caught up on the most, though, is that she used to have these _blue eyes. _And it's dumb, maybe, to be stuck on that, but _god_, they used to be something to write home about, something people got lost in, something she_ liked_ seeing in the mirror. They were something she was _proud_ of, excited about, because her _mother_ had blue eyes as well. Her _real_ mother. The one that died before she was five, the one she barely remembers, the one she had before Alura and Eliza and everyone else that's ever tried to take care of her.

Kara _had her mother's eyes_, everyone used to say it, and now she doesn't.

_Now_, her eyes are _golden_, somewhere lodged between hazel and deep brown, and they're definitely pretty in their own right. She gets that, understands that, _appreciates_ that. But they're also so fucking _different _from anything else that it makes them a distinctive _vampire_ thing, and it's that part she _hates _the most. She hates everything about her eyes that make her stand out from everyone else: how they're reflective, how they help her see at night so they naturally bounce off of camera light, make her ruin good pictures, make her seem _weird_. She hates how they get her targeted, get her profiled, how they _fuck up_ her life.

She hates how easy it makes it for people to just. Know. They _know_, and they avoid them, and they laugh at them, and they _fear_ them. Fear them so much that vampire contacts are illegal in forty-eight states. Fear them so much that the first and only guy Kara's ever matched with on Tinder jumped back and said _freaky _when she got too close and blinked up at him on the walk home. Fear them so much that Kara's learned to duck her head, hide her gaze, be _ashamed_ of just goddamn existing.

So, yeah. Some days she gets a little caught up on her reflection, gets a little sad about her eyes, _hates_ the way they look. Some days her belly twists against itself when she sees herself in store glass or puddles or her phone screen or, _god forbid_, a fucking mirror.

But, then this thing happens. _T__oday_, of all days. On a random Thursday, mid-semester, after waking up twenty minutes late and stumbling haphazardly into the bathroom to brush her teeth:

Kara looks in the mirror and... she likes what she sees_._

Which really sets it up like it's going to be a good day, but things always find a way to go downhill.

"You free?" Lena asks, rounding the side of the couch so she can squeeze in next to Kara, thighs perfectly hugged in her _tight_ dark blue joggers, too pretty for Kara not to stare. "Please say you're free; it's an emergency. I impulse bought tickets to this concert tonight, and you're the only one invested enough in me to be dragged along. I don't want to go alone, but I _need_ to go."

"You _need_ to go?" Kara teases, splaying her hand over Lena's thigh, scratching her nails against the soft fabric. "And you only want _me_ to go because I'm too invested, huh?"

"Yes, need, and of course I want to _preferably_ go with you. But right now you just happen to be my first choice _and_ the only one I can charm into it without a money bribe," Lena smiles. Then she leans her head on Kara's shoulder, green eyes shooting daggers in Kara's heart, and _god_. Kara would very much like to kiss her again.

Problem is, she's sort of flubbed everything up since their first one.

It feels like she gave off the impression that she's comfortable initiating physical things with Lena and, to be clear, she _is not_. She would much rather Lena kiss her, so she's knows it's fine, so she can be bold enough to kiss back and be sure that it's perfectly okay. But she couldn't help herself the first time, couldn't stop herself from doing it.

And now they've fallen in this weird routine where they'll cuddle and stare at each others lips and wrestle in bed and giggle until Kara's breathless and turned on and wants Lena's lips so much just looking at them feels like drowning.

But then, it's just, neither one of them ever actually kisses the other. It's been a week of that, a week of them being too close and touching just a little too much and staring just a little too obviously, and Kara's starting to figure she was maybe supposed to initiate all along.

"The volunteer coordinator emailed I should call, but I'm free after that, I promise," she says, turning so she can nose against Lena's hair, because she's apparently comfortable doing _everything_ _but_.

Which is so dumb, because she kissed Lena once and it was great, so why can't she just _do it again??_

"Call about what?" Lena asks, tilting her head like she's pressing into Kara. There's actual no logical explanation for why they're not kissing. "Are you in trouble before you've even had your first day?"

"No, _stop_. Actually, maybe," Kara says smiling wide and accidentally getting a hair strand in her mouth. "Was supposed to send in theme ideas, like, Tuesday, but I'm not finished yet and now I'm a couple days late."

"What are you thinking, then? Maybe I can help," Lena says, shifting up so she can look Kara in the eyes. "It's just arts and crafts with the third graders, right?"

Kara shifts too, so she can wrap an arm around her, and. Lena's so warm and pretty and impossible, and Kara's so in love it's probably unhealthy.

"Yeah, was thinking I'd do a theme on diversity and acceptance, like doing art to appreciate others' cultures. But I'd want to do it in a tasteful way, you know? I don't want to go down the road of being offensive or appropriating. So it's been a bit hard to iron everything out."

"What was last year's theme?"

"I think it was just _freestyle_," Kara says, pinching her lip and rolling it between her fingers. Freestyle was really an excuse for the last volunteer to _not_ have a theme, but Kara's been gunning for the afterschool arts and crafts slot for two years now, and like hell she's going to crap it up with _freestyle_ now that she's got it. She loves kids, is really invested in their education being as well-rounded as possible, leaders of the future and whatnot. "It involved a lot of glitter and getting glue everywhere. And they didn't even use the glitter-glue pens, just old-school dumped it on _Elmer's_ on paper. And, I don't know, I guess it was fine. But I can do better than that, just want it to be perfect."

Lena nods like Kara's the most interesting person in the world, reaching out to touch her knee gently. "I love that you're thinking so much about it. Pretty sure most people just call the theme the first word that comes to their head, then proceed with finger painting."

"Yeah," Kara says, and then sort of gets stuck staring for a second, struck dumb by the way Lena's mouth moves when she. Says words. Or just sits there licking out at her lips so they're moisturized, probably, not as a tactic to turn Kara on. "Right, um, I know. But last year i did a multicultural theme for the senior center and a bunch of people talked about how they were seeing new perspectives and how hard it is to change thinking and ideology when you're older. So, I'm excited to work with kiddos because they're like, not tainted yet."

"Oh yeah?" Lena asks, and there's a playful grin on her face, so Kara smiles back, not sure what she said to make Lena bright up so much, but enjoying it anyway. And then Lena twists on the couch and crawls on top of Kara, pressing Kara back into the cushions as she straddles her lap. She just does it easy as anything, as if it's a natural part of the conversation. "Could listen to you talk about multiculturalism and arts and crafts and diversity and stuff forever, you know that?"

Kara, um, _hands_. She doesn't know what to do with her hands, but Lena's legs look so good in her joggers, so good wrapped around Kara--_because, god, they're wrapped around Kara_\--so she just. Places them on her thighs, chest squeezing so tight she wonders if her heart came back alive just to have an attack. "Could talk about it all day if you want me to, have a lot of things I want to say and incorpor--"

This time Lena kisses _her_.

Or rather, she presses in and licks into Kara's mouth right in the middle of her dumb sentence, messy and unceremoniously, so hot Kara's toes curl in her socks. This time it's Lena's hands gripped in her hair, holding her steady and tilting her head back so she can nibble on Kara's lip all sweet and careful and head-_rushingly_. This time it's Lena that _initiates_, and Kara's both thrilled and overwhelmed at the same time. "D'you want me to keep talking about arts and crafts, or...?" Kara still asks, dumbly, mostly to distract herself from Lena's thumb circling over her ear lobe.

"Only if you can while still kissing me," Lena says, laugh in her voice, shifting her hips on Kara's lap so they're pressed flush together. "If that's what you want? I've been trying to give you your space in case I was--well, just in case you were regretting last time. But I don't think I can _wait_ any longer, so if you don't want this, just let me know and I'll--"

"No, I want it," Kara says, lifting up to kiss Lena so she's more convincing, but mostly just knocking their noses together.

Thankfully, Lena rights them quickly, kisses Kara soft and open-mouthed, letting out the smallest little noise--like a breath, like a sound that Kara just sucks down her own throat. Hands twitching because Lena's tongue is basically the softest thing ever, hot and silky and _slick_, exploring places in Kara's mouth that Kara didn't even know existed. Kara can barely make sense of anything, just knows she can taste Lena's saliva, tangy from too much cranberry juice because she found it in the back of the fridge today and _Kara if I don't drink this today I never will_. Knows she can feel the flex of Lena's thighs underneath her hands every time she leans in, every time she shifts her hips or presses up, or _fuck_, just, anything.

Which is absolutely making Kara's head spin for some reason, so she pulls back a bit and tries to blink the stars from her eyes, tries to catch her breath and stop rubbing her hands on Lena's joggers. Because she doesn't sweat, _her palms aren't sweaty_. 

"Sorry, um. This is really nice. I like it when you start, get anxious about it sometimes when we're waiting on _me. _I like being sure you want it, so. I don't know, I just get nervous," she explains, blinking up at Lena, mouth going dry when she sees her blown pupils and glowy skin and _lips_, that are somehow swollen and _pink_ and even prettier than they normally are.

"I could kiss you more often, if you want. If that's okay," Lena says, heart actually thudding in her chest. Kara can_ hear _it now, since her ears are apparently tuning back in. "Always want to kiss you, been thinking about it since, well, before it happened but way more since then. You can even touch me more, if you want, don't mind," she goes on, taking Kara's hand and pressing it underneath her shirt, trailing it up until Kara's fingertips are nudging against her bra and Kara's hand... is shaking.

Which is incredibly embarrassing, so she pulls away and makes a good situation bad. "Hey, um, I um. I have to make the call, remember? And then I'm free after that, but um, is that okay?" Lena just frowns like the idea of Kara leaving is physically painful, but Kara's already made an ass of herself, so it's no problem at all digging her hole a little deeper. "It's just quick, make sure I'm not fired or anything, then I'm all you--_yours_\-- for the night, swear it."

"_Finee_," Lena groans out, crumpling into Kara dramatically, and yeah okay, that's the girl Kara _knows_. No need to be nervous around her, it's Lena, _her_ Lena. "But you're all mine after, no take backs. Holding you to it, alright?"

"Of course," Kara says, and then she just goes for broke, leans up and kisses Lena one last time on the lips. Quick, chaste, soft soft soft, so lovely. Lena is very lovely. "Be right back."

Lena nods and climbs off Kara's lap. Kara doesn't exactly _run_ to her room afterwards, more like gracefully skips. She hears Lena turning on the TV once she's inside, but she shuts the door behind her anyway.

Then she takes a calming breath, and. It hits her, a jolt to her whole body, like she's vibrating, electric. She kissed Lena again--wait no--Lena _kissed her_ this time, and wow. Just. She doesn't know how she ever got so lucky.

She's more jittery than nervous now, trotting to the window to open it for fresh air, because it feels like she's on fire, feels like she's going a hundred miles a minute. Which is probably why she doesn't even wait for the volunteer coordinator to say _hello_, before she's off on a rant.

"Hi Elise, I know my theme is late, I'm working on it, promise. And I _know_ the only thing Alice did last year was macaroni necklaces and glitter art and the kids loved it anyway. But I was thinking of taking it a step--"

"Kara," Elise says, firm enough that Kara stops pacing the room and grabs her necklace to suck into her mouth. 

"Yes?" she slurs, mouth watering around the metal.

"Slow down for a second, alright? Don't worry about the theme. We're not having you in the schools this year, there's been a complaint."

"Couldn't be about me, haven't even started yet," Kara says, letting her necklace slide from her mouth, toeing her sock in the carpet. "And i couldn't imagine it's from the senior center, like. Betty made me cookies _and_ a cake, day I left. And John said I was the best volunteer they'd had in years, said I was nice and respectful and kept it interesting. I'm gonna do great in the schools, promise."

"I know you'd do great," Elise says, like it's hypothetical, like Kara's not going to get that chance. "No one complained about _you_ in particular, just. About vampires. And look, to be frank, I don't buy into that shit, wouldn't organize the program around hatred and discrimination. But one of the parents complaining is a police officer and he's making a lot of noise about what the schools are exposing his children to. Plus, with the protests on campus and the--Kara, we're doing this for good, I don't want to make us controversial."

"I don't know what that means," Kara whispers, and it's stupid because it's just a dumb volunteer slot, but it feels like her heart is breaking. "What do you mean _exposing children to_? Like, vampires exist everyday, and. I - I'm not doing anything wrong."

"Kara, don't make this hard," Elise sighs, like she's the one being denied opportunities for just like, wanting to help. "You know I support all the vampire causes, alright? I'm always signing petitions and donating, but my hands are tied here. Don't pretend you don't get it, because I know you do. Just take the senior center again, we'll double up there. They loved you like you said. You'll do great. I have to go."

"Right," Kara says. "Yeah, sure, I'll. Okay."

And then she hangs up.

When she stumbles back to the living room, Lena's on her back on the couch, scrolling through her phone above her face. And even though all of Kara wants to crawl in a hole right now, she still trudges her way over and sits on the floor next to Lena.

"Got it all figured out?" Lena asks, setting her phone down on her sternum, eyes big and more green than they were a few minutes ago.

Kara wants to open up and talk about what just happened, how shit it is, say _it's not fair_ or _we should file a complaint since it's blatant discrimination_.

But when she opens her mouth her throat seizes up, and her chest and her brain, and the only thing that doesn't _hurt_ to say is, "Yeah, she was just checking in. On the theme. Like I thought. When's the concert tonight?"

Lena curls on her side on the couch, phone sliding on the floor, which she doesn't pay attention to because she's tangling a hand in Kara's curls. It's so caring Kara nearly starts tearing up, chest too full of whatever dark thing is currently filling it. "Starts in two hours-ish, but i'd rather talk about what actually happened on the phone call?" Kara feels like her throat clumps up, only thing keeping her put together is how soft Lena's hand is. "You're a terrible liar, always have been, so we're not going anywhere when you look _this_ upset."

Fine, then. She always talks to Lena about everything, anyway.

"I'm not working arts and crafts in the schools this year," Kara whispers, saying each word carefully, making sure her voice doesn't crack, making sure she keeps it even because it feels like she's on a steady drop, and - and _this shouldn't even be a big deal_. She's not hurt or dead-er or out of living accommodations or anything important. She doesn't even _have_ to volunteer, is the bigger thing; it's just a courtesy, something she likes doing, she hasn't even been robbed of a _real_ opportunity. So she wishes it weren't currently dunking on her so fucking hard. "They don't want a vampire around children."

"Fuck that," Lena says harshly, spits the words out like gunshots that ring through Kara's ears, turning fast until she's clumsily sliding off the couch. Then she crawls over until she's in Kara's lap again, kissing against Kara's cheek, shaking like she's so angry she just might snap. "What do you - what do you want me to do? What do you need?"

"I feel not good enough," Kara says, taking a slow, slow breath, telling herself she at least should hold her tears so she doesn't get blood on Lena's shirt. "I feel like no matter how hard I try, I'm not good enough for anything."

"Hey, don't let this get in your head like that," Lena says, scrunching her hands in Kara's shirt. "You - I'd be outraged in your position, anyone should be. But don't let this be something that defines you. It's just a shit situation perpetuated by shit people, and you're not one of them."

It's not just this though, Kara's realizing. It's everything, everything that's ever happened her whole life, down to losing her mother's eyes and Alura, and fucking shit up with Alex and just. She's not meant for anything it seems, and it stings. But it stings the most because - because maybe she's just not meant for Lena, either. Maybe, _fuck_, she knows how she feels about Lena--so gone for her she would risk it all just to be close to her. Knows when she looks at Lena it's like watching living poetry, like every beautiful word that's ever been written or spoken is tangled-up in her existence. And she knows Lena likes her, loves her even, but what Kara feels is beyond that.

This isn't trivial for her or just a relationship or a trial-and-error in the love game. Lena's her whole entire world.

So, maybe they should stop this before it starts, because if Kara's learning anything about herself from the past few weeks it's that all she has to do is exist to shit up everything around her. She even hurt Lena, even made it impossible for Lena to seek healthcare, made it a shitty experience for them walking home, made her bleed while kissing. She's just - maybe this - maybe _she's_ just better off alone.

"We shouldn't do this," she says, trailing her hands along Lena's thigh. "I can deal with the world being shit, I can. I've done it my whole life and maybe internalized it a little too much, but I can handle it. But _you_\--and I know the volunteer thing has nothing to do with you, but--I've only kissed you twice and I already feel like I don't know what I'll do when I can't do that anymore. And I know I'm maybe fun for you, or exciting, but if we go any further, I think how shitty society is will be the least of my worries."

It feels like the entire room takes a breath as soon as she gets the words out, and suddenly they're suspended in nothingness, neither one of them having the air to speak for a while.

But then, finally, Lena says, "I wanna show you something, if that's okay?" turning herself in Kara's lap so her shoulder's pushed against Kara's chest, pressing her hand against herself low on her belly, toes curling and uncurling in her socks. "You want to know how much I want you, is that it? D'you need to be sure? Because this isn't just _fun_ for me, Kara, and I really want you to get that."

Of course Kara wants to know, wants to be sure, wants to more than anything else, wants to so much it feels like she's shivering from the tension. Of course she wants--god--if there even _is _any chance Lena wants her even a fraction as much, then she wants to know.

Hell, she spent their entire first year as friends freaking out because Lena was so beautiful she could barely look at her without her stomach flipping, so. There's a very obvious answer to that question.

Still, Kara doesn't answer it, doesn't know _how _to answer it or even get a chance to, because - well, because a lot of reasons - but the most important one is that Lena's hand is trailing lower and lower down her belly, and Lena's palm is pressing her shirt up just a little bit, and Kara's hands are tensing against Lena just watching and trying to stay as still as possible.

"God, Kara," Lena's saying, pupils expanding as she undoes the strings on her joggers, as her fingers fumble with the material before she finally slips the knot open and then sinks her hand below the waist of her pants.

It takes Kara a second to realize what's happening, to process what's going on, but there's no mistaking the way Lena's hand starts twisting against herself, bulging tight against the fabric, the way her breath's catching, the way Kara's suddenly filled with nerves and excitement and arousal. Lena's scent filling her nose and overriding every single inch of Kara's body and mental space.

"I want you so much, it's hard to articulate it properly," Lena breathes out, voice _low_ and smooth and broken. "But, I don't know, sometimes all it takes is me sitting next to you for me to feel like I can't breathe, like I'm caught up in you so much i couldn't figure my way out even if I had a map. And some days I'm delusional enough to convince myself you feel the same, but most days it's like--I just don't _know_."

_I do feel the same_, Kara wants to say out loud, but her tongue sticks to the roof of her mouth when Lena's heart rate picks up, when Lena moans the next time she exhales, when she hears the unmistakable _schlick_ of Lena's fingers sliding in how wet she is. 

_How wet she is_.

Lena's actually wet and touching herself and the entire time she's holding Kara's eye contact--eyes so beautiful, they're like an endless ocean off the coast of an island, burning a hole right through Kara's heart, refusing to look away or be bashful or make this moment any less intense, refusing to be watered down or muddied or even a little more palatable.

It's like a warm scotch, straight up, no chaser that Kara's taking straight to her fucking head right now. Like she absolutely cannot take this right now.

Which, literal, honest to god, results in her... fangs popping out, because of course it does. But then she also _growls_ and smashes her face against Lena's hair, chest still pressed against Lena so she's _feeling_ the vibrations of her heart beating double-time, but also hearing it echo through her head like there's nothing but cacophonous cave-space between her ears.

"_Lena_," she finally manages to grit out, but her voice is so raspy, it's like sandpaper in the air.

Because she growled, she actually growled, actually did the thing vampires do when they're like... fuck, she's never even heard a vampire properly do that before, didn't even know her throat could produce that sound. Which is like, a massive amount of evidence that what Lena said is completely ridiculous.

"You have to know how much I want you," she continues after a second, hand fisting in Lena's shirt careful careful careful not to grip her fingers in her skin at this point, because it's like _she can't control herself _or her feelings or for the life of her retract her fangs. "...like it _has_ to be obvious by now. I don't know how you'd be confused or unsure. Don't know how you'd assume there's a chance that I _don't_, god--" Kara feels so flushed, she's dizzy with it. "--that I wouldn't even know how to live without you."

And she can still _hear_ Lena, is the thing, hear Lena touching herself, and it has her head positively swirling; her eyes zoning in and out to the point she has to keep them forced shut as her brain flicks through filthy thoughts like imagining Lena curling her fingers inside herself, imagining her own fingers curled inside Lena. Imagining actually having her mouth on her, maybe, but.

Fuck, she doesn't know if that's even possible, because she doesn't want to hurt Lena, accidentally, with her fingers, or like. 

She just - she doesn't want to hurt Lena. _She doesn't want to hurt Lena_, and she knows the solution is maybe to just talk about it, but she also doesn't want to draw attention to the fact that she's a vampire. That she's shit and no one trusts vampires for a reason, probably, and she probably _will_ hurt Lena again at some point, and maybe she _shouldn't_ be trusted with or let around kids, apparently, and...

It's - it's like there's just so many factors and barriers floating through her mind that, _no_, okay--it's not that she_ doesn't_ want to be with Lena, but she feels like she can't or shouldn't or at the very least should not be allowed to.

But, fuck. Fuck. What is Lena _doing_ right now.

"I don't know, somtimes, like, you just - you make me feel like I'm crazy," Lena says, letting her head tilt back, making Kara actually open her eyes and _look _ at her, cheeks flushing enough as she twists her wrist in her pants that it's making Kara feel crazy too.

Especially when Lena flutters her eyes shut and let's them slowly lift back open, when she finally pulls her hand out and spreads her fingers apart, when Kara realizes that her fingers are slick enough that there's still a glistening filament joining them even as they separate. "I don't know how else to show you how serious this is for me, what you _do_ to me. And, I don't know, just, if you _know_ what you're doing to me, then I don't know why you don't _want_ me. Because I'm all yours, you've had me right from the start, of course you have, and I thought I was obvious about it, but all you do is push me away. So I don't know at this point."

"Christ," Kara says, low under her breath because she can feel a rumble in her chest again, feel her whole body shaking like she's vibrating with energy and just might make a weird noise again.

And then--_jesus fuck, she was never meant to resist this, she's only a fucking vampire_\--she grabs Lena's wrist, as gently as she can at this point, and sucks her fingers right into her mouth. Being careful of her fangs, of course, tongue stuttering through the slick as she takes in the _taste_; trying her best to process why Lena tastes sweeter than anything online has ever described this as, slobbering and choking over her fingers as she sucks them too far into her throat trying to get more more _more_. Keeps going even when Lena tries to pull her fingers away, because it's like nothing else matters anymore.

"Hey," Lena says, gripping her hand in Kara's shirt to anchor her as she pulls her fingers out. Then she twists in her lap so she's straddling her waist, lifts her hands and massages them in her curls until Kara's forced to lift her head and actually look in her eyes again. "Could you just talk to me about what you're thinking? You're always caged off and mysterious about certain things and it's real endearing until it's not. I don't know what you think I know, because you don't tell me."

_Right_, Kara thinks; she needs to talk, she knows it. But -- _no_, actually, there's not a but, there's just that fact.

"I want you, I do. I swear," she says, letting Lena cradle her head, letting Lena drink her in like she's some impossibly beautiful thing, like she doesn't have the eyes of a vampire and probably no soul. "I'm just, m'nervous about how it might - about like, I don't want to hurt you, you know? And please don't dismiss that like I won't because I might. And I've already hurt you twice before, so can we just acknowledge that? So, I'm not pushing you away, just think a little caution is in order."

"Right," Lena says, but it looks like she's not happy with that, because her nose twitches as she twists her mouth up. "If you're not gonna talk to me, this isn't going to work. It's that simple."

"I don't know, I've just," Kara starts, nervous enough that she's trembling a little. "I think you're too good and too pretty and too smart with _too much_ going for you to want a long term with me, okay? And I've like, dreamed of having someone like you my whole life, or being safe enough to even entertain it, so it feels like I'm grasping at water now that you're finally here, and it just makes my chest feel hollow wondering when it'll stop being real. And the volunteering thing, it just, it really makes me sad because I wanted that a lot, and. I don't know. It's just, all the - all the _crap _ happening to me and in the country and in the world just scares me a little more each day, because what if--"

"There is no what if," Lena says, pulling Kara closer and pressing their lips together. "I want you forever, and I'm gonna protect you no matter what, I swear it. That's the only what if you have to think about. And all this shit, everything that's happening, we're gonna figure it out. And even if we don't, I'll be with you every step of the way while we're trying. I hope that's clear, because, fuck Kara, I don't know how to be more clear."

_Fuck_, Kara thinks, _god fuck_. She's in so deep there's no way out without getting hurt, so it's - it's not even all or nothing anymore, it's just _all._

"Alura was my maker," she says out of nowhere, like it's just been perched in her throat all this time, right against Lena's lips, right into the air, speaks it into the world like something's taken over her vocal cords. "And I - it's not that exciting because she made me long, long after the other daughters, and i'm not sure why she even did. So i never really felt like _one of them_, and I've never been able to fly like them, and Alura never told me anything about anything. _No one ever tells me anything_, like. I don't even know what this thing is on my ribs, but all the daughters had one, apparently, and--"

"It's a faerie rune," Lena says, extra fucking soft, but so matter-of-factly that Kara nearly accepts that faeries actually exist without question, but. What? "All the daughters had one, you're right. It's the reason they could fly and do things other vamps couldn't. They were channeling faerie magic."

Which, again. What? That's ridiculous. It - that - what? Kara's read the _Book of Lilith_, has read all the ancient texts, every significant vampire writing that anyone can think of, and _none_ of it has ever mentioned that. And, until a week ago, Lena didn't even know she had this, let alone-- 

_God_, nothing is adding up. "Where are you getting that from, Lee? I've seen a lot of things, but I've never even seen faeries _mentioned_ other than in the Book of Lilith. So I don't--where'd you hear that?"

"Um," Lena says, shakily, clearing her throat as she flexes her thighs against Kara. "It's just something that all faeries know."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi all, i have this story planned out at ~60k words (for now), so ignore me playing with the chapter count, just figuring out how i wanna space it. as always, all typos are my fault, just try to imagine what things should say ;p
> 
> i also wanted to say thank you(!!) all so much for the support so far on this story, and special thanks to [lisamar1exo](https://lisamar1exo.tumblr.com/) for [THIS](https://lisamar1exo.tumblr.com/post/188473925472/been-obsessed-with-the-vampire-au-by?is_highlighted_post=1) lovely picture of Lena. it's been really fun writing it, an i really do appreciate everyone!!
> 
> im over on tumblr: [here](https://valkyrieskwad.tumblr.com/) if you wanna talk to me/send me anything/various other whatnots (((8
> 
> enjoy x

In all fairness, Kara has no reason to _not_ trust what she's hearing. After all, Lena's never lied to her.

And they're having a rather Serious Talk so far, so it doesn't feel like Lena's taking a left turn and making a random funny right this moment. Not to mention Lena's _shaking_, her hands and thighs, trembling right up against Kara's waist as she straddles her lap, but... _faeries_?

Really?

It's not even that they _can't_ exist, because Kara knows they can, knows they _did_.

But--_f__aeries__ runes magic jesus fucking christ--_the whole lot of it is hard to process and at the same time... suddenly the only thing that makes sense to adequately explain it all: Alura and flying and her birthmark and all the daughters sharing that _one_ thing.

So Kara's open to that whole idea, she _is. _It doesn't even go against her thinking--she's always, _at the core of her,_ assumed faeries still existed in some capacity, one way or another.

She doesn't need more evidence than Lena _saying_ it, to make her believe it's true_. _Hell, she can even put two-and-two together and fathom the logistics of it all, considering how _old_ Alura was, and the secrecy around the origins of their abilities.

It just - it makes sense, is what she's saying.

But thats not the flustering piece of this whole thing.

What's really stumping Kara, really flabbering her gast, is trying to figure out how _Lena_ knows that. It's _that_ part of it that she can't wrap her head around. It's that little piece of it, that minor detail, that has her absolutely floored. 

Kara nibbles the inside of her cheek and considers, for a really long second, what Lena might've meant by _all faeries know. _Then, after no good answer comes to her, she decides on just voicing her confusion because there's no possible way for her to rationalize that.

"I don't get it," she mumbles, voice dragging carefully over the syllables of each word like even the sound of herself speaking is an absolute conundrum now. "I mean I get it, but I still don’t_ get_ it. If it's something all _faeries_ know, then how do you know it? D'you know a _faerie_?"

"Yeah, I mean, I guess _y_ou could say it like that. It wouldn't be technically wrong," Lena says, reaching up to scrunch her fingers in her hair, devastatingly flushed and gorgeous as she ducks her head, eyelashes fanning over her cheeks as she blinks up from beneath them.

Then she does that thing she does when she's nervous, presses her lips together and clenches her jaw, outline of her cheekbones sharp enough to cut a fucking salad. Fingers linking together as she keeps shake shake shaking right in Kara's hands. 

And.

Kara, she--_fuck_, she loves her _so_ much, and that's probably why it's only _now_ that her mind lights up with an _oh my god, fuck _lightbulb, only now that it wraps around what Lena's trying to admit to her.

It's only _now_ that she realizes maybe Lena Luthor is too unfathomably perfect for a human, because she's _not_ human. 

"I mean, like, _you_ know one, _too_," Lena trails off, then adds, "You know her really well."

And even though everything was already starting to sink in, it still hits Kara like a stiff wind to the face, because that's an admission, isn't it? She's interpreting this right, she's pretty sure.

Or, well, she at least _thinks_ she's maybe right, and.

_That's okay_, Kara thinks, _that's confusing and perplexing and a headscratcher but Lena's never, ever lied to her especially when she looks this serious_, Kara thinks. So _that's okay_, Kara thinks. In the grand scheme of things _this_ isn't what breaks them.

Lena can be a faerie all she wants, do whatever it is faeries do--eat fruit and prank unsuspecting humans and masquerade as butterflies, _jesus christ_, what do faeries even _do_? Maybe Lena isn't actually one and it's like, Sam or something.

They both know her. It could be Sam. Kara needs to be surely sure before she starts littering the kitchen with succulents to make the house more forest-y so Lena feels more at home. Because faeries like flowers, right? 

Ugh.

Game Plan. Okay. Step one: figure out if Lena's a faerie. Step two: figure out what she likes.

She's got this. 

"So um, this faerie we know, does she happen to be sitting on my lap?" Kara asks, and it's weird, but she's so jittery right now, so tense and weird and fluttery in her stomach. 

And she _keeps_ licking her lips, over and over and over, until there's a thick layer of saliva coating them because she's buzzing with enough nervous energy to power a whole fucking city right now. And, _god_, she knows at least one other person feels it too, because Lena keeps getting redder and redder and huffier, to the point it's almost too alarming not to point it out.

So Kara does the only thing she knows how to do to cut the tension, and asks, as steady as she can, "Does she also happen to be the girl I'm in love with no matter what species she identifies as? 'specially if she's fae, by the way, because that means I can _actually _love her _physically_ forever."

Lena nods. She slumps against Kara and _nods_, pressing her face against Kara's cheek and ear and hair and neck, so hot that Kara would swear she was running a fever if she didn't just admit to the existence of a species no one's ever encountered before.

Kara figured it out, was already _sure_ a minute ago, but now thats it's confirmed, she - she's not sure what to do. Lena's still warm and still pretty and still wrapped around her, and she can barely process _that_, but now there's _this_.

But, fuck if she'll let her confusion get in the way of her _helping_ Lena. Because Lena's half-way to a panic attack and Kara's number one concern, above it all, is that Lena's healthy and safe and calm. "Tell me what you're thinking. Let me help."

"I don't know, just, fuck," Lena groans, muffled against her neck, heart jackrabbiting in her chest--_against_ Kara's chest, fingers digging fiercely into Kara's biceps with more strength than Kara's ever felt her have. "So many things I want to tell you, but don't know where to start."

Okay, that's easy. Kara can start. She's good at questions, could ask them all day if she needed to, so.

"How about, um," she says, trailing her hands over Lena's thighs so she can lace them behind her on the small of her back, trying to think of where _she_ would want Lena to start. There's one very obvious question at the forefront of her mind. "Are all the Luthors fae? Is _Lillian_ fae?"

"Yes," Lena says, stiff as a board, as if the Luthor family being fae magically taints Lena's character, as if the Luthor family name wasn't questionable already, as if _this_ is their biggest offense--being born a certain way. "There's a fae word for what Lillian-_-Luthors_\--are, that you wouldn't understand. But it very, very roughly translates to royal dark fae. She's not my mother, though, not my _biological_ one. My real mother was light fae and Lionel--_god_ can we not start there, it's messy and I hate it and it makes me feel gross."

"Okay," Kara says, gladly dropping that topic, since it seems it was getting real complicated real fast. She sort of blanks on what to ask after that, though, so she ends up being a potato and going with, "Do faeries like flowers?"

"Depends on the faerie, to be honest. But a lot of our magic _is_ nature-based, so I suppose we're inclined. _God_. I think I'm just--_know I_'m just--nervous because I broke cardinal rule number one of fae law just now," she goes on without Kara's prompting, thank god. Kara's like a fucking fish out of water here. "We're _not_ supposed to expose ourselves. But I couldn't _not _tell you I'm fae, not with how I feel about you. So I thought if you drank my blood you'd figure it out on your own, and I'd just fess up, but you _didn't_, and--"

She takes a big gulp of a breath, takes a second to swallow and loosen her grip on Kara, takes a second to steady herself and her shaky voice, then continues.

"I've tried to shake it, I've _tried_, but I can't, I _physically cant_, because the more I love you, the more my _magic_ loves you--and it's like, it's so _drawn_ to you, is the thing. So every time I touch you or I'm near you, it wants to spill out of me and _consume_ you--consume you so you're _mine_, so I have you, so we're entangled. It wants you so much it's hard for me to control it sometimes. And I - I _needed _to tell you so you know what's happening, because it's not just _me_ that wants you, it's my magic too, and that means sometimes I can affect you in ways I'm not intending, but. This is a part of me, and I can't change that, so if you don't want that, just tell me."

Kara has no idea what to say. Part of her realizes this is supposed to be a big revelation, but the larger part is mostly thinking _she doesn't__ care_, because it's Lena. She'd accept Lena in any way, shape or form and--

It's not even that big of a deal for other reasons, either, like she already accepted the Luthor family was central to bringing down Alura.

So, seriously, the only thing _this_ does is make it make more sense.

Importantly, though, it doesn't _change_ the way she feels about Lena, because she doesn't think anything ever will. Especially not Lena saying her _magic_\--jesus christ--is drawn to Kara, to the point she can't contain it.

"So," she starts slowly, deciding to not even entertain the idea of not wanting Lena, because that would_ never_ cross her mind, and _ugh_. They don't need to go over that again. They're both here and it's pretty clear now they're both staying. "What happens if you just let it flow out?"

"What?" Lena asks.

"Your magic," Kara says. "I don't mind if you just, I don't know, let it do what it wants? As long as it doesn't hurt me. Or at least not hurt me _a lot_."

"Oh." Kara can _feel_ the tension melting from Lena. Feel her body relaxing in her arms, soft and limp and heavy against Kara's chest as she finally, _finally_ takes a deep breath that doesn't sound concerning. "I don't think you understand what you're asking for."

"Is what I'm asking for something you _want_ to do?"

"It's all I think about," Lena says, so calm and resolute it's like she's speaking the words directly from her soul. "I want it so much, so _bad_, wanna claim you for my own so I never have to worry again, but it's not something you do on a whim, it's permanent."

Kara hums. "But _we're_ also permanent, aren't we? In one way or another. Like a tattoo."

"No," Lena says, dragging her hand down slowly to tuck underneath Kara's shirt, trailing up up up until she's grazing Kara's birthmark with her fingertips. "More like a _rune_."

Oh. Jesus.

Kara tries to think calming thoughts, reading books on stormy days, strolling through flower fields at nighttime or stargazing in dark spots with no city lights. Definitely not _whatever it is_ that Lena has to do to leave a permanent mark on her body that's laced with faerie magic.

"I think I'm definitely interested."

Lena runs her nose against Kara's jaw, back and forth back and forth, like she's nervous, and then she lifts her head, eyes flickering a bright bright green, assessing Kara like she's too good to be true.

"Are you sure?" she asks. "God, we're _not_ talking about this. I just wanted to voice what I'm going through, but it's not--I _want_ to, but we don't have to, okay? That wasn't what I was saying. I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you, or like you have to do it because you love me."

"I don't feel pressured, but I _do_ love you, so I wanna know about it. Because, if it's something you want so much you can barely hold it in, then it's something I want too. I'm being honest. So can you go over it for me, explain it?"

Lena looks, for a second, like she might fight that, but then she just nods her head. Swallows thick and licks her lips and takes a shaky breath and nods her head again.

"Yeah, I can - I can definitely go over it," she says, leaning back and pulling Kara's hand into her own, flipping it palm-up and spanning out Kara's fingers as she holds it between them. "Can even demonstrate it a little bit, so it's - so you can see it's not so daunting. But, again, it's no pressure."

"I know, no pressure," Kara repeats.

"Good, okay, good. Just want to be clear," Lena breathes out, nibbling her lip like she's nervous. Or maybe not _nerves_, per se, but anticipation--_anticipating_ what's to come. Then she clears her throat and lifts her eyebrow in that way she always does when she's checking with Kara.

Kara clears her own throat and nods her head because she's always sure with Lena.

And then things take a sharp left turn, because good _god_ on a stick--if Kara had any lingering doubt about Lena's fae heritage, it gets flatblasted out of her the second she sees Lena's fingertips glowing-up bright white and mesmerizing and _absolutely fucking impossible._ The second Lena presses them against her skin and Kara gets consumed with the warm buzz of energy radiating out of them.

The second the energy dissolves into a slow thrum of heat, constant and consistent, reverberating throughout her entire hand and arm and _chest_ as Lena traces the lines of her palm.

And, _fuck_, it's all only intensified by the fact that Lena's _focused_, and her hands are _so _steady and _slow_slow and meticulous, gliding against Kara as if she's ingraining the magic right into the indentations, slipping it right in the grooves and letting it linger there. 

Which, _holy hell_, this is _crazy_, for lack of a better word. Kara's head is _zooming_, thinking _magic faeries magic faeries magic faeries _on repeat like a shitty chorus line.

"It's like, sometimes your magic latches on to someone," Lena starts, casually, like this is an everyday magic stroll down Kara's palm-lines, like they aren't actively making history with this entire fucking interaction. This was _not in the books!!_

"It singles out your _soulmate_, is best I can put it in English, and when it does you just go with it, you trust it always, because the one undeniable Truth that all faeries agree on is _your magic never leads you astray_." She looks up when she says it, eyes big and dark and _fuck_. Kara's never had magic inside her, she doesn't think, but she can sense from Lena's expression and glowy fingers that it can _maybe?_ be trusted, wholeheartedly. "So, in fae culture, once your magic latches on to someone, you give them your family rune. It's how you bond, how you're able to sense them at all times, how you're able to be closer than _close_."

"I wanna be close," Kara whispers, like it's involuntary, warmth spreading throughout her hand like Lena's magic is trying to guide _her_ too. Which is probably dumb, she's probably just--well, not _probably_; she _is_\--massively turned on right now. "Always wanna be close to you."

"I know," Lena says, still tracing her fingers in slow, slow swirls, lips pretty and _pinkpinkpink_ when she smiles. "My birth mother taught me how to give the one from her side before she died. We used to trace it on paper and trees and in the dirt together for fun," she goes on, fingers tracing a more intricate pattern like she's mapping it out as she says it. "And I never thought I'd get the chance to pass it on, but I want to. With you. But if I'm making you feel obligated--"

Kara shuts her up with a kiss. Because she's had enough of that. Because she's been sure about Lena for a long time now, and she's even more sure now that they're not just _a_ possibility but pretty much an outright guarantee if only she'd stick her hand out and accept it.

So she kisses her, deep and hard and loving. Kisses her as passionate as she feels about her, until the room starts spinning, until she nearly forgets their conversation, until her mind is blanking from happiness, until it doesn't matter anymore that she's a vampire and Lena's a faerie.

Because _they're _just _them_, and Kara doesn't know how many times she needs to think that before it solidifies as a concept.

"You're not pressuring me, you're _not_, okay? I want that too," Kara says, pulling back and shrugging, because she's head over heels for Lena and she doesn't see this going any other way. To make it even more blatantly fucking clear, she lifts her hand up between them and grabs at her necklace, then presses a quick kiss to Lena's lips, before she adds, "Vampires don't bond or anything, but Alura gave me this necklace last time I saw her, and it means a lot to me. I'd want you to have that? If it's not too weird."

Lena just looks at Kara, really looks at Kara, expression stuck somewhere between bewildered and amazed, and just when Kara feels maybe she should explain herself more, she says, "I love you. So much."

Oh. Good. _Oh. _Kara feels herself smiling too big, too wide, too goofy. "You told me that already, not too long ago."

"Yeah, and I'll probably tell you again in like, ten minutes. Get used to it, 'm not stopping."

"I don't want you to stop, not ever," Kara says, kissing her again, and then again and again and again, before telling her, "I love you too, by the way. Enough to take this magic journey with you, inject foreign unexplainable forces into my body."

"Okay," Lena says, soft and bashful and _red_, eyelashes fluttering as she looks down, like it's suddenly impossible for her to look into Kara's eyes. Then, she clears her throat, _loud _and unnatural, fingers knotting between their bellies, and stumbles out, "So, um," awkward transition galore, so cute and so flushed and so fumble-y that Kara could swear they switched places. "...we have some options now, I think, for what to do next--could sit here and make-out, or eat something, maybe, or do the concert--"

"Or give me a rune?"

"Right. Yeah, we could do that too," Lena says, calmly, slowly, heart thumping at a solid hundred-twenty beats per minute like a Spotify _running_ playlist. "That's also an option if you want it to be."

"Of course I want it to be," Kara says, and because she _still_ remembers her awkward o-word, she adds, "But, um, is it weird? What happened last time you touched my other rune? That was magic too, right? Must've been."

"Yeah, it was. And. No, not at all, you're not weird, babe," Lena says, and kisses Kara immediately, fast and sticky since Kara's lips are still damp. "When you don't have magic coursing through your body, it's - I guess it's just foreign to you. And there's no telling how your system's going to process it once you try it. So, it was only natural."

Oh, there's a thought. Except, that doesn't make it any less... _weird_, really. "So my _natural _response was sexual, is what you're saying? You're sure that's not weird?"

"Right, um, so," Lena smiles, still awkward and fidgety and Kara could watch her like this forever if she was into torture. "It's just, okay, so you--there's how your body processes magic and _also_ what the magic is conveying, and I think we both just really... _like_ each other, so, um. Sorry for springing it on you like that, should have explained it sooner. Not let you think you were weird or something."

"It's fine, only the most embarrassing moment of my life," Kara jokes, leaning forward so she can press their noses together, just to stay close and touching, but also as a peace offering since it's safe for them to go back to Kara being the nervous one. "But now we're both prepared for it, so let's give it a chance? I want to. I mean, of course I'd _want_ to wear your family rune, would be honored. Gonna love every second of it, I swear, and even if I don't get all the connections that another faerie might get, like feeling you more or feeling bonded, I'd still feel _connected_. Because it's from _you_, and that's what makes it special more than anything else."

But it's more than that, is the thing, more than Kara's willing to say because she doesn't want to sound weird. She'd probably touch it all the time, just to feel the magic coursing or whatever, if she can even do that, or just to feel overwhelmed, to feel _Lena. God, _she wants it.

"Jesus," Lena mumbles. "I really do love you."

"I know," Kara laughs, resting her hands on Lena's waist to squish her closer. "It hasn't even been ten minutes yet, though, for the record."

"Oh my god, stop," Lena blushes, swatting Kara's chest like she wants to push her off, but failing miserably. Kara sprinkling kisses all over her warm-rosy cheeks, until Lena's calm enough to settle comfortably in her arms again. And then she kisses her _more_, because she _can_.

And when she's finally satisfied with how well-kissed Lena is, she pulls up and asks, "So where are we doing this?"

So that's how they end up in the bed, how they end up with Kara on her back and Lena pressed against her, with Kara's mind spinning like one of those dangerous roundabout things kids risk their lives on at the playground. "Go over it again?"

Lena stretches lazily against her side, warm and snuggle-soft, lips still tinted a mouth-watering shade of red. Maybe from the cranberry juice, or maybe from their kissing earlier--god, their kissing. Kara was kissing a real-life... faerie? Seriously? How's it even possible for Lena Luthor to exist?

Kara's been wracking her brain for years over this singular question and it just gets more and more complicated to answer each week that passes.

"It's okay, look, it's simple," Lena says, pressing her nose against Kara's cheek and sneaking a hand underneath her shirt, fingers roaming until they find Kara's birthmark-octagram-f_aerie rune thingy_. Then she starts tracing it delicately with her fingertips. "D'you feel that? It's my magic, same as last time. But this time I'm controlling it more, so it should feel more focused."

Kara sucks a deep breath the second she _does_ feel it, static flooding her brain even faster than it did the first time. Maybe that's what _focused_ means. "Yeah, can feel it," she mumbles, voice shaky as she tilts her head back and lets her eyes slip closed. "Feels nice."

"Good," Lena whispers, breath brushing against Kara's cheek, shockingly cool against how warm Lena's magic is making her. "But when I'm _ingraining_ one, it'll probably be more intense. It's focused, but it's also lacing my magic into your body."

"Intense like how?" Kara asks, because her minds already whirring just from Lena swiping her magic over an _old_ rune, not sure how much more intense she can take without accidentally hurting Lena or breaking something. "Intense enough, I might hurt you? On accident?"

She thinks about the night she crushed Lena's wrist, and reflexively curls her hands against her sides. But Lena stays close, still tracing her octagram, apparently undeterred by Kara's ability to control herself. "I know a good rope charm, could use it if that makes you feel better?"

It's dumb, but _rope charm_ bounces around in Kara's head in a weird way, like she's getting squirmy just thinking about Lena tying her up. And she should _not be turned on_ by that, considering the whole point is Lena's safety, but she's just. Dumb. Apparently.

And chewing her lip now, fuck, she needs to stop.

"Yeah, i'd love that--_like_ that--would feel better knowing you're safe from me grabbing you on reflex or something." 

"Yeah, I'd love that, too," Lena says, and Kara can tell she's smirking even with her eyes closed.

"_Stop_," she whines, wiggling her hips like that does anything but hurt her point. "i can't help it. You don't know what your magic, like, how it feels against me. It's a lot and it fogs up my head, and it's also nice and _good_ and other stuff, and don't make fun of it, please."

"You're right, sorry, just keeping things light," Lena says, and somehow Kara's cheek gets rewarded with a kiss, right before Lena pulls her hand off entirely. Kara does everything she can not to cave in on herself, not to feel disappointed. Lena's coming right back, of course, the whole reason they're lying here in the first place. "But, I do want to talk a little while you're not foggy, before we start. So we're all on the same page."

Oh. Kara perks up, then shifts over and looks at Lena. "Still don't feel pressured, if you're checking in. And I'm really okay with the rope, honest."

"That's good," Lena says, "But, are you _sure_?"

Kara nods. "I'm sure."

"I'm not taking advantage of you, am I? Is there any other way I can give you the option to say no?"

"You're not, okay? Not even a little bit," Kara smiles, curling her finger against Lena's belly. "And there isn't, not really, because I'm just not gonna say it. I'm _yes_ all the way for this, alright?"

"I already know you love me," Lena says, like she's still not convinced, hand falling hot on Kara's belly where her shirt's pushed up. "I know I'm annoying you with my apprehension, but this is a _big deal_ for faeries, and I want to give it the weight it deserves.

"I know it's big deal, never thought otherwise," Kara says, tugging at Lena's shirt so she falls into a chaste kiss. Then she shifts more on her side and presses Lena back on the mattress, drops her shoulder and makes sure she's at a good angle to properly splay her hand over Lena's heart. She's a sucker for romantic gestures, and this is the perfect set-up if she's ever seen one. "I've lived for a pretty long time compared to most beings, and even with_ that_, i've still seen more crap than there has a right to be packed into one vampires lifetime. So, I want you to know I'm not speaking from a lack of life experience when I tell you i've never been more sure about anything than I am about you. There isn't a single millimeter of me that's having second thoughts about this rune, because I'm with you through thick or thin, no matter what, for however long our forever is. And that's just the truth. So, yeah, I'm _sure_."

"_Okay_, you don't have to be so gay about it," Lena says, swatting at her arm to push her hand away. But her cheeks are _red_ enough that Kara _knows_ she got her point across. "Okay, _god_, sorry, okay. I've just wanted this so long, you know? And it's happening. It's happening?"

"It's happening," Kara assures her, and _just_ because she responded to Kara's big gesture, _hand on heart and everything_, with a dumb come-back, Kara starts to _tickle_ her.

A dumb decision, to be honest, in hindsight, since Lena's got multiple advantages--mostly that she's smaller and more fragile so Kara has to watch herself, but also that she's ruthless and will completely over-power Kara when Kara's just trying to be _careful_.

Which is how, like five minutes later, they end up with Kara on her back guarding her ribs, and Lena straddling her thigh still holding up her curled _offensive_ fingers.

"Shouldn't we get started," Kara giggles, out of sheer self-preservation at this point. "I mean, think 'm ready, and we shouldn't push it off since we both want this."

"Fuck, yeah, I just - we should start," Lena agrees, smiling and clapping her magical hands together, then she tells Kara to ready herself as she lifts her shirt up to her armpits.

In which Kara notices that Lena's _hands_, they just - they seem so much _larger_, somehow, larger than Kara's ever realized.

Kara's always noticed her _own_ hands, always getting in the way and clumsy, but Lena's are big and _purposeful_ right now, careful and sure and delicate and _full of magic. _Roaming against Kara's skin like she's a vast land of unexplored territory.

"We're gonna do it right here, on the hip," Lena settles on, thumb pressing hot against Kara, sending shivers up her belly and the magic hasn't even started yet. "You'll love it, gonna be pretty just like you."

"Even prettier, I bet," Kara says, letting her head drop back because she's getting a rush just thinking about magic being pressed into her body by _Lena _of all people--er, _faeries_. "It's coming from you, after all, never known you to do anything that's not immaculate."

Lena just rolls her eyes, probably because Kara's being a massive nerd again, then she starts circling her wrist as she instructs, "Hands above your head, crossed at the wrist, please."

Kara complies, and not even five seconds later, the hand that Lena's swirling starts to _glow_, and Kara can feel something cool and _firm_ lacing across her skin, working it's way into the mattress until it's secured her down to it.

"Sure these'll hold?" she asks, pressing up against the ropes to test. "I get pretty strong when I'm, like, out of it."

"Nothing stronger than fae magic," Lena says, confident enough that Kara doesn't feel the need to worry about it. "As a final warning, though--once I start the rune process, I can't exactly stop. I have to finish or it'll leave something fucked on your body. But it only takes like, two minutes to trace it on, so you just have to get through that. Understood?"

"Understood," Kara says, nods, nibbles her lip, because just _minutes_ from now Lena and her will be forever connected.

"Great, nice, I love you so much," Lena says, nibbling her own lip, and then she pulls the waistband of Kara's sweats down and touches her glowing finger to her skin without another second of hesitation.

Kara instantly thinks two things at the exact same time: the first is _holy shit that was quick_, and the second is roughly along the lines of _holy fucking shit i'm not going to survive this._

Because _more __intense_ was an understatement.

When Lena said she was lacing her magic into Kara's body, she apparently meant it literally.

The _feeling_, the one Kara won't dare try to grace with an adequate descriptor, starts right at Lena's fingertip, but as soon as it spreads against Kara's skin, it branches out like lattice-work, trailing it's way over her body like it's on a mission, like it's _rewriting_ the structure of her DNA.

Kara's first instinct is to snatch her hand down and bite her knuckle, but she _can't_ because the rope-work is just as strong as Lena said it is. Her second instinct is her _fangs_, and not even in a sexual way this time, it just _feels_ like she's under attack, like she needs to protect herself.

There's hardly anything _sexual_ about Lena's magic this time, just white hot and searing, like she's branding the rune right into Kara's skin, like she's searing it into the memory of Kara's every fiber.

It's overwhelming and stinging and blinding and frustrating. But it's also weird and tingly and numbing and it hurts but _doesn't hurt_. And it's making Kara muffled and fuzzy and jittery and, _god_, she's _losing herself_.

It's like ice water shooting through her system, like a fire trying to purify her from the inside out. She feels it acutely _everywhere_, brain splish-sploshing like a particularly turbulent day out white-water rafting. 

"God, Lena, I'm not - don't know if I _can_," Kara mumbles, choked off and incoherent because she's being ripped apart, wrists flexing against the magical rope, only finding _more_ resistance the harder she struggles.

"If I stop now, it'll be something else entirely," Lena says slowly, fanning her free hand over Kara's ribs and pressing her into the mattress. "You're doing so good, though. It's a lot of magic for a non-fae, but you're taking it so well."

"I'm like, 'm trying, _fuck_," Kara gasps, digging her fangs in her bottom lip, since the magic is officially spreading through her chest now, gripping her up and taking her breath away with each one she tries to take. Two minutes, _jesus fucking christ_, two whole minutes of _this_.

"I've wanted this, _fuck_, I've wanted this so much, Kara," Lena says, the pinnacle of cool and collected as she re-traces the magic over a sharp edge, Kara vaguely feeling the glide of her finger as she tries to block out the lava coursing through her veins, _just_ so she can _hear _Lena's_ voice._ "But I kept panicking about telling you I'm a faerie, or thinking you'd take it bad, or worse, that - that you'd say _no_ to _this_, and I'd just be stuck on you forever, but never really _having _you. So I'm so glad you said yes, and I promise once I'm done I'll make everything better, but we just have to get through _this_ part."

"_Please_," Kara breathes out, because she can't process it all--between Lena's voice and the ropes and the _magic_, she feels like she's getting lost in a fast-moving tsunami of feelings. But still, it's important Lena knows - "I love you, course m'gonna do it, gonna make it."

She lifts her hips up, after she says it, unsure why, but loving the feeling of _moving_, like it's dissipating some of the pooling energy. 

But Lena's quick to keep her pressed down, and _god_. She just feels so hot and filled and raw and frantic. She just wants her hands on Lena, wants to grab her thighs or her wrist, hold on to it as she traces the lines.

She just wants to _touch_ her, to hold her, to have Lena _help her through this_, but she can't, _knows_ she can't. And it's driving her insane, driving her crazy, making her heart pump _too fucking thickly_ in her chest, _thump-tick-thump_, cycling blood like thick ketchup through a small straw.

Even worse, it's making her head--

Wait.

Fuck.

What?

Is that,_ fuck,_ is that what that is? In her chest, _that_ feeling. Is her heart beating?

_How_ is her heart beating? 

"Lena, I think my heart's beating?" she half-asks, not enough energy to be panicked, but brain flickering through a thousand possibilities all the same. Chief among them the idea that _something is going wrong. _"Mm, s'that okay?"

"Um," Lena hums, so calm in Kara's storm of emotions, that it feels like her metaphorical boat stops shaking for one small, lovely _beautiful_ second. "I've never been bonded before, so I can't say for certain, but faeries always say they can feel their runemate's heart beat, so. It could be that. It could be mine. Plus, I'm almost done, so that makes sense, I think."

"What?" Kara asks, out of breath, brain stopping short like the next thing Lena says will be the most important words ever uttered in history, _entire world_ stopping because she's pretty sure, _pretty confident_, she just heard Lena say that correctly. "What did you say?"

"I'm saying I don't think _you_ have a heart beat, I think you're feeling _mine_," Lena says, like it's a simple explanation, like there's nothing to it, like Kara isn't legitimately _feeling Lena's heart beat_ right now.

"Oh," she says, letting herself melt against the sheets.

And she's pretty sure she doesn't think of anything else, doesn't _feel_ anything else--not the heat or the magic or the ropes or the cold air in the room, _nothing--_except the press of each one of Lena's _thump_ _thump_ heart beats for the remainder of the rune.

Which is barely even another thirty seconds, _sure_, but it could've gone on forever, for all Kara cares.

Because she has Lena, on her hip and in her life and in her_ chest_, thumping away non-stop right where she can _feel_ her. It's like the haze is clearing up, the static, everything she was going through--because nothing is more familiar, more _grounding _ than _this._

She's listened to Lena's heart for so long for so many things--to help herself sleep, to calm herself down, to let herself know everything is okay--and now it's _there_, inside her, pumping as if it's her own.

"You're okay," Lena says, and she's so close suddenly. Kara must've zoned out, because now Lena's stretched on top of her, kissing against the side of her mouth while one of her hands is cupped over the fresh rune. "I'm here, you're okay. You're okay, babe."

"That wasn't fun like before," Kara confesses, voice barely making a sound in the still air of the room. But she remembers how much this means to Lena and thinks about her heart beat and _knows_ she'd do it a thousand times over again.

"I know, it's even a lot for me, so can't imagine what it's like for you, but--we never have to do that again," Lena assures, then she kisses Kara again, full-on the mouth this time, not just the side. 

Kara's pretty certain she's _smiling_ now, the stretch of her lips making it burn where she dug her fangs earlier. Completely worth it, though, because she's _so_ happy.

She wants to tell Lena that, but she doesn't really have it in her to have a proper conversation, already feels her eyes getting heavier and her breathing slowing down, feels herself drifting drifting drifting without even trying to, dozing off.

She's falling fast, but before she slips completely away, she _does_ make sure to listen to Lena's heartbeat, compare it to the one in her chest, and it makes her feel _warm_ inside--realizing they actually _do _match up.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi all, just wanted to say thanks so much for huge amount of positive feedback on this story, and for all of the love and support. also, thanks so much for being patient with me and for all the lovely asks you've sent on tumblr ;pppp
> 
> i included pictures of the runes Kara has in this chapter, because someone requested it. so if it helps your imagination, they're there. if you would prefer to imagine them as something else, feel free, whatever makes the reading experience better for you.
> 
> thanks again for reading the story, hope you enjoy the chapter.

She's wide awake. 

It's 3 a.m. and even the cicada's have given up singing, but Kara's eyes are glued to the ceiling because she can't sleep.

She's not sure if she'll ever sleep again, if she's honest, not with what's burned into her skin, _seared_ into the fabric of her DNA, coursing through her veins like a fire-laced tsunami. Not with Lena lying next to her in the dark, with her heart beat in Kara's chest, with the knowledge that Lena is undeniably and irrevocably _hers._

Every single inch of Lena Luthor perfection--every breath she takes, every ounce of blood pumping through her system, every smile and laugh and and worry or fear--is now linked to Kara through some form of _faerie magic_ that Kara can't even begin to comprehend.

But she can feel it, is the thing, she can _feel _it acutely in every fiber of her being.

And she keeps replaying it, replaying the pain and the excitement of every second it took to ingrain it--the horrible, lovely, volcano-hot scorch of it all, the god-honest _best thing_ that's ever fucking happened to her.

She keeps replaying it and replaying it and replaying it, looped and consuming and intoxicating, brain stuttering and fumbling its way over every millisecond of those two minutes, so she can forever cement it in her memory. So six-hundred years from now when they're still alive and still in love and still _bonded_ because _thats_ what they are--she'll have every second of the experience ingrained as deeply as the magic is. Because she never wants to forget this_\--god knows_ she never wants to forget _this_\--the moment that everything she's ever wished for actually came to fruition.

Because she finally _has _someone, someone that wants her enough to bond to her, someone _she_ wants enough she'd go to hell and back for, someone she'd get a _permanent_ rune for.

But it's more than that, more than the magic or the symbolism of it, more than them just liking or _loving _each other. Lena actually _wants_ her, wants her in the most primal and visceral sense of the word, wants her hot and sticky and explicitly.

Kara can still smell the _slick_ of her dried against her own lips, a sweet-tang that's embedded in her nose-hairs as _familiar_ and _perfect. _She can still hear the sounds from when Lena was slipping her fingers in it and spreading it around, slipping her fingers _inside herself_, probably, twisting them and circling them and shifting as she did it. She can still hear Lena's heart beat as she did it, feel the heat and the weight of her pressed against her skin, still see the way her head tipped back and her eyes fluttered shut and her soft, _pink_ lips parted when she moaned.

And she did it for Kara, _wanted_ Kara to see what she does to her, wanted to _show_ Kara her involuntary response to being in proximity of her.

Because Lena wants her enough to stick her hand in her own pants to _prove_ how wet she is.

God, fuck.

Kara shivers, rubbing her face into her pillow, nearly groaning since she realizes, stupidly, that Lena used the same fingers she pressed inside herself to trace on the rune. And it makes shame and excitement rush through her like hot blood fresh from a warm neck, so much shame because she _should not_ be thinking about this.

But she can _feel_ the soft pound of Lena's heart right now, and _god_, the _smell_ of Lena is too good and too much and it's right there on Kara's lips. And Lena put it there--she pulled her fingers out and _let _Kara suck them, wet and sloppy, she_ let_ Kara get it all over her mouth and chin.

She let her because it was _for _her. Lena said it herself, so, _fuck_, if it's for Kara then she should be allowed to taste it again, should be allowed to lick her tongue over her lips and take all of Lena in, _wish_ she was licking it straight from the source so, _god_.

Kara squeezes her eyes shut, face still smashed against the pillow as she ruts her hips against the bed, new rune tingling enough she has to rip her fingers from the sheets and press against it just to calm it down. But. It doesn't calm it down, _no_, instead it riles _her_ up, hips snapping against the bed again as her thighs start trembling, heat snaking its way through her like it's intent to burn her inside-out.

It's like when Lena traced her old rune, but better--stronger and more intense and _so lovely_ and she should not be doing this right next to Lena while she's sleeping, but it's like _she can't stop herself. _Every inch of her is dying to touch herself, to touch _it_, to figure it out.

So she slides her fingers over the rune, slow at first, but it hits her _hard_ nonetheless. So in less than fifteen seconds, she's mouthing wetly at the pillow, head absolutely spinning with the way the magic crawls its way from her hips into her inner thighs, the way it laces across them like hot hands gripping on tight, the way it pools low in her belly and makes her chest seize up. She feels more and more desperate the longer she touches it, breaths coming out sharp and ragged, but, _fuck_, it's like nothing she's ever felt before.

And she wants to feel it all, wants to know what's inside her and what it does. She wants to be intimate with every ounce of Lena's magic because _this is it, this is it._ (_this is every wish she's ever wasted on a star, every prayer she's ever yelled at god, every dream she's ever had to wake up from._

_this is what she never thought she'd be lucky enough to experience. no, she sincerely doubted it--right up until the moment lena sat on her lap like a gift-wrapped christmas present and begged _ _kara to untie the bow. when lena demonstrated how much she wants kara and visibly inflated at the chance to latch their lives together. when lena admitted she was so fucking desperate for it, she'd been suffering just as much as kara had. _

_because this isn't_ _ just a joke, just a phase, just a girl that likes the movie-sold idea of vampires. _

_this isn't just a lukewarm college crush, a fun semester of experimenting with new shit, an opportunity to say, 'hell yeah, i've had fangs in my neck, thanks, it was fun'. this is deep and sophisticated and so fucking vulnerable they can't kiss each other without shaking or losing their breath. this is millennia of faerie magic and tradition coursing through kara's fucking vampire veins. this is - this is love._

_this is actual fucking love._)

So, she should maybe stop, but she _won't_, because she likes the way her hips are sliding against the jersey sheets, the way her joggers are chafing against her skin. She likes the burn of the soft, soft fabric against her heat-gripped thighs when she grinds down again and again, fingers still pressing in the rune as her brain short-circuits.

She's not even present anymore, just keeps feeling and feeling and feeling, everything growing inside of her to the point she nearly can't handle it, because she keeps_ thinking_ about Lena's lips and Lena's hands and her tongue and her _blood_ and her everything, her hips steadily moving faster and faster and _fuck_.

The room is_ so_ quiet and mostly dark except for the moonlight, and it makes her feel like she could do anything and not even the faerie gods would see her right now. So she sticks her tongue out _slow_, letting saliva pool around it as she opens her mouth, letting her fangs glide out as she inhales the scent of Lena as deep as she can. And then she licks the taste right off her lips, every honey-tinged millimeter of it, fingers digging oppressively into the rune as she grinds her hips into the sheets _harder harder faster_, chasing the heat as it races through her, as the remnants of Lena floats through her saliva, and--

_This isn't okay, shouldn't feel this good, she's slipped too far_, she thinks, brain fuzzing out as her body squirms, breath snatched right from her lungs as her diaphragm opens up and swallows her whole. There's so much--_so much, too much--_shooting through her body, she can barely handle it, but she _wants_ it. She's shaking so hard, _so much_, so caught up in _this _she can only think about how _good_ she feels.

And then it stops.

The magic or whatever it is, the _feeling_\--it stops and she feels raw and broken and out of breath, like her chest is collapsing in on itself. It stops and she's cold suddenly, freezing and uncomfortable, and it's just her humping the sheets and nibbling her lip and moaning frustratedly, because she can't get that _feeling_ back, the one she was chasing. It stops and the room is silent, the air stiff and still except for the sound of her heart pounding a thousand beats a fucking second. Which makes no sense at all, since it's not even _her _heart, and Lena's just sleeping, and there's no good reason for a heart to beat that fast when it's _just sleeping_.

There's _no good reason _unless Lena's having a _nightmare,_ or, shit, unless--Kara shifts up and cranes her neck so she can look over and--_jesus christ_, unless Lena's currently flushed an alarming shade of red and staring directly at Kara, eyelids fluttering open and shut like she's stunned or mad or _ashamed and regretting she gave a rune to this fucking idiot_. 

"Um, hello," Kara croaks out, feeling her fangs retract, sliding her cramped fingers from beneath her shirt and flicking through every possible way to explain this as anything other than _what it is--hi, lena, this is my new weird sleep position ha ha, just suffocating myself you should try it. _Suddenly it feels like everything's cramping--her wrists and hips and neck where she's twisting it--which should be a cue for her body to calm down, but she still feels like she's teeter-tottering right against the edge, like she wants this bad enough she's willing to beg Lena for it. "How long've you been watching?"

"Long enough," Lena whispers, and then this weird thing happens where Kara gets _more_ turned on hearing it, where she has to blink hard and rub her cheek against the pillow to stop the sound in her throat, where she has to breathe out through her nose and clench her jaw instead of feeling something rational like _embarrassed. _

And then this _even weirder_ thing happens where Lena reaches over and trails her hand underneath Kara's shirt, warm enough over her skin that Kara accidentally humps the bed again, and _fuck_, she just wants to die right now. She has to say _something_ to explain herself.

"The rune was just, it was, um. It was getting all tingly, and I couldn't sleep, _can't_ sleep, so I thought I'd--" _god_, it's weird but her voice is gone, breathy and strained and she doesn't know why, but it's making her spiral, making her want to start working her hips again, even though _Lena's watching_, even though Lena's _touching_, even though she's already made an idiot of herself dry humping the fucking sheets.

She still has to blink a thousand times just to--_fuck_\--just to _think_.

"I just - well, I thought. I thought that, _crap_," she stutters, tripping herself up each time she tries to get _any_ words out, failing miserably because she's weak and so turned on she's not ashamed of finishing while Lena stares at her, as long as the _magic__ starts flowing again_. "It just, it felt _good_ when I touched it, I don't know how to explain it, but I kept touching it, and. _God_, Lena," she groans, turning her face and smashing it in the pillow where her saliva's pooled, remembering the filthy way she licked Lena off her lips just minutes ago.

Remembering that Lena was _wet_ for _her_, and they barely even acknowledged it, but Kara _wants to fucking acknowledge it_.

She wants Lena's fingers in her mouth again, wants Lena sweet and messy and all over her lips as she rocks into the heat of the rune. She wants Lena's fingers... _inside_ of her, god, she'd love to know what it's like to be wrapped around them. But the thought makes her feel like her ribcage is cracking open, like it's too big to keep in her chest, too dangerous to rest near her heart. After all, Lena pushed Kara off her fingers, so--so maybe she was trying to make a different point, one that hurts more and Kara doesn't want to think about.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," she finally goes on, and Lena doesn't say anything.

She _doesn't_ _say anything_. Kara's on her stomach with her knees slightly spread, out of breath and wrecked and splayed, _on display_ and Lena just doesn't fucking say anything, _isn't _fucking saying anything except the bare minimum that doesn't even mean shit.

"I couldn't sleep, and--" Kara bites her lip because she's so worked up, and Lena's just _sitting_ there like it's okay to kill her like this, and it's _not_. It's not because she already kills her every other second of the day. "You don't know what it's like to want you so much, and suddenly have you inside of me. It's a lot and I can't stop thinking about it and thinking about _you_ and thinking about earlier when you were on my lap, and. It's different for me than it is for you," she whispers, words coming out like they're old and worn and frayed around the edges from carrying them around too long.

She waits a second to see if Lena will even speak to that, and when she doesn't, Kara just decides she'll lay it on the line.

"When I look at you it feels like I'm being ripped open, like I'm dying all over again every time. So - so I like _this_, touching the rune and letting it take over and feeling good. And it feels nice knowing it's connected to you, and I'm sorry if that's offensive or something, using your magic like that. I don't know what I'm doing, really, but it's not meant in a bad way. I just really like how it feels, so."

"I can see that," Lena mumbles, and then she swallows and goes back to not _saying anything._

And, _ugh_, this is like chinese water torture, like CIA interrogation techniques. All Kara wants to do is hump the bed and think about Lena's fingers making that squishing sound inside herself, she doesn't want to answer for her _sins_.

She's gotten off exactly one-point-five times in her life including this one, and she just--she just wants to _finish_, mind her business and feel nice for a second and not upset anyone. 

"Alrighty, m'sorry," Kara drags out, lifting her head and wondering why she's still _buzzing_, why she still feels heat sitting in her belly even without the magic wrapped around her thighs, even with Lena being weird and distant. "It sort of got away from me, but I'll, um, I can st--" she cuts off. She wants to say she'll _stop_, but she doesn't really want to. She wants to finish, wants to feel _good_, brain already gone enough she can't pull it back so easy, so she goes for broke and asks, "Do you _want_ me to stop?"

"No," Lena says firmly, shaking her head. And Kara can tell she's sure about it, so it saves her the discomfort of being embarrassed about the way her hips jump when Lena grips her nails in her skin. "I just meant--_goddamnit_, Kara I didn't finger myself just so you could wait until I fell asleep to hump the bed while thinking about me."

"It wasn't _planned_," Kara defends, grunting when Lena digs her nails in harder. "Well it wasn't, honest."

"You could have woken me up."

"And what? What would I say? Should I just be like, _hey_\--"

"Yeah, exactly, just like that, and I wouldn't have had to watch you--_feel_ you--use my magic all wrong," Lena says, like she's mad about it.

"Well, it felt right to me," Kara grumbles, and then Lena's pushing her, _hard_, onto her side and then on her back, and then she's climbing on and straddling Kara's thigh just like when she ingrained the rune in, and--her heart is beating _so_ fast. 

"Better than if I did it?" she asks, sitting up tall as she crosses her arms and juts her chin out like it's a _challenge_, even though Kara can _tell_ when she's nervous. "Is that what you're saying?"

"You know it's not," Kara says, and it's obvious neither one of them knows what to _do_, to the point they're fucking _arguing_ because they apparently both want to have sex with each other. So Kara just stops it in its tracks and tugs at the strings of Lena's joggers. "Come here."

"Why?" Lena asks, and Kara can see the shift in Lena's face, from her wanting to say _no_ to her wanting to cave in.

And this feels familiar for her, oddly, because this is Lena after _every_ time they argue--resistant until Kara apologizes in _just_ the right way. She's sure she can figure something out with Lena willingly straddling her thigh and pouting about it. 

"Because I've been thinking about kissing you for three years now, and thinking about having _sex_ with you for... a good part of that time," she says, but she knows it's not good enough by the way Lena's jaw sets in firm, so she goes on.

"I just - my mind blanks when I kiss you, and my hands shake when I touch you, and when I sucked your fingers earlier I kept thinking I could do that forever, because I love the way you feel and smell and _taste_ and I wanna be doused in it, if I can. I love it so much I lost myself just licking my lips where you rubbed off on them earlier. And I - _god_, I don't wanna _just_ taste you off your fingers, I want it straight from the source, would love to have my face in it--messy and sweet and getting drunk off it," she admits, actively grinding against Lena as the dirty truth spills into the space between them.

She _needs_ them to be having sex fucking yesterday, so she tugs at Lena's pants strings again, and finishes, "So just, come here, will you? Because I don't know what this dumb thing _is_ that we're doing right now, but I'm sure we could be doing something better if we wanted."

Lena doesn't say anything, just shakes her head like she's trying to clear it, then groans wordlessly before uncrossing her arms and staring at Kara like she's thinking a thousand things right now. Kara wishes she could read her mind, maybe, but her thoughts are probably too complicated to comprehend, so she just waits there trying her best not to shift her hips up thinking about how warm Lena feels across her thigh.

"Can I touch you?" Lena finally asks, letting her hand graze gently across Kara's hip, trailing Kara's rune between the low dip of her sweatpants and where her shirt's ridden up. "I know it's weird to ask, but I always want to be sure we're on the same page."

"Yeah, of course," Kara says too eagerly, pressing up into Lena's touch, nearly moaning from the _ghost_ of friction she feels between her legs when she moves. It's like just the faintest hint of being _touched_ touched by Lena has her belly twisting tight against itself, heat ripping through her like a cultivator uprooting weeds. "I want you to, please,_ yeah_. Show me how to do it right."

"Fuck, m'sorry," Lena slurs, eyes glued to Kara's hip where she's pressing her thumb in harder against the rune. "I didn't mean it like you were doing it _wrong_. I just know it can feel a lot better, if you let me?"

"Stop asking, Lee," Kara groans, frustratedly. "I was legit getting off against the bed only thinking about _you_. You could touch every inch of me if you wanted to, with your magic or otherwise."

"Jesus," Lena murmurs, like a string's been cut, hands finally trailing up Kara's shirt, slow and _so_ soft, over her belly, over her ribs, fingers dipping underneath the elastic of Kara's bra so she can press in and cup the undersides of her breasts.

It almost hurts the way Kara's belly plummets, the way heat entangles itself in her gut, lining and lacing and _squeezing_. She could come just like this, could let go just from Lena's warm hands and humping with too much clothes in between them for her to even feel anything.

"You're so responsive," Lena whispers, flushed enough it's trailing down her neck and dipping beneath the collar of her shirt. Kara wants to lick right against where she's most _red_, wants to wrap her mouth around Lena's pulse and sink her fangs in so she can _taste_ her. Fuck, she wants to taste her blood again so much she's panting just imagining it, wants to - to do all these things she never lets herself _think_ about, all the things that keep flooding her brain right now and making everything blur around the edges. "I feel like I'm doing a lot, but m'barely touching you."

"It's just _you_, want you so much 'm always making an idiot of myself, especially with my fangs," Kara rambles, brain fizzing out and letting her mouth be reckless. "I've never had them pop out involuntarily unless I was starving and finally found food, but then I found you and I can barely keep them in. Sometimes it's just smelling you or touching you or being too close, and it's like it sets me off. I can't help myself around you."

"Fuck," Lena says, "_Fuck_," and then she leans down and presses their mouths together, kisses Kara one two three times before she opens her mouth and licks out slick and honey-sickle sweet. Then she bites at Kara's lip before she sucks off the sting of it, sloppy and _wet_, fists gripping in the fabric of Kara's shirt.

It's like she's making up for lost time, moving to match her heart racing, kissing Kara uncoordinated and desperate and grinding against her as she does it. Kara can't even believe it's happening, hands shaking against Lena's thighs as she tries her best to keep up, tries her best to breathe, tries her best to ignore how tight her chest feels having Lena's heart thump inside of it. It's a different sort of heat coursing through her, _natural_, and strong as a tidal wave. Making her belly dip and turn, flip and flop, contort against itself each time Lena flicks her tongue over her lips or kisses her jaw or spreads her legs wider and presses harder against Kara's thigh. 

She can't breathe or think or do anything but spread her own legs and lay herself out for Lena to take.

"If anything is too much, just tell me when to stop," Lena says, broken between kisses, fingers moving from Kara's shirt to the skin beneath it, gripping in hard and denting in against Kara's sides.

It takes a second for Kara to process what's happening, but she feels the magic start to prickle inside her again, thick and magnificent, body lighting up like someone poured on gasoline and lit a match, and then it clicks for her_\--lena wants to show her how to do it_ _right_, and that's just what she's doing. So before she completely loses herself, she fits her hands underneath Lena's shirt, drags them across her damp skin and just _feels_ Lena for a moment, feels her falling apart right on top of Kara--all heat and sweat and blood and heartbeats, alive and shivering with it. Probably wet enough it'd drip down her thighs if Kara pulled her underwear off. And then she decides, "Don't need the magic, just want to feel _you_, Lee."

She doesn't expect the way Lena's thighs snap closed around her, the way she pushes deeper into the kiss like she's frustrated with no outlet, like Kara said anything other than maybe, objectively, the least dirty thing she's let come out of her mouth tonight.

"You mean just my hands?" Lena finally asks. "No magic? You don't need the magic to help?"

"I never needed the magic," Kara says, fluttering her fingers along Lena's sides and getting lost for a second in how it feels to be so turned on and touching _without _ her head exploding from mythical forces. Sure, it still takes a second longer for each thought to form, but she likes it. She likes not losing herself completely, being able to be present and feel Lena. "It's always been about you, only known you were a faerie just _now_."

"No, I just, I mean--even though you know I can do it, you don't--"

"We don't have to," Kara stops her, mind racing as she trails her hands lower, fingers nearly shaking as she dares to grip Lena's ass. "If you're not up for like, actually touching me, you know? The messiness of it is probably--"

"_God_, no, I live for that," Lena drags out, lifting up and shifting so she's pressed against Kara's side instead of straddling her. Kara lets her palm follow the curve of her butt, so Lena's just laying on her arm now, but she's happily still got a handful. "I just - I don't know, your past seems scary, and I didn't know if the magic felt safer for you, if _you_ felt more comfortable that way."

"I'm wet enough, my underwear is stuck to my butt," Kara admits, shyly. "So, think m'ready to be touched now. And not with the magic."

"Fuck, I didn't even know you could do that," Lena says.

And because of course Kara's google'd it she answers, "I don't know it's weird, but think it's mostly plasma."

"Oh, that makes sense," Lena says, thoughtfully, then she kisses Kara again. She trails her lips from her ear, along her cheek, down to the side of her mouth, and then she lifts up and presses her tongue in right where Kara's trying to suck up air just as she nudges the front of her joggers down. "I'm gonna put my hand inside, and I'm telling you not asking this time."

"I'm probably gonna make embarrassing noises," Kara laughs. "Just a warning."

"It'll be hot, not embarrassing. You should let your fangs out, so they don't do it unexpectedly. It's about time I figured how to kiss you around them."

God, something about that makes Kara's head churn. "You're right, always smarter than me," she says, popping them out and testing the sharpness against her own lip, figuring out the pressure before Lena's too close. "Just be careful, don't get carried away."

"I think I can handle myself," Lena says, and then she slips her hand in Kara's pants. It's just a little past the band, nothing lower, but Kara still flexes underneath her like it's something more. "I'll start with just touching, gently, so you're used to it. Then I'll do more, but if you want me to stop, you know?"

"I know," Kara says, and then she closes her eyes and thinks about how beautiful Lena's hands are.

She thinks about her mouth going dry every time she looks at them, about her brain blanking. But this is so much worse, because it's not Lena gesturing when she talks or twisting them together or pulling at her lip or cutting apart a peach. This is Lena's hand actually exploring lower down the front of Kara's underwear, this is everything suddenly catching up to Kara that _this is real_.

Kara makes a small noise as Lena slides her hand lower, full on whimpers once she's got herself fully in Kara's underwear and she's just cupping her. She's so hot and soft, it's almost an unreal experience. Like it's something even better than the magic.

"This okay?" she checks in, and Kara nods her head. Then Lena slides a finger between Kara's folds and her hand freezes. "Oh, fuck," she grits out.

"Okay?"

"Yeah, just didn't expect you to be _this_ wet, jesus christ."

"I'm sorry," Kara mumbles, reflexively pressing her thighs closer together.

But Lena pushes them apart again and says, "No, fuck, I love this, even better than I was expecting."

She's silent for a while after that, just feeling Kara out, sliding her finger in how wet she is and stopping just short of her clit. Then she trails her hand through the hair like she's trying to remember each strand, combing her fingers through it and pulling at it, before she starts touching Kara's thighs. Kara didn't even know it was possible to be touched this way, didn't even know she was _worth_ being touched so gently and thoughtfully and reverently. It feels overwhelming almost, like she doesn't know what to do with this much appreciation, so she humps into Lena's hand, because she'd rather be flat-out fucked than deal with the pressure building behind her eyes.

"You ready?" Lena asks, slipping her fingers between Kara's folds again, and Kara nods. "Tell me if it's too much," she whispers, and then she slides a finger inside, so thick and filling that Kara can feel herself fluttering around it, like she's sucking it into her body. "I mean it, tell me-"

"S'not," Kara moans, letting her hips ride up. "Sorry I didn't warn you m'so--"

"Stop, I love it. Didn't know if I'd need lube or not, or how to ask or if you'd be embarrassed about it. But I'm glad - I'm just glad you're so wet, makes this a lot easier."

She presses another finger in and then works them both in and out, slow tender drags, until she crooks them both and hits hard against some sort of _spot. _Kara throws her head back and lets her mouth fall open, and Lena licks right into it, sprinkling kisses all over her mouth and avoiding the fangs.

"You're gonna come fast, I can tell, you want to feel something amazing before you do?" she asks, hitting that spot again and making Kara dig her heels in the mattress. "It's magic, but--I really think you'll like it."

"Yeah, didn't mean wouldn't like it just like you is all," Kara says, bunched up and incoherently, and _fuck_, Lena's right, she probably is going to come soon. She feels like something's building in her, and objectively she knows what it is, but it's so strong it'd be scary if Lena weren't the one doing it. But it _is_ Lena doing it, so she lets herself tremble and disintegrate and melt into the mattress as she waits for whatever Lena wants to do to her with her magic.

"Sorry just, I feel like the first time was me not controlling my magic, and the second time you've felt it was ingraining a rune. And neither one of those is particularly pleasurable, but I can make it so much better," she says.

Then she leans down and presses her lips to Kara's neck, and that's right where Kara starts to _feel_ it.

She feels it flood through her, heavy and warm, but not painful, not _burning--_and it _is_ different this time. It's not just dredging it's way through her veins, it's dancing on her skin, it's fluttering in places it shouldn't be allowed to touch, looping it's way through her with more clarity and purpose than Kara's ever felt it have. It's _so_ much better than it felt before, it's breaking her in ways she didn't think was possible. It's whimsical and breathtaking--it's like Dvořák's _Symphony No. 9_ being re-written across her body. It's like poetry--pretty and cathartic and flowing effortlessly onto a page. It's like Kara's a blank canvas and Lena's a skilled artist, and. It's just _good_.

"It doesn't have to be bad," Lena whispers, sweat-slick forehead rubbing against Kara's jaw. She reaches her thumb up to circle Kara's clit and Kara's chest starts to stutter. "All the bad is over, it's just good now. I promise."

"Fuck, oh, _fudge_," Kara swears, back arching as she rides Lena's fingers, hips snapping up again.

Lena pulls her lips away, lets the magic dissipate as she sits up and angles her arm differently. She hikes Kara's hips more onto her hand and then she starts to fuck her harder, working her fingers in a rhythm as she lets Kara twist desperately against the base of her palm.

Then she presses her palm to Kara's belly, and Kara comes the second she feels the heat circling her thighs.

And she says _come_, causally, but the truth is that she doesn't know how else to describe what has to be a proper religious experience. She doesn't know how to describe the way she's gripping and spasming around Lena's fingers, the way her belly keeps clenching and unclenching in rapid succession, the heat washing over her that has _nothing_ to do with the magic, the way her throat feels raw from probably a combination of a thousand things. 

She has absolutely no clue how to describe _that fucking feeling_, but she falls asleep maybe a minute later.

So like, it was good.

** Daughters of Alura Symbol + Bonding Rune **

"I'm not sure if it was _sex _sex, but it felt like it," Kara explains, trying to lick the remnants of her morning blood from the cracks of her dry lips. It's like she goes through eight chapsticks a day. "I mean we both, you know, _finished_ in the end, and that's what sex is about, yeah?"

She's absolutely not going to mention she didn't find out Lena finished until this morning, because that part isn't important.

"How aren't you sure?" Alex asks, and Kara taps the phone against her ear trying to figure out how to explain that one. "Literal, you two are the weirdest baby lesbians in the world."

"You don't know the half of it," Kara mumbles, kicking her toe against the living room table and sinking further into the couch. It's only Friday, which means Lena still has her classes, and Kara has to suffer through being home alone after what _happened last night_. It's only been a couple hours with Lena gone, but she already feels like she's dropping into a depression. Which is maybe why she's baring her embarrassing soul, "I guess it's just, she um, she _did_ me, and then did herself too."

"Oh my god," Alex gasps, like she's choking on something. And Kara winces because that sounds so much worse than what it was. But at the same time it_ doesn't. _Kara didn't do anything last night. "I thought I raised you better than a pillow princess."

"No, it's different," Kara groans. "It's not like I don't _want _to touch her, I just didn't get the chance."

"What do you mean didn't get the chance? If she's touching herself, just move her hand and replace it with yours. It's not that hard."

"Yeah, okay, except I was sort of like--" _Dying_, is what she wants to say, but she goes with a safer, "--still trying to get my head back straight since I went first."

Alex sighs, long and dumb in mock disappointment. "Did you at least think to return the favor this morning?"

"No, she has class, didn't want to make her late," Kara says, tipping over on the couch and shoving her face in a pillow. She's an embarrassing excuse of a runemate. "I'll make it up to her tonight, honest, if she's in the mood."

"If she's not, then you get her in it. Shouldn't be too hard, she's either head over heels or this is a long-con to kill you."

Kara huffs and nearly says something dumb like _shut up alex, we bonded_, but she has a funny feeling that would make Alex even more alarmed about Lena Luthor than she is now. "I don't think it's a long-con," she says, simply, muffled against the cotton of the pillow. "And if it is, I don't care, I'd gladly die between her legs."

Alex snorts. "Yeah, right, tell me that when you actually make it there."

"Fine, I'll call back tonight right after," Kara shoots back.

"Jesus Christ. Who the hell is this new spicy demon I'm talking to?"

"I'm a changed woman, Alex, 'm telling you. I've seen some things now," Kara says, chewing the peely skin off her lip and swallowing it. "I'm experienced."

"Shut up," Alex laughs. "You've had two orgasms and one was an accident. And you've called me right after each one."

"Who else am I gonna boast to about my accomplishments? Eliza?"

"Please don't," Alex says, frown _clear_ in her voice. "She's already more worried about you than I am, spends a lot of time researching Lillian and all the LuthorCorp activities. She'd have a heart attack if she knew the extent you were canoodling with the devil's _daughter_."

"Good thing vamps can't _have _heart attacks," Kara says petulantly, mostly wanting to get off the topic of _Lena_, since now she's buzzing with all this information she can't spill the beans on. "Hey, I have a pretty serious question for you?"

"Yeah, shoot."

"Yeah, um," Kara says, sitting up and clearing her throat. She wants to talk to Alex about her rune--the one from Alura--so she can dissipate some of the edge seated comfortably in her chest. She can't keep _that_ a secret on top of everything else. She needs someone to share this with. "While we were touching and stuff, Lena asked about my birthmark, asked if all vamps have one, and they don't, right? So was wondering if you think it has anything to do with Alura and the Daughters having powers?"

Weirdly enough, Alex asks, "Are you just curious or are you really interested in finding out about it?"

"Yeah, m'really interested," Kara says slow, rolling that question around in her head because something about it doesn't sit right. "Can't get my mind off it. Alura never told me much about it when she was alive, but I think I'd like to start knowing more about who I am and my history. Or well, the history of the _Daughters._ Except I dunno who to ask to get the _real_ information."

"Okay," Alex says, and then she sucks in a long, long breath like Kara just unknowingly unlocked Pandora's box. Which is interesting, since she's been letting Kara call it a birthmark and act like it's insignificant since she met her. "I'm getting a drink tonight. You should come out."

"I don't know how that helps," Kara frowns. "Don't pick now to be all mysterious, we were just getting along again. You know something, so spill it."

"It's hard to articulate, because it's just a _feeling_, and I don't want to get your hopes up," Alex explains. "But when Alura asked us if we could get you from the sleep chamber once it was safe after the war, she took us to _this bar_. At first I thought it was just a place she trusted to be secluded enough, no big deal. It's out in the middle of the desert, owned by some guy named J'onn. But I went back there a couple weeks ago to see if it was still there, and... the guy hasn't aged a day in over thirty years. He's definitely not human, and he's not vampire, and he doesn't smell like a wolf or a shifter. So he's some weird, unknown creature, and I think he knew Alura. I think she _trusted_ him."

Kara really wishes Lena would do some squats or something, because, fuck, it's disconcerting how calm her heart beat feels right now. She is definitely not _calm_. "Did Alura say anything else to you and Eliza?"

"No. She was terrified, though, and I've never seen her terrified, so. I don't know. But everything she did was deliberate, so she had to have taken us to that bar for a reason."

"Right," Kara says, licking her tongue out over her lips again. Alura always had her reasons and she never fucking told anyone what they were, so yeah. That sure as shit checks out. "So we get a drink tonight?"

"Yeah, 9:30, meet me there. I'll drop a pin."

Kara can't turn her brain off after the conversation. She lies on her back on the couch staring at the grooves in the ceiling and thinks about Lena and faeries and mysterious bars and Alura being terrified some time before she died. And she suddenly feels so small and so big all at the same time. It's like the world is vast and expansive and filled with all these things she doesn't know about, but--

But at the same time _she_ somehow links them all together.

She wants to know what Alura knew, wants to know _why_ vampires had faerie runes in the first place, why Alura never thought to explain it. She wants to know why no one knows about faeries, why none of this is documented, why everything is always a fucking secret. She wants to know, concretely, why she was made so many fucking years later than the other daughters, why she was forced to feel like an outcast and left out of family meetings, why no one talked to her about anything important and forced her into being the black sheep and locked her in a fucking sleep chamber for twenty-four years that did nothing but scar her permanently with anxiety and nightmares.

She wants to know why it was so important to _make _her, if the sole purpose was to make her feel as useless and shitty as heavenly possible.

Kara feels _mad_ by the time she's done thinking, feels worked up and edgy and like heats flicking down her spine, because she's never been important in her life and part of that goes to Alura-the-fucking-vampire-legend going out of her way to make Kara feel that way. She feels so angry she thinks about breaking things, but that never turns out well for beings like her.

So she throws on her jacket and takes a walk through the forest, instead--the sun blazing in her eyes as she chews her cheek until it's raw and counts the leaves on trees to clear her head. She walks and walks and walks and walks and walks, losing track of time, counting until her brain feels numb, until the air starts to feel chillier than when she started, and as soon as she sees the sun drop past the trees that make the horizon line, she thinks about the bar.

And then she thinks about _Lena_, and grabs her phone from her pocket.

Fuck.

She has sixteen texts from Lena and the last ones are burning like fire in her brain.

_hey_, she texts back, then there's a long minute that passes before she sends, _i have a lot on my mind, but it's not about the rune and it's not about you. i don't regret that, i don't regret you. i love you. i'll explain it all when i get home tonight. it'll probably be late._

She chews her lip a bit, then adds, _last night was amazing and i have so many feelings about it, and m sorry im being dumb right now, but i swear it's nothing to do with you. i love you so much, lee. promise._

Then she turns her phone off and shoves it in her pocket, because as much as she loves Lena, she needs to figure this out.

She shows up to meet J'onn early, because she's too antsy about it. The bar is truly in the middle of nowhere desert--427 miles away from the dorm and so far away from anything else you'd have to be supernatural to get there or really fucking dedicated.

It's exactly the sort of place Alura would be found in, and it makes Kara's stomach twist thinking about it. Part of her knows Alura was measured, calculated, had her ways and her reasons. Part of her feels like if Alura was keeping her in the dark, then there was a reason for it, and she shouldn't go around poking bears.

But the other part of her is curious, the other part of her is furious, the other part of her is wondering what it is that had the most powerful vampire in history terrified enough to create a disposable progeny, and then go on a suicide mission.

So she sits at the bar, alone in the space with the tables and the music, and watches the guy behind it take his time to clean a glass. He has big ears, dark skin and dark eyes and lines on his face that signal he's seen things. And, weirdly, Kara can _sense_ him, buzzing beneath her finger tips, low and humming and present, like the magic inside of her is trying to latch on to the... magic inside of him?

"You're a faerie?" she asks, voice low and scratchy, breaking the silence between them for the first time in the two minutes she's been sitting there.

He just shrugs and sets the glass on the counter, pops the cap on a bottle of blood and lets it relax a little, then pours it. "I'm J'onn," he says, like his name is more important than that fact. "And you're Alura's last daughter. She said you'd come, sooner or later, that you'd want answers."

"She could have given them to me herself," Kara says, taking the glass when he slides it in her direction, twisting it around and letting the silence settle over them. J'onn seems really good with silence. So Kara finally asks, "Why didn't she?"

"She said she didn't want you to have to carry the burden," he says, leaning his arms over the counter and studying Kara like he's trying to commit her facial structure to memory. "Don't ask me what that means, those were her words."

"Is that it, then?" Kara asks.

J'onn shakes his head. "No. She left you something. I can't tell you much about that either, she told me not to look at it."

"And everyone just does what Alura says?" Kara frowns. "Even faeries, huh."

"Some information is too dangerous to be known, and I've lived long enough to see why that is. If Alura says it's for your eyes only, I don't want to open that can of worms for myself. You're more than welcome to, though." He pulls a large, old envelope from beneath the bar, paper of it yellowing and brown around the edges. It's like he sensed her coming. "Everything she left you is in here. All I can say is be careful."

"Everyone keeps telling me to be careful, like Lena or whatever the crap is in that envelope is anymore dangerous than me just walking down the street nowadays."

"I get that," J'onn says, sliding the envelope across the bar counter. "I was a black man in this country before vampires became more hated than us. I just think this is bigger than human politics. But, it seems like you can take care of yourself--got a faerie to bond to you, after all. Lena Luthor?"

"It's none of your business," Kara says, taking the envelope. It's embarrassing how much her hands are shaking just holding it, how nervous she's getting being _this_ close to figuring things out. So she decides it can wait until she's home, can wait until she's not in front of J'onn or Alex or anyone and she can take some time to process. She tucks the envelope in the back of her pants, then fixes her jacket to keep it covered. "I don't need a lecture about the Luthors from you, too."

"Lena's light Fae, no matter what Lillian says," J'onn responds, and actually smiles a little, in the corners of his eyes. "No lectures from me, not about her at least. But your sister's almost here, and that's all I have for you."

"Alright," Kara says, and then she adds, "Thanks," because she feels like an asshole.

She tries to stay seated at the bar, tries to focus her mind on something other than what's in the back of her pants--the way J'onn meticulously cleans the glasses despite not a single customer--but no matter what she does, she still feels dizzy, like the air is too stuffy in the small building.

She decides to wait for Alex outside, tense in the brisk air, partially wanting to go back in, but she doesn't know what to say. So she shoves her hands in her pockets, and tries to channel her earlier anger to convince herself to go through with reading what's in the envelope, convince herself to not just hide it in a drawer once she's home. But that feels like more and more a possibility with each minute that passes, so she tries to clear her mind instead, drowns herself in the darkness as she stares into the black of the night sky and tries to fathom how there's so many stars.

She's thankful when she finally hears, "Hey," from on side of her. She's thankful for Alex's bright eyes and the strong smell of her leather jacket. She's thankful to have something else to focus on. "You ready to head in?"

"I already did," Kara says, and then she thinks really hard about what she wants to say next, and decides, "He didn't know anything. Apparently Alura didn't trust anyone."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we'll pretend i posted this on christmas lmao. happy holidays everyone!
> 
> all typos and/or inconsistencies are my fault, but still blame my beta.
> 
> as always, hope you enjoy x

She's thought about it so many times, over and over and over again: why did Alura pick her? Why did Alura _make_ her?

She used to lie awake at night, thumbing the pendant on Alura's necklace like she was praying the rosary as she sifted through every inch of her human life she could remember, trying and trying and trying to search for a reason she was chosen. _Alura had her reasons_, _she always did_, Eliza used to say, but Kara's always needed a little more convincing.

The truth is: she hates that Alura left her something to find, left her answers to questions and not just mystery and secrets. The truth is: She wouldn't have minded hitting a dead end, never knowing about her past, just living day-to-day the best she can, living for Lena and love and happiness. The truth is: she hates this envelope.

She hates what it stands for, what's in it. She hates it without even reading the contents, like it’s a blatant slap in the face for wanting to know too much. She hates the way it terrifies her, like she has to take it in alone, carry it on her shoulders, hide it away in fear of… god fucking knows what.

She hates the way it makes her feel like a wadded up two-dollar bill that's been through the wash too many times to recognize the Thomas Jefferson. She hates the way she feels right now, mostly, like she can't go home, like she's too antsy and weird and riled up to face the music.

It's a cold night, but she doesn't want to be inside, she wants to spend some time with herself and think, chew on her thoughts and her messed up energy until she feels like something approaching normal again.

So she spends some time walking around the forest on the edge of campus, watching the moon grow big enough it feels like she could reach out and touch it, listening to the sounds of the nightcrawlers slowly disappear as the light drops low enough she starts to get the eerie-dark feeling.

She wants to shove it all away, tell herself to stop being so melodramatic, that she bonded to a faerie and there's probably nothing in the envelope that can possibly be bigger than that. She wants to tell herself to just call Alex up again, apologize and say there was something at the bar and she never meant to lie. She wants to tell herself that the _why, how, or what_ she was made for will never be as important as what she actually does with her life. She wants to shake whatever this feeling is that's taking over her, but she can't.

So, she walks and walks and walks until she feels like her soul is tired. Then she thinks about Lena's heart beat in her chest, the way it feels thick, tight and heavy and anxious, and she remembers something from her sociology class, Franz Kofka in Letters to Felice—_You are both the quiet and the confusion of my heart; imagine my heartbeat when you are in this state_—and she decides she should probably head home.

She finds Lena in the common area, the one on the third floor that she hates, the one she says is always filled with the smell of hot pockets and depression, grad students that haven't showered in weeks, pillows laced with sweat and dried spit.

Kara sees Lena as she's rounding up the stairs through the light of the hallway entrance—they see each other, rather—and _god_, she just knows she fucked up the moment they make eye contact. "Lena," she says, legs shaky as she walks over, close enough they don't have to talk too loud, but far enough Lena can't reach her. "Hey. Sorry, um, you didn't have to wait up for me. I just had a weird day and needed to walk it off."

"And that's it?" Lena asks, folding her arms across her chest, leaning forward on the couch.

Kara chews her lip and… digs her grave, honestly, says, "Yeah, more or less," and watches Lena roll her eyes. But, fuck, what can she say? J'onn said some things are better off not being known, and that's never the good shit, Kara knows that, so she can’t bring it up until she's sure she's not like, the fucking _antichrist_ or something. "That's it, really."

"There's nothing else you want to tell me?"

"There's nothing else important," Kara sighs, almost convinced she's drained enough to get away with lying.

But Lena fucks that notion right away, when she responds, "That's not true," like the proverbial calm before the storm. Then she stands up, shaking like she's one thread away from snapping, and adds, "I'd definitely be interested in knowing why I can sense someone else's magic on you, but I guess that's not important, right?" jaw clenched so tight when she shoulders past Kara, that—_fuck_.

They're fighting, they're definitely fucking fighting.

Kara turns around and starts following her, opens her mouth and says, "That's not true," like a complete dumbass, thoughts racing through her meeting with J'onn, trying to figure out when and if he rubbed off on her. Trying to figure out how to tell Lena about J'onn without talking about Alura. Jesus, she hasn't even _done anything wrong_. "You're the only faerie I know—I can't, I—I don't have anyone else's magic on me."

"Your defense is that I'm delusional?" Lena asks, starting up the stairs, voice lilting like she's laughing. Which is really,_ really_ bad. Kara knows she's fucked up when Lena's mad _and laughing_. "That's enlightening, isn't it."

"That's not what I'm saying, I just meant—"

"God, you know what's fucking funny," Lena starts, then she slaps her hand against the railing and takes two stairs at once. "I'm not having this argument in the stairway."

Kara wants to say she doesn't want to have this argument _at all_, not tonight at least, definitely not after last night.

But she's smart enough to know when to stop digging, so she keeps her mouth shut until the doors' locked behind them, and Lena's facing away from her like Kara doesn't even deserve being looked at.

It occurs to her, only now, that she turned off her phone after sending those text messages, so she's probably going to throw it away just to avoid figuring out what and how much Lena sent afterwards to have her this worked up.

"What's funny?" Kara asks, because there's no going around this, just through it.

She sees Lena clench her fists at her sides, and she wants to hug her, wants to get in bed and cuddle her until she doesn't feel like shit anymore, until Kara, herself, doesn't feel like shit anymore. The last thing she wants to do tonight of all nights is to _fight_ Lena.

"You said you didn't know faeries existed," Lena starts, and Kara can already tell this'll go in circles unless she comes clean, which she _would_ do, in all honesty, _will_ do, probably, but she just wants some_ time_ with it now, just a little bit.

She spent a long time with Alura, barely even remembering who she was as a human, always confused about the _why_ and _what for_ and _what was the point_ of herself, jealous she couldn't fly, like she was always holding everyone back.

There are answers in this envelope for her and maybe it's supposed to make all that make sense, and maybe she comes out of this with a takeaway other than Alura was a masive asshole, and _maybe _she just has too many feelings about her past to _talk_ about it right now.

But this will happen if she wants it or not, because she fucked up and Lena's still _shaking_, her voice soft and cracking and her _back still turned _when she says, "You convinced me to bond to you last night, and then you come home drenched in another faerie's magic, even though I'm _the only one you know_? It's not - it doesn't add up. Was this all a part of Alura's grand scheme to get back at Lillian, or—"

"God, no, Lena, _Jesus_," Kara cuts her off, taking a step closer, half a mind to grab her and shake her until she makes sense again. "_Convinced you_ to bond to me? Lena, this was _your_ idea. You brought it up. I did it for you, because I love you."

"Right. It's all me, isn't it?" She turns around, cheeks splotchy like she's straining too hard or too close to crying. "Alura was so smart, I should have known that her last living progeny wouldn't want to bond to me out of, like—_jesus_ I'm fucking dumb."

"You're not," Kara says, taking another step closer. "This has nothing to do with Alura, not the bond, _our bond_, that's me and you. Don't take that away from us, don't make it bad."

"Do you even know what it is?" Lena asks, and Kara… doesn't, so she won't embarrass herself by responding. "Do you? You agreed to it like was the simplest thing in the world, but can you even fathom what it fucking is?" 

_She doesn't care what it is_; she wants to say that out loud, but she knows it'll come out bad, but it's the _truth_. She doesn't care what it is, because she did it for Lena, she did it for... _god_, she did it for _herself _so she could be close to Lena, and that's the fucking problem, isn't it?

She didn't even care to ask or learn or figure out proper etiquette, didn't even have an extensive talk or discussion about the tradition, just rushed in headfirst when Lena was _telling_ her she couldn't control herself.

Kara should have known better.

"It's supposed to be about balance," Lena tells her, neck flexing because she's _straining_. God, Kara just wants to hold her. "It's about putting partners on equal footing. In a bond you give away half of your magic, and your partner gives you half of theirs in return."

"I don't have magic to give you," Kara says.

And Lena says "I know," before she gets to respond, _but I would if I could I'd give you all of it_. "But I gave you half of mine, anyway, because - I don't know, it wasn't even a question in my mind, I just knew it's what I wanted to do. To have you and _protect_ you. But, if you die my magic dies with you. I don't get that back. I don't recover from that. It doesn't replenish itself or return to balance, it's just fucking gone. I gave you," she pauses, and she looks _so_ sad, tears heavy on her eyelashes like she actually regrets this decision. "I gave you the most important part of myself, and then you disappeared the next day."

"Why would you do that?" Kara asks, positively frozen to her spot, because she, _Christ_, there's nothing she could ever do in this life _or the next_ that would _ever_ deserve Lena doing that. She barely deserves Lena's undivided attention, let alone _the most important part_ of herself.

But she watches a tear fall down Lena's cheek, and, _fuck_.

It's so obvious. It's so fucking obvious, and Kara's such an asshole. All she thinks about is love, all she fantasizes about, all she _wants_, all she talks about, but the second she has to give up a little piece of herself, she cuts Lena off, when Lena - she gave it up willingly.

_Bonding to Kara_ was what true love looks like, not whatever the fuck Kara's doing to Lena's mental space right this second. 

Fuck.

She pulls the envelope out of the back of her pants before she thinks about it too long, and explains, "I met up with a faerie, you're right. But I didn't know he existed until tonight, honest, it's the truth," and Lena's eyes snap down to the brown of the envelope like it's offensive.

"It's magic," she says, and Kara thinks she hates that more than anything else tonight. "It's what I've been sensing."

"Alura left it for me," Kara explains. "I don't know what's in it. I really don't know, but it scares me thinking about what it _could_ be, why she'd hide it, why she'd go through all this trouble to keep it from me, and I don't know what to do, because part of me just doesn't _want_ to know. That's why I was out, okay? I've just been freaking out because, like, for _so long _it's just been this thing that I'd think about or get mad about or hate Alura for, this big mystery about what my life is, and I guess I'm all summed up with a piece of paper in a magical envelope, and it's hard for me. I was just processing _that_, okay? I wasn't – I haven't – everything we have is real, Lee. I swear."

"Cool, good luck with that," Lena shrugs.

"Lena," Kara snaps, because _why are they even fighting_. She'd get fucking staked right now for Lena if it meant she'd stop crying. She's dumb, sure, but she loves her. "I'm nearly two-hundred years old, and—"

"So am I, technically," Lena says, and _okay._

"I didn't know that, but can we bookmark it? Because I just going to say—I'm nearly two-hundred years old, and I don't even know who I am or why I'm here. What if I'm evil? What if Alura left me here for something bad? What if—

"You're literally the least intimidating vampire I've ever met in my life. What are you gonna do, _compassion_ someone to death? You're not evil, you're just dumb. I bet whatever's in that envelope will say as much."

"But, I don't _know_ that," Kara yells, and Lena closes the gap between them to snatch the envelope.

"Oh my god," she says, pulling it out of Kara's hands. "You're fucking catastrophizing when all you have to do is open the damn envelope."

"It's not that easy," Kara says, trying to snatch it back, but Lena turns around before she can. So she just hugs her from behind, instead, locking her arms against her sides. "Give it back."

"Let me go," Lena squirms, "I didn't say you could touch me."

"Give me the envelope back," Kara demands.

"Give me my magic back," Lena says, petulantly, knocking the back of her head against Kara's chin as she squirms. "If I give it back, you're just going to shut me out again."

"I won't, I swear," Kara says, hugging her tighter so she'll stop moving some; she's surprisingly fucking strong. "I'm sorry, okay? And I know it only means anything if it's like, a two year apology, but I need you right now, so can you just stop being angry."

"No, m'a faerie," Lena says, harsh, like it's actually her defense. She squirms particularly hard before she adds, "We can get worked up pretty quickly sometimes, short tempers, it's our _thing_, and it takes us a little bit to calm down. But you'd know that if you asked."

"Okay, m'sorry I didn't know the very specific question to ask to understand a very specific personality trait."

"_Hey_," Lena shouts.

"Hey, right back at you," Kara says. "Every time I mess up a little bit, it's suddenly the end of the world."

"Yeah, says the girl who got a bad phone call and decided we wouldn't work out anymore, because you're all _moody_ about your past."

"You're being a butt," Kara huffs. "Is that a faerie thing, too?"

"Fuck you," Lena huffs back.

"That sounds like two-hundred years of sophistication if I've ever heard it," Kara frowns, taking another headbutt to the chin to hold her down, sighing loud enough afterwards that she _hopes_ Lena _gets it_ and just _gives up_. "I don't want to fight you, I just want to_ hug_ you. I'm sorry I ran off tonight, I am. But you _know_ how much I love you, and how m'all twisted up about my past, so. Just _get me_ for a second."

"I do get you, it's the other way that's the problem."

"God," Kara yells, and then she folds herself around Lena, and--this isn't going to work. _Talking_ to Lena isn't going to work, it's like once she gets upset it's nearly impossible to _talk_ her out of it.

So, Kara does the only thing she thinks _will_ work, a fucking long shot, but she closes her eyes and focuses as hard as she can, really fucking concentrates, scrunches her face and thinks and thinks until she starts to feel _something_. It's subtle at first, right underneath her skin, a buzzy feeling, pleasant and warm and familiar, but then it grows bigger and bigger until it's like a blanket coating over her, flowing through her, moving in and out of her, _god_. It's _her _magic reaching out to _Lena's_ magic, just like what happened with J'onn at the bar, but _so_ much better and lovelier and more breathtaking. Jesus fuck, it's intense.

"Stop that," Lena mumbles, melting against Kara enough that Kara has to tighten her grip. She's lulling into something soft finally, but she's still _trying_ to fight. "You can't use my magic against me, s'not fair," she whispers. "Stop it, you can't just, _god_, stop."

"I don't really know what I'm doing," Kara says, pressing her face against Lena's hair, holding her _close. _She feels so fucking warm pressed against Kara, so heavy and good and... god, she is _warm_. It feels like she's on fire, like she's heating up more and more by the second. "If it's working, though, I hope it never stops."

"I know you feel it, know you're doing it on purpose," Lena pouts, and Kara nuzzles in closer as Lena lets the envelope fall from her hands.

"I _do_ feel it," Kara says, feeling heavy now herself, sinking further into Lena. "I wasn't sure I could do this, but I _felt_ the faerie I met tonight, like my magic was reaching for him, so I thought it might work. Does this mean that m'like _magical_ now?"

"Yeah, think you're an extension of _my_ magic," Lena explains, voice slow and thick as her head falls to the side. Kara has to heft her up when her body sinks lower. "I don't know anything else, since, like, off the top of my head, I don't think I remember ever hearing anything about fae magic seeking out someone non-fae. So, m'not sure how it works, but I feel settled, so I don't think I made the wrong choice. It feels - it feels _good_. It _felt_ good, at least, and then you left," she finishes, sad and broken like Kara was gone for anything longer than half a day. "You were just gone."

"I'm right here, I swear I--"

"No," Lena cuts her off. "I mean you _left_. I couldn't feel you anymore, couldn't sense you. You cut me off and then you wouldn't respond to my texts or calls. All you said is you'll be back late and then you completely disappeared. My magic kept reaching out for you and not finding anything."

"I didn't mean to do that," Kara says, loosening her grip on Lena enough for her to turn around and press her face into Kara's shoulder. She wraps her arms around Kara's waist underneath her jacket, and Kara snuggles her in a hug again and places a kiss to her temple. It's just as hot as the rest of her body, and Kara wonders for a second how she gets the magic to _stop_. "Honest, I didn't want to cut you off, I just needed to focus long enough to get through that. I didn't want to_ talk_ right then, but it wasn't me saying I wanted to cut you off completely."

"The magic protects you, it's what it does. You probably didn't want to be found, and it made it that way. That's why you can't run off when you can't control it yet." Lena finally looks up and she's incredibly flushed, probably to match how warm she is, but thankfully she's not crying anymore. "I know that's partially my fault for just springing it on you, but you couldn't sit at home on the couch for me to go to _two_ classes?"

"Sorry," Kara admits.

"It's fine," Lena says, blinking up at her, really studying her face, clenching her jaw and swallowing and softening more the longer she looks at her. Finally, Kara _sees_ the resignation on her face before she _says_, "Don't do it again, ever, but it's fine. This one time." Then she chews her lip a second, scrunches up her eyebrows, and frowns. "Fuck. You're too pale."

"Oh yeah?" Kara smiles, nudging into Lena. She can't help herself, always feels like a celebration whenever she brings Lena down again, always an actual fucking feat when she gets her calm. "Now's not the time for vampire jokes."

"Shut up," Lena says, and then she actually smiles back, nudging Kara with her fist. "I mean it, when's the last time you ate?"

"Um, like, this morning? But it's fine, used to go days without eating back when I was with Alura."

"Yeah, but when's the _last _time you went a single day without eating at least six times?"

"Fair point, I'll grab a blood," Kara says, turning towards the kitchen, but Lena grabs her wrist and holds her there. "I'm still in trouble?"

"No," she says, and then she's silent a few seconds, before - "I was just thinking."

It takes Kara a beat, but then it hits her, and, _oh_. "It's no need, you don't have to prove anything to me, pretty sure m'sold on you being a faerie."

"Right, um, I feel a little dizzy, can we sit?" Lena asks, and Kara nods before she pulls off and sinks down to the floor, plopping on her butt on the carpet, shrugging her jacket off and looking up at Lena. She realizes her mistake instantly, because instead of sitting across from her, like a _fair_ thing to do, Lena climbs herself in Kara's lap again, straddling her waist like last night. And, _god_, it was this position that got them bonded in the first place. If Lena keeps this up, she'll be pregnant with ten magical babies by next week. "I think that's a little bit the point," she says, wrapping her arms around Kara's neck and scooting in as flush as they can go. "I'm not a human, so your no human rule doesn't fit with me. Think I'm perfect for consumption."

"You wanted to bite my head off two seconds ago," Kara defends. 

"Yeah, but then you did the thing with the magic, and--" she shifts her hips back, then forward, dragging hot across Kara's lap. "--I don't know, but I don't think it'd be a bad idea."

"I guess I just don't understand _why_ you'd wanna do it if it's not necessary," Kara says, putting her hands on Lena's hips and holding her still. "Is it just like a _thing_ for you?"

"That makes it sound like I'm dirty," Lena frowns.

"No, I mean does it, you know? Some people like, get off on it, sorry, don't know how else to say it."

"I'm sure it'd be pretty fucking sexy, but that's not my only or even my _sole _reason."

"Then what _is _your reason?"

"It's just, you know," Lena half-whines, moving her hips again like she's getting off on this conversation alone. It doesn't really help her point, but it _is _cracking Kara, bit by bit. "Is it true faerie blood tastes different? Tastes _better_? You tasted it when we kissed."

"Yeah, it's amazing," Kara admits. "It's like, sweet and warm and like... _home_. It's like baked pies and honey and what I remember human food tasting like. It's like eating for pleasure and not just for _survival_," she says, and Lena's hips snap against her like it's involuntary. Maybe she should stop. "I don't know, it's just amazing."

"I want that, wanna give you that," Lena says, hot and frantic, fingers twisting in Kara's hair. "You're always saying how you went so long without feeding, how you were starving, how you were weak and sad and scared and _fuck_, you deserve to feed whenever you want, and not just the shit in the bottles. I just - I want to be _yours_ to feed off of, I want you to have _me _after not having anything for so long, want you to be so satisfied that you stop being thankful for processed _shit _like you don't deserve better."

"_Lee_," Kara pleads, pressing her face into Lena's neck, so lightheaded she feels like she might faint. She doesn't know what to say to that, what to _do_ with that. She doesn't think she deserves it, but _Lena_ does, and it she feels it so much her breath keeps catching talking about it. "You don't have to do that, you've already given me your magic, which is way more than I deserve."

"_Babe_," Lena - she, _god_, she _moans _it and Kara actually snaps. The alarming part is that Lena snaps too, hot and gushing, her magic flowing through Kara like torrential rain through a gutter. This isn't good, it _is not good_. Kara can feel Lena's pulse throbbing against her lips and she wants it so much she aches. "Please," Lena whines, and then she says so fast and so rushed, "_Iwannabeyoursustenance_," that Kara nearly fucking misses it, head spinning and spinning like a bicycle with no brakes on a San Francisco hill, until it hits her, and jesus.

She pulls back, and then her mouth is knocking against Lena's faster than either one of them expected it. It's clumsy at first, but the second Lena sticks her tongue in Kara's mouth, it settles for the both of them, like their magic lines up and they just _sync_.

Kara lets Lena take control immediately, opening her mouth a little every time Lena kisses her lips, letting her take more when she wants it, letting her kiss Kara as slow or as frantically as she wants, hand cupping Kara's jaw to guide her where she wants her.

She can't control her hands, though, doesn't even want to. She lets them roam up Lena's thighs, cups her ass, trails them under her shirt and supports the weight of her breasts before wrapping them around her back.

She wants to touch all of Lena all at once--to apologize, just to feel her, because she can have her, because Lena's unraveling just from her trailing her hands over her skin and it makes her feel so shitty about passing out last night, that, _fuck_ she'd do anything she wants. She'd do absolutely whatever, and thankfully, Lena's been fifty shades of vocal about just what the fuck that is.

"We have to talk about it first," she decides, dropping her hands to grip Lena's waist, digging her thumbs in the waistband of her joggers. She's _wearing Kara's joggers_. Jesus fuck, Kara's head is whirring. "We need to like, discuss it. Please. It'll make me feel better."

"Okay, I want you I want it."

"I know, baby," Kara says, and then blushes bright red, doesn't know why she said that. She's never said that, she's freaking out. But Lena makes a sharp hissing noise and crumbles forward, so Kara guesses that's okay, too. "I just meant like, what to do when you want me to stop."

"I'll say stop," Lena huffs, and that settles that, then. "Can you also, like, touch me a little bit? Just a little. I know you're like hesitant or, I don't know if you wanna or not, but I don't need much, I'll make it quick."

"Of course I want to touch you, jesus, Lena," Kara says, and like that's all she needed, Lena pulls her shirt over her head with her bra, too, nipples right at Kara's mouth like they're asking what Lena isn't saying. "You want--"

"Please," Lena breathes, poking her chest out more, so Kara kisses right over her heart beat, kisses her sternum, trails her lips across the soft skin of Lena's breast before she flicks her tongue over one of her perfect, puffy nipples, using her teeth on it, sucking until it turns from pink to deep red. She can feel Lena's heart beat right under her mouth, like she's scared, but also _loving it_, like she's coming apart, hips shaking every time she ruts against Kara, hands twisting in Kara's hair until it gets to be too much and Kara has to snap her head back because her fangs are popping out.

"Crap," she says, rubbing them against her bottom lip. "Um, maybe we should, if I feed, then it'll be better."

"Fuck," Lena grits out, "fuck," and then she's sliding her hair off her neck and tilting her head.

Kara gets... nervous. "Um," she hums. God. "Are you sure about this? It's really no problem to grab one from the fridge, like, m'not complaining, it's so much better than my life used to--"

Lena kisses her, then kisses her again, mumbling, "Shut up, shut up, shut up," against her mouth until Kara squeezes her eyes shut. "Shit," she says, and then she's lifting up, turning around in Kara's lap so her back's pressed to Kara's chest, head tilted, legs spread. She grabs Kara's hand and trails it down her belly, then, "I want you to feel it this time, want you to see for yourself so you _know._" She pushes Kara's hand down, trails it tangled with her own, past the waistband of her joggers, inside her underwear, down the trimmed hairs, until Kara's fingers are sliding in something wet and Lena's pulling her own hand out. "You feel that?"

Kara can't even make a sound, eyes glued to Lena, the spots of deep red on her cheeks, hair a sweaty mess across her forehead, the most beautiful thing that Kara's ever seen, _god_. Her eyes fall to her neck. "I'm gonna bite you now, is that okay?"

"Yeah, yes, fuck," Lena sighs, melting against Kara, a mix of relief and frantic desperation.

"Just like, keep still, and make sure you breathe through it, alright?" Kara says. She doesn't wait for an answer, just licks her lips, and then she leans down and licks Lena's neck, and fuck.

She slides her fangs through the skin quick, slipping in like butter, dipping her hand lower and pressing two fingers inside Lena as she does it so she can _maybe_ be distracting. Lena's so goddamn wet around her fingers, messy and puffy, so fucking swollen, that she nearly forgets what she's doing with her mouth and gets lost in playing in it. It's not until Lena angles her neck more that Kara remembers _the point_. 

She slides her fangs back out, then, sucking and licking over the punctures like she's giving Lena the world's most thorough hickey, blood sliding through her mouth slick and sweet and _so_ warm. It's like blueberry pie fresh out the oven, so perfect she sticks her face in it without waiting for it to cool. She pulls off from sucking after a few seconds, slippery-wet and red, and then she licks the patch of skin clean before she starts again, pulling out and circling over Lena's clit as she does it, Lena's teeth biting so hard against her bottom lip, Kara'll probably have to lick the blood from there, too.

God.

This whole thing is fucking intoxicating is what it is, she spends two minutes sucking as much as she'll allow herself, forgetting to move her fingers at all, head both whiting out and staying extremely focused so she doesn't get carried away. Lena keeps moaning, eyes glassy and glazing over, but she's being so _good_, keeps still so Kara can stay in control, keeps _breathing_ just like Kara told her to, absolutely perfect in every way possible. It goes on like that for maybe another minute, but Kara stops the instant she feels Lena's heart rate increase, the same way Alura taught her the first time she let Kara drink from a human--_blood loss causes a decrease in blood pressure, which triggers the baroreceptor reflex_. She doesn't know if she even drank enough to actually trigger that, what little she let filter through the punctures at any point in time, or if Lena's just excited since she's slowly started to squirm against Kara's fingers, but she's not risking it, not with Lena.

"Think m'done," she says, kissing the red, _red_ patch of skin before she pulls her hand from Lena's pants and bites her own wrist, letting the blood prick up before she holds it to Lena's mouth. "Drink so it'll heal, then tell me how you're feeling." She waits for Lena to cup her arm with her hands, for her to pull it to her mouth latch on to it, warm and wet. Then she kisses against her temple and her hair, runs a thumb over her nipple as she says, "We can't do it all the time, you'd feel really weak. I wanna do it, but not if it hurts you in any way, so we'd need to figure out how often you can handle it, then do it less than that."

Lena nods, eyes blinking heavy as she drinks, and Kara waits for the punctures to close on her neck before she pulls away. "So, how are you?" she asks, pulling Lena close.

"I'm okay," Lena says, turning to nuzzle Kara's jaw. "Still horny, though, very."

Kara feels so relaxed, like she's satiated, a bit drunk even, feels like her fangs are so satisfied she could do anything with Lena and they'd just stay in for the night. She sort of wants to take advantage of that. "You wanna do something else?"

"Other than sex?" Lena asks, a little like she's deflating.

But Kara kisses her forehead and lifts her hand to thumb her nipple, tries to kill that as quick as she can. "No, I mean like, other than my fingers. Like my _mouth_," she whispers the last word, this is so hard. "I really wanna do it, even think m'fangs would stay in, since I'm full."

"I've never done that before," Lena whispers, shivering as she presses her thighs together, like she's getting chills just thinking about it.

Kara doesn't know why, but she laughs, hugging herself around Lena even more. "What do you mean? You've like - you dated all those guys and I don't know, you've been all over me, just thought--"

"It wasn't _all those guys_," Lena says, and Kara doesn't have to see her mouth to know she's frowning. "It was _two_ guys, and I only dated them to get - to make you jealous, okay? They're not _you_, I've always only wanted you."

"Is that why you know how to make your magic feel so good? Used to doing it yourself?" Kara asks.

Lena snorts. "Is this dirty talk?"

"M'just curious," Kara says. "I don't ask enough specific questions, apparently."

Lena hums a second, then stretches out against Kara, poking her chest out, and Kara gets the message, gets both hands on her breasts to play with them, squeezing them together and flicking at her nipples. "Yeah, I guess that's how," she finally says. "I was once a horny teenage faerie with a lot of free time."

"Except that was what? Hundred eighty years ago?"

"In this realm, yes, I technically was here two hundred years ago," Lena says, moaning when Kara pinches her nipple a bit roughly. "I grew up mostly in the faerie realm, though. Time moves a little differently there, so m'sorta twenty-two."

"Oh yeah? Twenty-two, exactly?"

"Well, more like twenty-one," Lena says, turning bright red before she whispers, "Twenty, actually."

"What is this, a missile launch?" Kara laughs.

And Lena's eyes spring open as she knocks her head into Kara's chin. "I never should have let you watch Queer as Folk, but also, A plus usage, grandma."

"I'd pat my back, but my hands are occupied."

"Oh my god," Lena groans. "Time to do the same with your mouth so you'll shut up. Is this what faerie blood does to you?"

"Dunno, I _do_ feel more relaxed, though," Kara comments. "It's like being drunk without the bad bits."

"Do you really wanna?" Lena asks suddenly, so quietly it almost gets lost in the air.

Kara nods, "Of course I do," nudging Lena's hips forward before she loses her nerve and sprints to the next room again. "Lie down, I'll show you."

"Okay," Lena mumbles, crawling off her lap, shuffling forward before she flips around and lies on her back.

The surreality of the situation hits Kara when Lena lifts her hips and starts to roll her joggers down, when she's just in her underwear with her thighs clamped, fingernails digging into the tops of them as Kara crawls closer to inspect the little glowy bits on her skin.

"What's happening here?" she asks, touching her hand to a spot of light and watching it spread out to a full glowing... _rune_? Jesus, Lena must have at least a dozen or more of them. "Are they runes?"

"Yeah," Lena breathes, digging her nails in deeper when Kara drags her eyes over her body. "I can make them go away, it just, it _feels_ better when m'not masking myself."

"No, that's fine," Kara says. "Wanna see them," she smiles, and then she watches as all of Lena's runes spread out, on her arms and her torso, down her thighs. "Why do you have so many?"

"It's tradition," Lena explains. "I'm supposed to be like, queen of the dark fae once I'm old enough to take over for Lillian. So all the dark fae elders gave me runes in case I'm ever in danger. I can channel their magic or call for help."

"This one looks like the one you gave me," Kara points, then traces her hand over the red patch on Lena's bicep. "Is it from your mom?"

"Yeah," Lena says, then rushes out, "Could we, please? I'll tell you about them later."

"Queen?" Kara asks, sliding back, positioning herself in front of Lena's knees.

Lena blinks a few times, then shrugs, "It's not a big deal," and Kara gets the feeling that's an off-limits topic, so she drops it.

Instead of pressing it, she leans forward, tugs at the band of Lena's underwear, and asks, "Can I take these off, too?"

Lena nods, flushing as soon as Kara gets them off, throwing her arm over her face the second Kara presses her legs apart. Kara wants to comment on it, but she also doesn't want to press her, so she settles down between Lena's legs, stretched out on her belly, and drops a kiss to her hip bone to let her know it's all okay. "If it's too much, you can always say stop to this, too. Just like the blood."

"I know," Lena says, muffled against her arm. "Last night you said you've wanted to do this. Does that mean you've thought about it?"

"Yeah, I've thought about it a lot, is that okay?"

"Yeah," Lena says, nods, then she spreads her legs wider and shifts her hips up.

It feels like a proper invitation, so Kara wets her lips and shifts lower, shirt snagging up her belly on the carpet as she angles to get a good look between Lena's legs. It feels fitting that Lena's heart rate picks up the second Kara sees how wet she is. It's like she snaps, this time for good, and every inch of her just wants to be pressed in it, covered in it, covered in _Lena_. So, she wets her lips again, takes a deep breath, and just dives in.

It takes her half a second to realize she doesn't know what she's doing, but she breathes and breathes and stays calm, closes her eyes and imagines what would feel nice, then licks her tongue lightly over Lena's clit like she's testing out the waters. She does it again, after it gets a moan out of Lena, and then once more, then she licks lower and presses her tongue inside Lena at the same time Lena grips her hair.

It only takes a few minutes to get the hang of it, for her to figure out what Lena wants. She presses her tongue inside her, far as she can, breathing Lena in through her nose whenever Lena pushes her head down. When Lena pulls her _up_, she licks towards her clit, sucks it and swirls it around in her mouth until Lena pushes her down again. Lena keeps shaking underneath her, squirming and arching her back, moaning whenever Kara follows her hips instead of staying put, so Kara figure she's mostly doing things right.

She wants to take it slow, draw it out, lick Lena up and suck her as long as she can, so she does everything slow and lazy, let's Lena guide her head wherever she wants it for as long as she can, doesn't focus one spot too long, just takes her time and _enjoys_ it. After a particularly intense moment, when Lena's hand finally loosens in Kara's hair and she sinks into the carpet, Kara pulls back for just a second, eyes focusing in and out, to let them both calm down. Then she curls her hands around Lena's thighs, keeps them spread as far as they'll go, and she starts licking broad strips right over her clit, Lena's breath catching with each one like she's struggling to breathe.

_It's so good_, she keeps thinking, better than everything she ever thought it would be. Lena tastes just as sweet here as her blood does in Kara's mouth. It's like every inch of her is the best meal Kara's ever had, like Kara could drown in her and it'd be the best time of her life. She hates that Lena's so worked up, because it's probably not going to last long, but _god_ she could probably fucking do this forever if Lena let her.

She's almost sad when Lena's legs finally start to get jittery, when she moves her hand back to Kara's hair and tugs her roughly towards her clit, chest clenching and unclenching to match the way her hips are stuttering. She already misses being between Lena's legs the second Lena's thighs clamp over her ears, the second her hips leave the floor and stay in the air, riding out her orgasm as she humps Kara's mouth, smearing slick all over her chin, her mouth, her nose, biting into the fold of her arm like she's trying to drown out all sound as if Kara doesn't fucking want every second of it. Kara just stays there, moving with Lena the whole time, giving up on breathing so she can follow her as long as she can, sucking her through the aftershocks until Lena falls open, until she stops moving and stops whining, body red and sweaty and limp and _wrecked_.

Lena just lies there, still and panting, and when Kara finally lifts her head up _she_ is, too.

"Holy freaking wow," Kara breathes out, voice cracking over each word, as destroyed as Lena looks. "Hope that was as good for you as it was for me."

She wipes the mess off her chin on the back of her hand, but it's pretty much useless because she can't keep her mouth away, head falling between Lena's legs again so she can rub her lips over her clit. It takes her couple seconds for her head to clear, but when it does - she freezes.

Something feels off, like, Lena hasn't responded and she's usually pretty vocal. She's also just _still_, heart rate and breathing slow enough she could be sleeping. So, Kara lifts up, arms and hands a bit shaky as she moves Lena's arm away. But she's not asleep when Kara uncovers her face, her _eyes are glowing_. It's a bit surreal, but they're bright-white and Lena's still blinking, slow and lazy like she doesn't know where she is. "You okay?" Kara asks, feeling her ears heat up because maybe she _broke_ her. "Um, m'not sure what's happening."

"I love you," Lena whispers, biting her lip around her spit, stretching out slow and long underneath Kara.

"I love you, too?" Kara says back. "Jesus, can you even hear me?" But all Lena says is _I love you,_ again, opening and closing her mouth, eyes still blinking like she's lost. So, Kara leans over her, gripping her hair and kissing her again and again, mumbling, "It's okay, come back to me," until Lena's eyes start to darken, nuzzling her cheek until they're finally their original color. "Hey," she mumbles, once she's got Lena back. "Lost you for a moment."

"Sorry, never happened before," Lena says, wrapping her legs around Kara's waist, pulling her down on top of her.

Kara smiles into her neck, feeling particularly smug. "Guess m'better than your fingers, then? Your magic, too."

"Of course you are," Lena whispers, running her hands over Kara's back, not even calling her out on being dumb or a little shitter. She hums a long while, eyes closed, just touching Kara, then she says, "Your envelope has a blood seal. I'll walk you through it when I get the energy."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi, im back! Yay! I think this chapter count is mostly final, we'll see. my outline says i can do it in 4 more chapters, so ;pppp
> 
> anywho, all typos, mistakes, continuity errors, etc are all my fault despite having someone try to save me.
> 
> hope you enjoy anyway! <3

Kara actually reads the texts. She figures it's more responsible than throwing her phone away, so while she's waiting for Lena to wake up, she finally pulls it out and reads every single one of them. They're like a sobering slap to the face, a chaotic mix of Lena devolving and apologizing and freaking out and Kara just _ignoring it all_. She feels more and more like shit the longer she scrolls down the screen, the more she reads Lena panic and catastrophize and _keep_ keep pointing out that Kara's never done this before.

God, she's an idiot. There are a million different ways she should have handled this, and she can't figure out why her mind landed on completely shutting down when she _knows_ Lena's in her corner. She proved it, she's _proved_ it, over and over and over again.

She's put it all on the line and laid her soul bare and apologized while doing it, and Kara feels like she just. She let her down.

She could have done better, and she _knows_ that, doesn't want to downplay the fact she fucked up, but still. This time felt different. It's not an excuse, really not meant to be, but she also knows she hasn't had a wave of emotion hit _this hard_ in a really long time. She can at least give herself credit for that. She's always had feelings about Alura, deep beneath the surface, always had a blur of love and heartbreak and resentment sitting at her core, because there's so much shit she doesn't know that Alura could have answered, that Alura could have _shed light_ on. <strike></strike>So, it felt different today just knowing that answers could be around the corner, actually having something handed to her from Alura herself, finally getting to the point where she might be figuring out what about _her_ was so special, made Alura hide her away, made her _make_ Kara in secret.

It just, it hit her like _dynamite_, an unexpected rush of feelings, all the shit she's tried to push down flooding back to her mind like old bodies floating up from a riverbed after a storm. She felt sad and anxious and afraid and angry, and maybe she didn't want Lena or Alex or anyone else to see that side of her, and maybe she's scared _she's_ something bad, but she still knows she should have trusted them.

The little voice inside her head, the one that always has 20/20 hindsight vision is shouting that she _should have trusted both of them_ the moment she was given the envelope. But she didn't.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, turning to kiss against Lena's hair.

"Hmm?" Lena hums, burying herself more into Kara's chest, sliding her thigh over Kara's and tangling their legs. She stills after a second, then she hums again and asks, slow and groggy, "For what?"

"Nothing," Kara says, because they can always talk about it later. "Just get some sleep, alright?"

"It's okay," Lena mumbles. "Give me a couple minutes, we'll open up your envelope."

"We don't have to, not right this second."

"Yeah we do," Lena says, like she's sure, and Kara's honestly relieved. "This means a lot to you, no point in drawing out the suspense anymore. Whatever is in there, whatever happens, I'm here, okay?"

Kara can feel their magic blending together, like they're interlocked puzzle pieces, and it feels so good _knowing_ she doesn't have to second guess trusting every single thing Lena says. "I know you are," Kara tells her. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Lena says, then starts to rub the sleep away against Kara's shirt. She lifts her head after a minute, presses her mouth against Kara's cheek and smiles. When she lifts up to hover above Kara, her lips are dry and pink, but she licks them before she presses them to Kara's, moving her head so their lips drag together, too wet between them. "Am I being too much?" she asks, pulling away, lifting her hand to thumb against Kara's jaw. "I know I'm a lot to handle, especially now that I'm not masking as much or suppressing my magic, but I feel like I want to kiss you all the time and touch you, and I know that's new for you and you've had a lot of scary nights in your past, and. I don't know, when I'm around you I just feel like a mess. But I still want to be respectful. So if you ever want space just tell me, okay?"

"_Lee_," Kara says gently, making Lena gasp against her mouth as she tilts her head. For once, Kara's actually sure about something. "I don't need space from you. I want you right here. Always."

It's a gradual thing, but over the next fifteen minutes of Lena forcing herself awake, them kissing too much, them collecting the envelope and sitting with their backs against the back of the couch, Kara feels all of her anticipation being replaced inch by inch with nerves.

So by the time they're all set up, with nothing standing between _them_ and _doing this_, she feels so jittery she has to hide her hands in her lap.

"I'm the one that should be sorry," Lena admits, fiddling with the envelope in her hands. "Just wanted to get that out there in the open."

"It's okay," Kara shrugs, going for casual while really her mind is buzzing. She can't stop thinking about what happens next, what it'll mean, if there's even a chance it can be anything positive. She's just, trying her best to prepare for the absolute worst, telling herself _i__t's okay, it's okay, whatever's inside of it doesn't matter because you'll still have Lena, it's okay. _"Take your time, it's no rush, you'll figure it out."

"Oh no, not that," Lena says, placing the envelope in front of her crossed legs on the living room floor. Her runes went from glowing to this burnt reddish color at first, but now they've settled into a lovely deep brown, almost like they're henna and not magical fae tattoos. Kara convinced her to put her shirt and underwear back on, but she seemed unnaturally content to just stay naked, which makes Kara wonder if that's a magic thing or a _Lena_ thing. "I know how to open the envelope, I just meant sorry about earlier."

"Oh," Kara says. "You don't have to keep apologizing. You said the short temper thing. Plus, I was a total jerk, so. It's okay."

"Babe," Lena smiles, grabbing Kara's hand and pulling it into her lap, lacing their fingers together. "I'm trying to open up to you about _fae_ things, could you let me for like, two seconds? I promise we're opening the envelope right after."

"_Oh_, of course, didn't mean to sound impatient, I'm just. Distracted."

"No, that's understandable. I just feel like an asshole, and I want us on the right page before we do _this_."

"Hey," Kara says, squeezing Lena's hand tighter, leaning down and nosing against her shoulder. "I heard you, I promise. You gave me half your magic, and I just disappeared the next day. That's huge, so I think _I'm_ the butthole, here."

"No, it's more than that," Lena mumbles, shifting like she's shy about what she has to say. "It's just, other magical beings aren't supposed to be able to put magic on you. Once we bonded, I sort of claimed you for my own. So, when I sensed someone else's magic on you, I thought you were rejecting _mine._ Which is offensive, you know? I felt a little violated."

"It was just the _envelope_, I swear," Kara says, which is the least important part of that. "You _claimed_ me?"

"You didn't want me to?" Lena frowns.

Kara laughs, can't help herself, nudges Lena's shoulder again with her nose. "Of course I wanted you to. Don't think I'd ever want anyone _else's_ magic, just yours, I swear."

"You don't _think_?" Lena gasps.

Kara leans in and kisses her, right against her dumb, shocked lips. "No one else's magic will ever touch this body. I promise."

"Don't be silly, of course it will," Lena says. "It's only natural, but only once I've approved of it."

God. "I don't know the proper etiquette for magic, but what I'm trying to say is that I'll do the thing that makes you the most happy."

"Good, then," Lena says, smiling, satisfied. "So back to the important bit. The blood seal on the envelope just means it can only be opened using the person's blood that did the original spell. If Alura hid it away to give to you, I'm guessing _she_ made it."

"How are we supposed to get her blood, then?" Kara asks, and feels dumb the second the words leave her mouth.

Lena pauses a moment, then says, "I'm not exactly a vampire expert, but when someone _makes_ you, aren't you literally made from their blood? Or am I missing something there?"

"No, you are correct," Kara nods.

Lena snorts. "So that means you can open it, too. I'm pretty sure."

She smiles after that, and Kara feels herself relaxing a little, leaning against Lena. "So how does the blood part work, then? Do I cut my hand and drip it on the envelope?"

"_No._ It's not that dramatic," Lena smiles even bigger, rolling her eyes. "You can just poke the tip of your finger with your fang, and then you have to touch the envelope. Blood magic can be fairly simple, but it's pretty secure for things like this."

"I touch it with a little blood and we're _in_?" Kara asks, unbelieving, there's no way they're _this close_. "That's it?"

"Did you want there to be more? I can shoot sparkles out of my fingers when you do it."

Kara's so nervous, she'd rather play along than get on with it. "Different colored sparkles or just a bunch of white lights?"

"You'd be surprised what I can do," Lena says, rubbing her hands together. "And this is just in _this_ realm, I'm much better in the faerie realm."

"Can do a whole Disney show, then, can you?"

"Could even put on a lace Tinkerbell skirt and do the whole flying bit myself," she says, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "But first we have to do this, don't we? It's what you've been waiting for."

"I guess we do," Kara agrees, rubbing her palms on her pants, letting her fangs flex out. This is it.

It's going to be fucking disappointing.

It's the one thought she allows herself to think as she pricks her finger, because if she's come to trust anything about shit to do with Alura, it's that it always ends up being disappointing. She won't let herself hope for more than that.

"Wait a second," Lena says suddenly, covering Kara's hand. "Is English your first language or like, the one you like the most?"

It's an odd question, but it gets their focus off the envelope again, so Kara entertains it. Truthfully, English is more like her _fourth_ language, but the one she loves the most is the one she got from Alura, the one she only spoke with the other daughters. It made her feel like she was actually a _part_ of their badass family, like she was in on an inside thing. "It's not. I love this other one, but no one really speaks it anymore. Alura taught it to me, though, and I used to speak it all the time when I was with her. I've tried to look it up, but I can't seem to find it or figure out a name for it, might have been something she made up herself."

Lena's face lights up more the more Kara talks, and that actually _feels_ more important than the envelope. "I have this language rune," she says, flipping her hand to show the inside of her wrist. "I learn languages really fast by just listening for a bit. If you speak your language to me, I can talk to you in that, and maybe it'll make you feel more comfortable. It's worth a shot, right?"

"Okay," Kara says.

But she only gets ten words into the language before Lena snaps her hand over Kara's mouth, then removes her hand, then covers it again, then leans in and kisses her hot and fucking wet. She licks right against Kara's lips, sucks until she opens her mouth, dives right into it once she does. It's so intense Kara feels embarrassed they're doing this right in front of _Alura's_ language _and_ her envelope.

"Holy crap," Lena whispers, pulling her mouth away. "That's _fae_. You're speaking fae language. How'd you - you're so incredible, wow."

It's a little weird to hear that, but Kara won't let her curiosity dampen the pure excitement in Lena's eyes.

So she lets herself feel happy_ with_ her, spends a few minutes chatting back and forth in _fae_ language until the envelope feels less daunting and she's even _more_ charmed by Lena.

It's an overall crazy experience, but it's a _good_ one.

The second time she pricks her finger, Lena doesn't stop her. They're settled again, mentally ready, both less anxious and just want it _over_ with.

Kara's so focused on what's _inside_ the envelope, that when she touches her blood down to it and it starts shifting right in front of her eyes she _jumps_, shoulder hitting Lena hard enough, Lena wraps an arm around her.

"It's okay," Lena comforts. "Fae magic loves turning things into other things, it's not that shocking. Let's just see what it turns out, yeah?"

"Okay," Kara nods, and tries to slow her breathing down.

It takes a couple seconds, but eventually it's obvious that it's taking the form of a book--old, big, brown leather with a strap around it and a buckle. It looks heavy and important and it makes Kara's chest clench up _literally_. 

It's weird, but she feels so fucking _unsettled_ the second the transformation is complete, unhinged in a way she can't describe, like the whole mood of the apartment is _off _suddenly.

It grips her like _fear_. The air gets sucked right out of her lungs, gushing hot from her throat like she's continuously being slugged in the stomach. Her magic is stirring too, twisting and twisting, coiled and angry and edgy like a supercharged fight or flight response, like it's ready to jump out of her and attack at any second. She can't figure out _why_, but she knows _she does not like this book_. Her _magic_ doesn't like this book. She can tell Lena's feeling it too, can see the way her hand shakes as she runs it over the cover, fingers tracing the letters delicately like something might jump out of it if she presses too hard. It's like it's an omen, like an eerie, icky thing that shows up in horror movies to signal shit is _bad _bad and they should maybe run the other way to have any hope of surviving.

Kara's just about to suggest that, just about to ask if they can chuck this book out the window along with whatever this fucked up feeling is that came along with it. But Lena speaks first. "Jesus," she whispers, blood rushing out of her face, away from her neck and ears and all the other places she's usually flushed, until she's more pale than Kara's ever seen her before. "This is dark magic."

"What does that mean?" Kara asks, biting back the urge to follow up with a million more questions, shoving her hands between her thighs, biting her lip, trying to swallow down the sour taste in the back of her throat.

"It's a book that's--" Lena starts, then she swallows and takes a deep breath, blinks incredulously at the book before going with, "One of the most powerful things you can do as a faerie is use your magic to enchant things--books, weapons, relics, anything you can think of that can serve a purpose _beyond_ you. The spells are really complicated, and it _literally_ takes you sacrificing part of your magic, but the things you create can be more powerful than you are yourself."

That makes sense, Kara thinks, shivering because it feels like the creepy sensation is crawling over her skin. There's no way this is mental, _this book _is attacking her. "So, this book is enchanted?"

"Yes, but it's enchanted with _dark_ magic," Lena repeats, pulling her hand from the book, shaking _more_ even though she's stopped touching it now. Kara's never seen her quite like _this_ before, not even remotely close to this shaken up since their encounter with the police officer. "Dark fae and light fae don't agree on a lot of things, but we all get our magic from the _source_. Dark magic exists outside of that, like a counter point to the source, a balance."

"What's the difference?" 

"The source is all about free will and _choosing._ It's like a guide, tries to _nudge _us in the right direction, but it doesn't _force_ us to do anything. With dark magic--" Lena cuts off, pressing her eyes against the backs of her thumbs. "I don't know how to describe it properly for you to get the weight of it, but. Enchanting something with dark magic is a line that even the most ruthless, nasty, lawless, murderous, all around _not good_ dark fae would never cross. It costs you everything, your connection to the source, your--what humans would refer to as their _humanity_, you lose _that_.

"So, it's like becoming a vampire, then?" Kara asks, because she lost her soul, her _humanity_, a long time ago if you ask anyone other than a vampire. She doesn't have much left to lose in that case.

Lena looks so _sad_ after she says it, though, makes her want to take it back.

"No, that's not--it's _not_ like that, okay? When you give up your connection to enchant something with dark magic, you lose your autonomy, you become a puppet for spreading bad shit and chaos into the world. Dark magic is all about driving you to do what _it_ wants, stomping out everything it can that's connected to the source."

"But we're not _enchan__ting_ anything, right? We'd just be using this book. Someone already sacrificed for it." Kara has to clench her teeth right after she says it, because she gets a head rush stiffer than she's ever experienced, gets a flood of _something_ pulling her towards the book.

"Babe, it's--dark magic is always the worst solution for the wrong reason. The simple act of _using it_ can be just as bad as enchanting something with it. It'll take any chance it gets to corrupt you, so even a small opening like _this_ can be enough. We should _not_ use this book, Kara."

"_Lena_," Kara begs, out of breath, head floating away, thinking thinking _thinking _that she _wants_ to open the book. What the fuck is happening.

"I'm serious," Lena says, grabbing Kara's hand, cupping it inside both of hers until it's heating up between them, snatching Kara back to reality. It has to be a magic thing she's doing, Kara can feel it spreading, trailing up her forearm, coiling around her bicep. This must be something serious if Lena's_ leading_ with using their magic connection. "You know the lore about wish granting? How western culture views genies or_ Jinn_. That's what it's like using dark magic--you'll get _what_ you want, but it won't be _how_ you want it. I know you have a thousand questions and you're probably really curious about it since Alura left it for you. But I'd really like to show you something before... if you're absolutely going to use it, you _have _to see this first."

"See what?" Kara asks.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do."

"Then I'll take you there," Lena says, letting go of Kara's hand. "It's a lot better if I _show_ you than tell you."

_What does that mean? _Kara wants to asks, but Lena's hand is glowing in front of them before she can properly form the words.

So she stays quiet, transfixed by it, watches as Lena presses her fingertip forward and starts drawing lines furiously across the cover of the book, bright white magic against the brown of the old leather. It looks less like she's drawing on a rune with these strokes and more like scribbled words in a written language Kara can't recognize, focused and precise and serious, lip tucked under her teeth as she swoops each line carefully.

She finally stops about a minute later, pulls her hand back and takes a deep breath, and then they both watch silently as the book reverts back into an envelope, sucking in all the dread it brought with it like it was never there. It's actually quite magnificent to see up close.

Kara grabs on her jacket after they hide the envelope away, slips into her running shoes and waits for Lena to throw on a sweater and leggings.

It's still dark out when Lena takes her outside, still dark when they get to the forest and Lena snakes them down path after path, scary and unfamiliar, deeper and deeper in until Kara decides to just _turn her brain off._ She lets herself stop _thinking_ too much, _worrying_ too much. Lets Lena guide her wherever she wants as she tries her best to only focus on how safe she feels with her fingers laced together with Lena's.

She's just,_ content_, happy holding her hand and trotting along and _not _being alone anymore. She doesn't have to be scared because Lena is _sure_, and Kara knows if shit came up, she'd protect her. They'd protect _each other_, and it feels amazing knowing that. It feels amazing knowing she's _found_ someone and she doesn't have to ever worry about losing her, feels fucking fantastic, feels like a thought she could probably stay caught up in for the rest of her life if she really wanted to.

So she does for a bit, lets herself get lost in that feeling, get lost thinking of all the different ways Lena answers every prayer she's ever sent up to the heavens above... which is probably why she initially_ misses _the _shift_. Her body senses it before her brain fully registers what's going on, hairs standing up on her neck and arms. They've been walking long enough at a lulling pace, that it takes her a second to _notice_ there's something floating in the air around them, something tugging at her magic and it's _not_ coming from Lena.

In fact, it's like it's coming from everything _but_ Lena: the grass, the trees, the wind, the flowers; like there's some mystical force ingrained in every inch of the forest surrounding them. She feels it acutely _everywhere_, like it's coating over her skin, enveloping her and protecting her like she's _meant to be_ here, like this is inherently a space where she's just. At home.

She's so fucking overwhelmed she finds herself letting Lena's hand go, looking around, dropping down in the grass, gripping her fingers in the soil and trying to_ breathe_ through the fact that she can _feel_ so much right now: how many trees are in the forest, how many lakes, how many animals are actually sleeping and which ones are awake. She can still feel Lena's heart beating, but now she can also feel the sheer _size_ of Lena's magic, like it's radiating off of her, like she could destroy this entire forest with the snap of her finger if she wanted to.

"What is this?" Kara whispers, like if she says it too loud, someone might snatch them up and ruin the moment. Visibly, she can _see_ they're in a clearing, surrounded by trees on all sides, but it doesn't _feel_ like any forest she's ever been in. She feels so completely _in tune_ with everything around her, she just, _god_, she wants to _cry_. "What's happening? Can you feel that, too?"

"We crossed into the faerie realm," Lena explains, sitting down next to Kara, huge smile stretching across her face as she watches Kara make a complete turd of herself squeezing in the dirt. "There are certain places in the world where magic is naturally more concentrated, where it's easier to slip between realms. This forest is one of them. It's actually where I first crossed over."

"Has it been this way the whole time?" Kara asks, sucking in breaths in gulps because it's like she _can't breathe_ suddenly. She's always been drawn to this forest, always comes here when she needs to clear her head or just walk or feel _safe_.

She thought it was because she spent so much time in forests with Alura, hiding and living and making them her home, but now. _Now_, she feels like it was because of _this_, now she feels like she must have been drawn here because of the way the world is draping across her skin right now. It's like she's _light_, like she's weightless, like she could float right off the ground if she wanted to.

"I mean, can non-fae sense magic? Is there a chance that's what draws me here?"

"Yeah, of course, sure they can," Lena says brightly. "You've heard of witches, right? Magi, shamans, there's loads of people naturally more in line with the magic. It's all about feeling the earth and what's around you. You don't have to be special, you just have to be connected."

"Even if I'm a vampire?" Kara asks, sinking into the soft grass and realizing if it weren't for Lena's magic, she'd probably never feel _this_, so full and happy, _warm_ in a way she didn't even know was possible. It's like waking up before an early morning class on a winter morning, when the temperature under the blanket is so perfect she just doesn't want to _move_. "It wouldn't _hide_ from me, since--"

"There's nothing inherently bad about vampires," Lena says quickly, tugging at the pocket on Kara's jacket. "I don't care what anyone says or tries to tell you or tries to teach you, but you're a part of this earth and you have been for a really long time, okay? People just don't like what they don't know, or they don't like it if it's not cute or wrapped in a pretty package. They don't like things that drink blood or have fangs or exist faster than their eyes can track. Humans are just... dumb and fragile, and so are faeries sometimes, but you are _good_."

"Vampires are dumb, too," Kara says, magic tugging and tugging inside of her until she finds herself crawling over so she can put her head in Lena's lap, humming when Lena starts gently running her fingers through her hair. "I mean, look at Alura," she goes on, muffled against Lena's shirt. "She killed all those humans, and for what? We're still treated like crap."

"But, she _didn't_," Lena says, and Kara freezes. It's like the forest does too, everything _suspended_ right down to the breeze. So it's just Lena and Kara with no sound and stiff air, because no one's ever said _that_. "Alura didn't do what everyone said she did," Lena clarifies, and. There it is. Finally. Someone's decided they're _not_ keeping Kara in the dark. "I mean, I don't know much, but I know she wasn't killing _humans_."

"Oh," Kara whispers, trying to make that mean anything other than... faeries. There's nothing _else_ Lena could be implying by it, though, and that, _that_ just makes everything so much fucking worse. God. Kara suddenly feels _intrusive_ and heavy, like she's a dark spot in this world and she shouldn't be here, like it's a crime that the forest is so welcoming when she's so obviously capable of so much _bad_. It's like the more she finds out, the more she doesn't trust herself or Alura or anyone that's ever told her anything or kept her in the dark. She just _doesn't know_ anymore, just feels like the only thing she can ever be sure about is Lena. "God, m'so sorry. I didn't know, I swear. I'd never--"

"No, I mean she _should_ have. She was justified. She should have killed _more_ of us, to be honest," Lena whispers.

Kara has no idea what to say to that. It wasn't what she thought Lena was going to say at fucking all. She knows Lena's supportive, but taking out her species feels like a tough one to _ride or die_ through. "Oh? Shouldn't you be mad at vampires? Mad at _me_?"

"No, because _we_ started it," Lena stresses, and Kara flips on her back so she can look up at her face. "I'm not sure why, but a few years after Lillian adopted me, she flooded the human realm with dark fae. There was this settlement Alura had, a safe haven for vampires--"

"Krypton," Kara whispers, and her heart sinks.

She remembers it so vividly. It's where she woke up right after she was made, her _home_, what she considered her new birthplace. It's where Alura taught her how to feed and hunt and use her abilities. It's where Kara felt _safe_, safer than she's ever felt in her entire existence, always surrounded by love and smiling faces, always getting into trouble for playing pranks with other baby vamps, holing herself up in Alura's library and reading every book she could get her hands on. It's the only few years of her life she can look back on and say she was _truly_ happy, and in an instant it was gone, up in flames, destroyed. Everything they built and worked for and strived for just, it _vanished_. Over night.

"That was Lillian?" she asks.

"Yeah," Lena says, soft, face dropping like she actually understands the weight of it, like she _gets_ how much it meant to Kara, how much it hurts. But _that_ shouldn't be shocking, because Lena always understands, _always_, and Kara _has_ to keep thinking that. Lena is not Lillian no matter how much this hurts coming from her. "Lillian was responsible for destroying it, I'm so sorry. But that was just the _beginning_\--she was leading the crusade against vampires, exposed your existence to humans, made it seem like you hadn't been coexisting peacefully since the beginning of fucking time. She had so many of you guys killed that by the time Alura attacked back, there really was no _other_ choice. But, I know Alura didn't kill any _humans_, just a bunch of dark fae. Anything else that happened was either done by or made up by Lillian or Lex, I'm sure of it."

"Why?" Kara asks, not even sure which specific part baffles her the most, just. _Why_. "I don't get it."

"I don't know," Lena says, words thick like she's one soft breeze away from tears. "I just know that almost every modern problem for vampires was caused by Lillian, and I've spent my entire time in the human realm doing what I can to make it right, but. I can't. I can't _fix _it."

"Hey," Kara comforts, sitting up straight so she's at eye level with Lena, wrapping a hand around Lena's thigh to let her know she's _here_, and she always will be. "You don't have to take that on your shoulders. Alura obviously did something to set Lillian off. This whole thing has been _their_ war, it's not _our _fault," she says, and at least that much is crystal clear for her now.

It can't be a coincidence that Alura has _that book_ and that she made a new progeny after _so many_ years and that, suddenly, Lillian just decided to flood the human realm with dark fae, no possible way it's not all _somehow _connected, _god_. Kara just wants to know _who_ she is and _how _she fits into all of this, and where the fuck that book came from. 

"I know," Lena says. "Well, I _mostly_ know, mostly get that, but I just -- I wanted to point out that Alura maybe wasn't as bad as she's made out to be. I mean, look at this," she instructs, dipping her hand under the collar of her shirt and pulling out Kara's necklace. "It's weird, you know, I've seen you wear this necklace everyday, but I never realized what it was until you gave it to me this morning. It's something you give young light fae as a gift." She holds it up and turns it in her fingers, concentrating on it until the necklace starts glowing, specks of light beaming what looks to be a constellation in the air in front of them. "It teaches you how to focus your magic, can put all sorts of cool light designs in them. I dunno, I was just thinking like, maybe it was a light faerie who gave Alura and the daughters and _you_ those runes. And maybe they gave her this necklace and taught her the language. And if a _light_ faerie trusted her that much, then she couldn't have been _that_ bad."

Kara has so many questions about the necklace and light fae, and how often faeries just give non-fae _magical gifts _and _teach them languages_.

But there's something about being in the faerie realm with Lena that makes that all feel less important, makes her think about all those years she cried at night and hated her life and_ wished_ for something better.

_This_ is something better.

This feels good and right and perfect, and right now, in this moment, Alura and Lillian and everything else, it just--it doesn't matter that much anymore. It just fucking doesn't.

The only thing Kara's ever wanted more than _knowing_ about any of that, is to have what she _has_ sitting right in front of her. So, right now, she just wants to be happy, wants _them_ to be happy _together._ She just wants to enjoy being bonded and _in love _and surrounded by so much beautiful magic, and not taint how good it feels to _have someone_ by dwelling too much on her shit fucking past.

"Show me how magic works in the faerie realm," she offers, massaging her thumb along Lena's thigh. "I'd much rather do that than talk about this. I just want to learn as much as I can about _you_, because that's more important to me."

"Really?" Lena asks, smile stretching across her face. She lets the necklace drop against her chest and it stops glowing. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you everything I knew right away when you told me, but I just, I wanted you so much, and I didn't know how you'd take it. Which seems super selfish, but I wasn't joking about my magic. I swear it's like, it's just so strong. I don't know how to describe it."

"It's okay. I feel it too," Kara says. "I've always been drawn to you. I would have said yes to bonding no matter what you said, okay? Because I trust you're good, and I trust you're good for _me_," she finishes, pausing to just..._ look_ at Lena, because she wants her to know she _means_ that, from the most honest and vulnerable place in her heart, she means that with every fiber of her being.

"I really mean that, so. This is me. I'm all yours," Kara blushes, watching Lena's eyes bright up, wide and honest and beautiful, shaking out her bangs because the promise of forever makes her nervous. "Now, if you don't mind, I really would like to see some magic."

"Okay," Lena says, then she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. There isn't really a spark or a light or anything to indicate that she's _doing _something, but a couple seconds later everything starts _glowing_, the entire clearing suddenly littered with different colored bioluminescent plants. It's stunning, breathtaking, so much light around them it almost looks like the best part of a sunset instead of the dead of night.

Kara would be absolutely mesmerized by it, truly, if she weren't too busy gaping at the fact that Lena's somehow also sprouted _wings _in the last few seconds. "How's that?" Lena asks, opening her eyes again. "I could show you more, if you want."

Kara doesn't know what to say, doesn't know if she even_ has_ the words to speak.

Lena's wings are _beautiful--_top and bottom sections, _double-winged_, just like a butterfly's. But they're _so_ much bigger, black and broad and pointy on the ends, gold swirls of magic coursing through them like blood through veins. "Jesus," Kara whispers, eyes hazing out because she doesn't want to_ blink_. "Those are amazing."

"Huh?" Lena asks, head swiveling around to look at them too, eyes widening. "Oh, sorry," she flushes as she turns back to Kara. "It's been so long since I've let them out. They must have slipped through my mask when I used my magic."

"No, it's okay, keep them out," Kara says fast, swallowing hard because she still can't believe what she's seeing. "I mean, _please_. I want you to. I love them."

"Really?" Lena asks, heart beating so fast suddenly, thumping hard inside Kara's chest, wings ruffling. _God_, Kara didn't know she could be _that _much more adorable. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, m'sure," Kara whispers. "They're like,_ royal_, you know? It looks like you should be wearing a crown."

"Crowns are much more of a human show of royalty," Lena laughs.

"Okay, but hear me out," Kara says, smiling because--god, she can't even pick _one _explanation. There are so many reasons she's smiling: the forest, the magic, her girlfriend, her bondmate, the most beautiful faerie in existence, Lena, Lena, Lena_. _"Imagine wearing something made from only the prettiest flowers available. Something soft and _natural_ and made by your most favoritest _vampire_. Maybe?" Kara beams, pressing her hands together in front of her. "If you'd like, that is?"

"I'd love it," Lena says, wings fluttering as she sits up straighter. "That sounds so fun. Have any flowers in mind?"

"Roses, of course," Kara says, barely a second after Lena gets the words out. "Also, peonies and cherry blossom. If you can, maybe some stargazer lilies and begonias. Sweet Pea, too. Oh, oh, also camellia and tulips and anemone and whichever else you think you might like."

"Wow, sounds like you've thought about this a lot," Lena laughs, force of her smile crinkling her eyes in the corners.

"I used to think about it all the time," Kara admits, because thinking about flower crowns and other impossible fantasies was the only way she _survived_. Because she used to make them for Alura back in Krypton, used to recite every detail she knew about every single flower after reading about them in Alura's books.

Because once upon a time she dreamed a dream she was _meant_ to be _happy_.

"I used to dream about having_ fun_ in the forest instead of... I don't know. I guess I've just always wanted to make flower crowns, used to imagine the most elaborate ones I could design, which flowers would look prettiest together, how I'd combine them, maybe _who_ I'd be making them for... or whatever," she trails off, clears her throat, decides she feels too vulnerable so she changes the subject. "Anywho, don't mean to ramble, sorry. Could I get the flowers in mostly reds and pinks? I have a _theme_ here."

"You can have whatever you want," Lena says, waving her hand, flowers appearing all around them. Then she tilts her head, eyes dark and concerned, how they get when she's asking if Kara's_ okay_. Kara nods, breathes, _nods again_, and then Lena nods herself, takes a deep breath, and says, "We can hold them together with magical vines, so you don't need wire or glue or anything."

"Okay," Kara smiles, peeling her jacket off her arms and setting it on the ground, rubbing her hands together, looking around her. "I'll just be a few minutes, then. I already have the perfect plan."

"Sure," Lena blushes, flicking her hand again, giving Kara way more colors than just reds and pinks, way more flowers than she asked for.

It makes the selection process a little tedious, but Lena looks content the whole way through it--smiles each time Kara sniffs a flower or thumbs its petals before moving to examine a new one, bites her lip and smiles when Kara lifts different flowers against her hair to check with her look and skin tone, even uses fancy magic on the flowers the first time Kara rips one, makes them stronger and even prettier. Once Kara's gotten them all selected, Lena lifts them in the air, fitting them together and looping vines through them until it looks even better than Kara imagined.

"Not to toot my own horn," Kara says, grabbing the crown out of the air, "but this is the best one I've ever made."

She crawls even closer and fits it on Lena's head, fixes her hair underneath it, admires it a second. Then she cups Lena's chin and tilts her head up as she _blushes_, cheeks bright pink as she murmurs, "_Thanks, I love it_," greens of her eyes bright and wet and _honest_, honest more than anything else. And that makes Kara feel like Lena's burrowed in her chest somehow, like she's nestled inside her ribcage, holding her heart in her hands, telling it how much she loves it even though it doesn't even beat.

"It looks good with your wings," Kara says, voice cracking because she's dumb and she wants to cry happy tears, even though she'd just stain the ground with blood and ruin the moment. "You're all pink and black now, like the prettiest punk princess."

"Yeah, you think so?" Lena asks, sitting up tall and stretching her wings out to their full length, each side big enough they look like they could engulf Kara. "Would you like to touch them? My wings? If you don't think that's weird."

"Is it rude? To touch them?" Kara asks, because she _really_ wants to touch them, but only if it's okay. She can contain her excitement. She _can_.

"It's only rude if you _ask_ to," Lena points out, "since our wings are our direct connection to the source. Like, if you rip them off we just sort of... die. But it's not rude if I offer. I really want you to feel them."

"I want to feel them too," Kara says, and suddenly Lena's falling forward, crashing into Kara as she wraps her hands around her and scoops her off the ground, wings gusting thick bursts of wind as she flies them higher higher _higher _to a tall, fat tree branch. She plops Kara down first, and then she sits in front of her facing away, wings so close Kara's losing her breath with how beautiful they are. "You just want me to touch them?" she asks. "Just like this? It's not a problem."

"Yeah, I want you to," Lena says, letting her head drop forward, arching her back. "I can't stop thinking about it now, _please_. Just do it."

"Okay," Kara says, airy and breathless, already lifting her hand because Lena said _please_.

She's never really touched anyone's wings before. She's always been afraid of birds and too clumsy to catch or attract butterflies. So she flinches the first time her fingers brush against the soft, feathery texture, pulls her hand back quick because it's like nothing she's ever felt before.

"You don't like them?" Lena asks, voice high and nervous, and Kara lifts her hand so fast she has to grab her own wrist to stop herself from knocking into the wings.

Once she's calm again, moving _slow_, she gently cards her fingers through the feathers, feels Lena ruffle against her palm, feels her suck in a deep breath and hold it, only letting it out once Kara starts to explore even more. It takes her a second to fully get used to it, the feel of it, but she loves it once she does. She loves how it feels sneaking her fingers underneath individual feathers, loves the way Lena _reacts_ to it, heating up so much Kara can feel the temperature difference without even directly touching her body.

"Of course I like them," she finally tells her, once she's found her words again. "I love them so much, they're so pretty. And they feel so soft and delicate, but they're also so strong. It's amazing."

Lena doesn't say anything, just fans her wings out more as Kara gets bold enough to touch in broader strokes, hands trailing out, just _feeling_, thorough and curious and reverent. She takes her time, focuses on the little things: the tickle of it, how it feels brushing across a long feather, the way Lena's magic keeps buzzing against her fingertips.

She wonders why it feels a bit muffled, even though she can _see_ the magic where she's touching, then Lena answers that for her when she says, "You're so gentle, you know? I want to let you touch them _for real._"

"Huh?" Kara asks, but Lena just flutters her wings in response.

That's when Kara _feels_ it--it's like electricity, like a pulse, like there's a separate heartbeat thrumming right here in the feathers. But it's more than that, it's the _magic_, flooding out so swift and so sudden it feels like Kara's digging her hands inside Lena and touching it directly, like she's holding a concentrated source of it in her palms in some wildly fucking intimate way.

She's mesmerized by the whole thing, brain immediately hazing out as she touches everything she can. The edges of Lena's wings, the spaces between the top and bottom sets, the place where they branch out of her back, each individual vein of magic. Kara explores it _all_, touching and touching, getting lost in it, getting consumed by it, finally pausing several minutes later _only_ because she realizes that Lena's making _noises_. Her head is so thick with Lena's magic, with the magic in the air, that she could hardly hear Lena _moaning _until _now_, low and throaty and desperate. Kara's just now catching on to the fact that Lena's shifting her hips as she touches her, that she's leaned forward with her hands planted on the tree branch, grinding back and forth like she's getting off just from _this_.

It's fucking intoxicating. Kara sinks both hands in her feathers like she cant help herself, combs through them tenderly, up and down, side to side, rubbing in circles until Lena snaps, and gasps, "Okay, stop, okay, fuck stop. Think I've had enough." She floats right off the branch without warning, dragging her wings away from Kara's hand, turning in the air quickly so she can place herself down in Kara's lap. She buries her face against Kara's neck as soon as she's settled, forehead hot and _damp_, heart throbbing. It's like she's completely falling apart. "Sorry I get sensitive really fast when m'like that," she apologizes. "Didn't mean to be so abrupt."

"It's okay," Kara whispers, wrapping her arms around Lena's lower back. "That felt amazing, baby. Thanks for letting me touch you that way."

"Don't _thank_ me, I love it," Lena says, soft, almost whiny. "I hope you love it, too. I hope you love it _here_. Do you?"

"Yeah, this is--" Kara starts, then she swallows and finishes, "It's better than Krypton."

"This is what it feels like being connected to the source," Lena tells her. "I'm not trying to force you one way or another with the book, but there's a reason faeries just _don't_ use dark magic. We don't want to give this up."

God, it makes so much sense now. "Why _would_ someone give it up?" Kara asks. "Someone had to make that book, right? Who would do that?"

"Someone desperate," Lena says, solemnly. "Someone who needs something that the source won't give them. Faeries who enchant with or use dark magic usually aren't evil, they're just, they're out of options. It's sad, really. But I hope _you_ don't feel that way."

"I don't," Kara says, and she _means_ it. How could she ever feel that way with Lena pressed against her chest, with two whole worlds at her fingertips, ready to be explored and cherished. "I feel lucky, thankful, just. Happy I have you. M'not desperate at all."

"Good," Lena hums, relaxing her wings, sinking more into Kara. "I'm glad to hear that."

"Hey," Kara whispers, thumbing against the bottom of Lena's wing for a second before dropping her hand again. "If your wings are your direct connection to the source, then how am I connected, why do I feel it so strongly?"

"It's through me," Lena tells her. "You're like, connected by proxy, I think. Actually, I'm not sure how it works," she says thoughtfully, head getting heavier against Kara's chest. "We have a really long time to figure it out, though, right?"

"Yeah. Of course we do," Kara says, because they _do_ have a really long time to figure this out. They have _forever_, and even without the dark magic, she's sure she'll pick up any other answers she wants along the way. 


	9. Chapter 9

"_Lena_," Kara calls from the kitchen, staring at the counter covered in plants, next to the window lined with plants, in their now plant-filled apartment that is _really_ starting to feel like a literal extension of the forest.

Not that Kara _minds_. She loves the forest, loves slipping into the faerie realm and spending a few seconds _every single time_ just appreciating the fact that this whole thing is _real_. She loves how her mind skips over the lines _this can't be happening_ or _holy shit this is amazing_ whenever Lena uses magic or so much as blinks at her in a field filled with flowers, like she's a fucking broken record.

She doesn't think she'll ever _stop_ loving that. She'll never get over how amazing she feels in the faerie realm. In fact, it's become a little like her second home the past few weeks—the place they go when they can't sleep or want to escape, or where they go whenever they can think of _any_ excuse to make the trip out. Actually, they don't really _need_ an excuse. They just go. All the time. Everyday. Which is somewhat of a problem, considering at some point in the past few weeks, the world started ending—for vampires, at least—and Kara barely even noticed it.

She's definitely noticing now, though.

After a few too many seconds pass without a response from Lena, Kara frowns and thumps the leaf of a peperomia before she huffs and turns around. She's just about to call again, but Lena pokes her head around the corner, hair messy and held together with enough pins it can almost be described as _up_. "Hello," Kara greets her. "I've only called you six times now."

"Well, I'm sorry I'm not always at your service," Lena retorts, smiling as soon as she says it, and then Kara smiles, too. God, it's hard to be even a little bit frustrated with her. "What exactly is the emergency?"

Kara rolls her eyes and gestures toward the refrigerator. "I'm out of blood."

"Oh," Lena says, then a second later her face drops like it _hits_ her, and she repeats, "Oh." It's such a sudden shift it almost makes Kara want to pretend she's not even hungry. But she _is_, and that's the problem. Not just for her, but for vampires across the city. "The stores haven't restocked yet?"

"No," Kara sighs, shoulders slumping forward. "It's like, I don't know, a really big deal now. Similar things are starting to happen across the country, and they—no one knows what to do about it. People are just buying out the blood and it's hard to regulate it."

"Can’t they just say you have to be a vampire to get it?"

"Maybe, but there's also a hold-up on production."

"Fuck." Lena sucks in a long breath and sighs it out. "LuthorCorp, right?"

"Lillian," Kara says, and Lena stumbles forward with her head lowered, crashing against Kara's chest as she wraps her arms around her waist. It's been so long since they've talked about it, between the fae thing and Alura's book and them deciding they were just going to _enjoy their lives_ isolated from everything else, tucked in the faerie realm—they sort of lost touch with what their actual reality looks like.

They stopped paying attention, but Lillian still had an agenda, and it's apparent now more than ever:

Two weeks ago, there was an organized attack to buy out all the blood from most big-name suppliers. Two weeks ago, the entire city went on short-supply alert for all blood-related items and substitutes. Two weeks ago, Kara was spending upwards of eighteen hours a day in the faerie realm, forgetting everything she said about not drinking Lena's blood too much and constantly being high off the feeling of it.

She's the last Daughter of Alura, the only vampire in existence, probably, that's filled with fae magic, and she's somehow letting everything go to shit for her species without doing a single fucking thing.

She feels like crap for feeling happy, and if that isn't the story of her life, then what is?

"I mean, it was one thing when Lillian was encouraging the picketing outside of the only places we can eat, but this is—this is _big_. Way bigger than her zoning out Carson's, it's everywhere."

"You can always just drink from me," Lena says, nuzzling her face against Kara's shirt, but that's not the point.

There are too many baby vampires in the world that've never had to hunt before, and too many older vampires that _know_ the second their viability becomes dependent on feeding off living creatures, humans or otherwise, that they're essentially fucked.

"Not every vampire can just _drink from you_," Kara says, as carefully as she can, because as much as Lena gets it, she's not sure how much she _gets_ it. There are a lot of things a starving animal would do for food. There are a lot of things a starving _human_ would do for food. Vampires don't have that luxury, no matter which group they're lumped with.

"I mean, I'm ready to kill Lillian whenever you are, just say the word," Lena says, and Kara lets out a soft laugh.

"Lena."

"Okay."

She nudges Lena back a bit so she can look her in the eyes. "You're very supportive and I love you, but that's not going to happen, okay? I'm being serious, just, trying to brainstorm what we can _actually _do."

"I know," Lena says, blinking up at her. She looks tired, and in a lot of ways they _both_ are, but they need to talk about this. They _should _talk about this. "I know. I'm sorry, I just. I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless."

"I get that," Kara says, then she swallows, because she's trying so hard not to follow it up with a _but_. There's a lot she wants to say or point out, but she doesn't know how to do it without putting the pressure on Lena. Because the last thing she wants is for Lena to feel like this is _all_ on her, but in many ways that's what it comes down to; plus, there's so much _tension _between their species, and. It's just. A hard conversation. She knows she told Lena she didn't have to take this on, knows that Lena already feels hopeless about fixing it, but she also knows Lena's their only chance of ever going up against Lillian.

The last time vampires tried to do it themselves, they… well, they ended up here.

"I _get_ that," she says again, "but also, aren't you like, the faerie queen? That has to mean something."

"I'm not _the_ faerie anything," Lena corrects, and Kara takes a deep breath because she's frustrated by the nuance, but she also understands the need for it.

She's spent the last few weeks trying to comprehend the scope of what Lena has to take on her shoulders, and it's _a lot_, she gets that, and adding this feels like a lot, too, but it also seems like it's necessary. It should be _both_ of their responsibility to try to change what's going on, and Kara's coming to realize that more each day. It felt good pretending they could sit on the sidelines for a while, but it's obvious they can't do that, not with who they are, not with the potential they have to make a difference.

"I'm the future queen of the _dark_ fae, which isn't even the technical word for it, it's more like—" she cuts off and uses a fae word, and it still, after _weeks_, makes Kara's chest feel tight knowing she understands it.

"Okay, you're the dark fae _leader_, then. Is there something you can do?" Kara asks. "I know you've tried on the frontlines, through _human _ways, but you said dark fae are behind this. Could you say something? Convince them to at least push to call off the people picketing. Being the future leader has to give you some sort of power, right?"

"Not exactly, because_ future_ is the keyword there," Lena emphasizes. "I pretty much have no power now, not over Lillian. That's been my whole point since I entered the human realm. I wanted them to see me being openly against Lillian, and it didn't change a single thing."

"Jesus," Kara mumbles. "So, what? They just ignore you and then do a complete one-eighty when it's your turn?"

"It's weird, but yeah," Lena says. "I think they've seen enough shifts in power fall through to be smart enough to stick with Lillian right up until I've survived my official ceremony. It'll be a little while before they start falling in line with me."

"How long of a while?" Kara asks, and before she can stop herself, she says, "we don't really have that much time to wait." But it's true and they don't. "We need you like, I don't know, _yesterday_."

"I'm really sorry," Lena says.

Kara frowns. "I'm sorry, too, but it doesn't change that much, does it?"

"No, it doesn't," Lena says, and she takes a step back, pulling off Kara and folding her arms in front of her. "Trust me, I've cycled through this a million times in my head. There's nothing I can—" she cuts off. "I don't know how we win, okay?"

"Lena," Kara says, and she doesn't know where to go from there. There are so many things she wants to say right now, but she also doesn't want _to say_ them. She doesn't want to say that Lillian is the reason this is even happening, that Lena's _mom_ started this. She doesn't want to say this is all a product of dark fae hostility and hatred and total fucking abuse of power. She doesn't want to say it feels like Lena's the only one that can do _anything_ about this right now, and it's alarming she feels helpless. So, she just says, "We can't eat."

"I know," Lena says, closing her eyes for a long second, biting her lip as she opens them again. "I know, I _know_, and I'm willing to fight whatever fight you want me to, but it's not so simple when it comes to me being in power. I have to wait until I'm stronger than Lillian; it's tradition. And fae don’t reach full power until we reach full maturity, so I have like. A year."

"Is that why she's escalating?" Kara asks. "She knows she doesn't have long before she's out the door? I still don't get why she's targeting everything at vampires. Alura's dead. A lot of us are dead. Everyone hates us. She's won. Why is this so important to her?

"I don’t know, I can't figure it out," Lena says, twisting her mouth to the side like she's thinking about it. "I don't know what started it, just feel like if we knew that we'd know how to get her to back down."

"I feel like if she hates us so much, she should have stopped you from hanging out with me, from _bonding_ to me. Honestly, why don't we just, I don't know. Go up to her and say, _hey mom, I sort of bonded to a vampire, can you stop attacking them now_?"

"I mean, it might work," Lena says, so casually it almost goes over Kara's head.

"Oh?" Kara stutters, not sure if… what? "Really?"

"Yeah, why target all the other vampires, when she could just kill _one_. The one who happens to be holding half my magic. Two birds, one stone, right?"

"Lena," Kara says slowly.

"We can't really undo it so we shouldn’t bother pointing out how dumb it was."

Kara wants to be anything but okay with that—upset, frustrated, _anything_—but she wouldn't give up being bonded to Lena just because it's a little dangerous, so. "Alright," she concedes, holding up her hands in defeat, and Lena smiles, rolling her eyes as she shakes her head. "Well, the next time you want to do some intense fae thing we should probably talk about it first. For at least six months. Maybe plan out all the ways it could get us killed, you know?"

"That would be wise," Lena nods. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, wouldn't rather do dumb, magical things with anyone but you," Kara says, holding out her arms, scooping Lena in as soon as she falls forward. "In all seriousness, though, we should probably talk to Alex."

"About fae things, or—" Lena starts, then groans, then, "Please don't say about fae things."

"She's my sister," Kara points out.

"I know but," Lena says, stopping like she's choosing her words carefully. "Alex has a tendency to, you know, well you said yourself she's a bit reactive, and look how well being outed worked for vampires."

"Yeah but faeries are cute and have wings and eat human food and grow flowers. You'd be adored, you know that?"

"Kara."

"I'm not trying to out you," Kara tries to comfort, tuning in to the magic between them. It's surprising how easy it's been getting used to it once they were in sync, how easily it's slipped into just being another part of her life, like an extra arm she's always had. "I just want to tell Alex. In case I die. And no one's even—" God, there's no way to make this seem comforting, even with their magic. "Look, Lillian doesn't get to kill my entire family, Alura's _entire blood line_ and no vampire knows who she—_what_ she—really is."

"I understand that, I really do, but—"

"Don't you think Alex needs to know what she's up against?" Kara asks, and the air changes between them in a stiff way, Lena's nerves bleeding into their magic, pumping through their shared heartbeat. She's more scared than nervous, and that feels a little _much_ even for talking about Alex.

Kara's so focused on it, she nearly misses when Lena says, "Sun-flash guns use fae magic."

"Excuse me, what?" Kara blurts, before she even fully processes the words.

"Vampires aren't dying after being sun-flashed because LuthorCorp synthesized some way to mimic the sun," Lena explains. "They're dying because those guns are blasting them with a direct hit of fae magic."

She pulls away again, but Kara doesn't let her go, just keeps holding her because she can't catch her breath and she needs to hold _something_ for stability. "What are you saying?" she asks, brain still trying to wrap around that. "Is it just _some_ guns? Is it only fae using them?"

"No," Lena shakes her head. "Lillian has been using LuthorCorp and alliances with police forces and the DoD as a way of flooding troops and law enforcement with fae weapons. She's ready for this to be a war. That's what she wants. To kill all of you. She wants you to fight back. That’s what Alex is up against. That's what _we're_ up against."

"Jesus," Kara mumbles.

"In case it wasn't obvious already, she doesn't give a fuck about vampires or their lives or _who_ loves them. And I can't do anything to stop her. I just. I never wanted to alarm you, but I don't know what we can do about this. I feel like this is just as much my fault as it is hers, and—"

"Hey, it's not," Kara says, pulling Lena back against her chest, twisting so she can press her nose in her hair. "None of this is your fault, not even a little bit, okay? But that doesn't mean we can't be the ones to put an end to it. We'll figure it out. I know we will. You said it yourself, we have the best Luthor on our side, so. We can do this." Kara pauses and waits for Lena to settle a bit, then adds, "We should really talk to Alex, though."

"Fine," Lena gives in, "but after breakfast. We should eat first, you must be starving."

One of these days they'll need to talk about the amount of times that Kara's _needs to eat_, but today is probably not that day.

-

"Why the combat boots?"

Lena rolls her eyes. "They go with my outfit. You'd know that if you had fashion sense."

Kara snorts, watching Lena smooth out her hair in the mirror as she shoves her own behind her ears and dangles her legs over the edge of the bed. "So, it has nothing to do with the fact you're meeting Alex for the first time?"

"No, I don't need _boots_ to take her, you should know that by now."

Kara laughs, she can't help it. "If she attacks, you'll just grow a tree through her window, yeah?"

"What?" Lena snaps, spinning around fast enough that Kara's life actually flashes before her eyes. "Do you _know_ what I can do? Because it's a lot more than grow trees."

"No," Kara says, then admits, "A little bit, actually, to be honest. I can feel it when we're in the forest. Like, you're super cute when you're growing fruits and stuff, but underneath all that you feel a little bit, um. Dangerous."

Lena softens like it's reflex. _Dangerous _was probably a poor choice of words. "I'm not danger—" she starts to say, then goes with, "Well, I'd never hurt you, okay? I want you to know that. I don't want _you_ to think I'm dangerous."

"I didn't mean it that way," Kara says, leaning forward. She's not afraid of Lena, not even in the slightest. The most dangerous part about her is probably how delicious she looks in her mesh-striped leggings. "I just mean I can _feel_ how strong you are and it's like, everything you've shown me isn't even you tapping the surface of your magic."

"Because it's not," Lena explains, and Kara doesn't know how appropriate it is to ask for a demonstration. If Lillian was strong enough to take out Alura, then Kara's not sure if she even _wants_ to see that demonstration, to be honest. "Faeries aren't defenseless creatures, we have our ways of protecting ourselves."

"Okay, I believe you," Kara goes with, because she's _good_, and polite. She's always polite.

But Lena knows her better than that. "You want to see it, don't you?"

"Only a little bit, maybe. Only if you want to."

"Just say_ yes_."

Kara nods. "Yes, let's see it."

"Whatever," Lena huffs, but she's smiling, and Kara always gets what she wants when she makes her laugh. "Fine, okay, I'm not going to show you _too_ much, because I like the way our apartment looks," she says, stepping toward the bed, resting her palm on the ball of the wooden bedpost and spreading her fingers out. "But magic isn't always friendly. When it's concentrated the right way, it can be pretty fucking deadly."

As she says it, her hand starts to glow, and so do parts of the wood, little tendrils of magic splintering out, zigzagging down in an intricate design. Kara reaches over to touch it, but Lena slaps her hand away, and when she moves away from the bedpost, Kara can see _why_.

It's basically disintegrated.

"And that's the same glowing hand you touched _me_ with?" she gasps. One slip and Lena's hand could've gone right through her.

Lena frowns. "_See_, now you've made me scare you."

Kara knows that Lena is 75 percent joking, but she is 100 percent a little bit terrified by her magic. But it's mostly a _terrified_ that makes her love Lena even _more_. "Come here," she says, voice dropping in a way she knows Lena will respond to even if there's a weird sort of tension in the air.

Lena moves over with a smirk, dragging her feet until she's close enough that Kara can grab her hips and pull Lena against the bed between her legs. "Mmm," is what comes out of her mouth when there's nothing but Lena's bodywash filling her brain.

Lena reaches up and tangles her fingers in Kara's hair, tugging gently until she lifts her head. "This is going to get scary."

"I know," Kara says. "We had fun, though, right? Pretending it wouldn't. You know, for a while I thought that things were tense for vampires, sure, but we were moving in the right direction. I guess we weren't. I feel like I should have been in front of this a long time ago. Maybe Alex was right. Maybe Alura _did_ leave me here to be a leader."

"Hey, it's still a lot to ask of someone who didn't sign up for it."

"I bet you get that more than anyone."

"Yeah, I do. It's kind of like we're perfect for each other," Lena smiles, and Kara tugs her shirt until she falls forward for a kiss.

She hopes Alex understands how much she loves Lena.

-

It starts off as bad as Lena imagined it would. Alex opens her door with a smile, and then… she actually _sees_ Lena. "Kara," she groans, and Kara leans against the door frame. "I hope you realize her family's behind everything that's going on."

"We realize that," Kara tells her.

"I'm not letting her in," Alex says, but she only lasts a few seconds before she sighs and nudges the door open wider.

Then she gives Lena tea and Kara blood, and they sit down at her table where Lena opens with, "So, I'm a faerie," and Alex somehow manages to not kill her during the entire explanation.

Kara's proud of everyone involved. She'll have to put that in her journal right next to _so bonding to a faerie may not be the most eventful thing to happen in my lifetime_. "Things are already so tense, and Lillian's still on TV every day defending people's right to protest against us for their safety. Lena and I aren't sure what we can do, but we're not okay with sitting on the sidelines."

"I'm still—" Alex cuts off, then she twists her mouth in a frown and looks at Lena. "Seriously? _Faeries_?"

"I know, that's what I said," Kara agrees, "then her hands started glowing and she showed me her _wings_."

Alex opens her mouth, but Lena clears her throat loud. "Not a chance."

"Whatever," Alex mumbles, then sighs. "You guys can't just have a family reunion? You don't have any stake in the company to control things?"

"Not until next year," Lena says. "It's not a coincidence this is all happening right now. That much I know, but not a ton else."

"_So_," Alex stretches out, "just to be clear—Lillian hates vampires and the thought of you taking over, and you two had the smart idea to get married before Lena's old enough to take her on?"

"We're not married, we're _bonded_," Kara corrects her.

"Sounds even worse than marriage the way Lena describes it."

"Okay." Lena looks at Kara. "I told you this was a bad idea. She doesn't get it."

"You two are idiots, I'm just saying, but something-something magic made you that way. I get that part," Alex says fast. "What I don't get is why you lied to me, Kara. About J'onn. Does that have to do with this, too?"

Kara wants to say _I didn't lie _or _how'd you know?_ but she supposes _it's Alex_, would be the response to both of those. "He's fae, too, yeah. But I don't know. I had a lot going through my head at the time. About Alura and the daughters and my existence. It was a long night. He was so mysterious, too, and he could sense us coming. It just made me like, _edgy_."

Lena pushes her tea away from her on the table, then she gets the little crinkle on her forehead she has whenever she's confused. "J'onn, you said?"

"Yeah," Alex says. "He owns this bar in the desert, and he _is_ mysterious, I'll give you that," she says to Kara. "I went back again to talk to him, and he had blood waiting for me. It's like he knew I was coming even though it was unannounced. Is that like a level 10 faerie thing?"

Kara snorts, but Lena looks spooked and her heartbeat _feels_ it. "I mean, it is if you're a, uh, I don't know how to say it." She looks at Kara and uses a fae word, but Kara doesn't understand it, so she shrugs. Lena bites her lip a second, then says, "I guess you can just call them, um, _tracers_? They can use their magic in ways that other fae can't." She pauses a long second, staring down at the table. Alex tilts her head like a question, Kara shrugs again, then Lena looks up and tells them, "There's only one tracer I know of named J'onn. I saw him meeting with Lillian once when I was a kid. I remember it because Lex acted like him being there was supposed to scare me."

"Oh. That's, um. Interesting," Kara whispers.

"No, it's fucking suspicious," Alex comments, chewing on her cheek like she's considering that, before she asks, "But, that definitely means we should talk to him again, right?"

The terrified part of Kara--the part that notices her magic clinging to her skin like sweat, the part that can sense something's wrong, something's _off_, something's hitting Lena fast and she's shutting down instead of talking about it--wants to say _no_. She wants to forget this even came up and hope to god that whatever J'onn was doing with Lillian has absolutely nothing to do with _this_. But the rational part of her knows there's really no other option, so. "Yeah, if he knows something that can help, we need to talk to him."

"Okay, then," Alex says, standing up from the table. "I guess, in the meantime, I'll contact Eliza and see if she can ask some of the older vamps about Alura. Or maybe see if they've ever heard _anything_ about fae." Lena snaps her head up to look at her, but Alex waves it off. "It's okay, I won't mention you or Lillian or any of _this_, I promise," she assures Lena. "But I'm confident there's some way we can piece this together if we have more information."

"Yeah," Lena agrees, but Kara can still sense something's off, which is only confirmed when she squeezes Lena's thigh and gets hit with how _prickly_ her magic feels. "I'll look into what I can on my end."

"Thanks," Alex says, offering half a smile, then she grabs her phone and steps outside through the back door.

Kara immediately turns to Lena and gives her thigh another squeeze, does the best she can to try and calm Lena a bit with her own magic. "Hey, look at me, talk to me. What's happening right now? What are you thinking about?"

"Something doesn't feel right," Lena frowns, like she's still churning it around in her head. Between the book and Lillian and whatever else J'onn is involved with, it's only right for Lena to have an off vibe about him. But this feels beyond that, like it's a bigger deal than both Kara and Alex are expecting and Lena's the only one that can see that far. Kara doesn't want to think about it that way, though, so she swallows and tries to calm Lena with her magic again. "I can't place my finger on it, but there had to be a reason Lex was acting so weird about J'onn."

"I'm sure we'll figure it out," Kara says. She doesn't know where this road will take them, but she _is _at least confident that Alura wouldn't have protected her all that time just to lead her to someone that isn't safe. It wouldn't make sense. It _should_ be okay. "I'm sure it's okay, and even if it's not--_we'll _always be okay, right? We'll still have each other."

"Of course, we will," Lena says fast, draping her hand over Kara's. "Nothing can change that. I'm just concerned about Lillian, about what's behind everything she's doing, what exactly she wants. I don't want us to underestimate her."

"We won't." Kara leans forward and presses her lips to Lena's shoulder. "We have _you_ on our side, remember? I think she's the one that needs to stop underestimating us. Not the other way around."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi all, back again with another chapter. huge thank you to everyone that's kept up with this for so long!! hugely appreciate it <33 as always, all typos and inconsistencies are mine.
> 
> hope you enjoy!! xx
> 
> I'm on [TUMBLR](https://valkyrieskwad.tumblr.com/) and [TWITTER](https://twitter.com/VaIkyrieSquad). Come hang out with me!

They go straight to the forest after leaving Alex's house. It's not even a conversation; they're both pulled in that direction like it's instinct, both silently agreeing they'd rather be there than anywhere else right now. It's a foggy night and Kara's grateful for it. Everything is obscured around them, so it feels like it's just her and Lena and the world isn't watching—like the world doesn't _exist—_and for just a few minutes as they hold hands and stomp through the mud and damp grass, they don't have to think about vampires or faeries or humans or war.

There's just _them_, and their matching heartbeat, and maybe if they squint their eyes, they can pretend to be happy tonight.

"I'm starting to feel more at home when I'm here," Kara says as they step inside the cover of trees, breathing in the thick scent of the forest and listening to the leaves rustling idly in the chilly wind. "When this is over, I'd love to just stay here. Forever. We don't need anything else, do we?"

"They might need us," Lena points out. She slides her hand up Kara's arm and hugs against it, and Kara's magic fizzles beneath her skin, reaching out the way it does anytime Lena touches her. She's just glad Lena feels a little more settled now. "I mean, even if this ends, there'll still be clean up, right? Stopping Lillian doesn't change how humans and fae and everyone else sees vampires."

It's true, but Kara never signed up to be the vampire anyone looked to for guidance. She knows it's only natural once anyone finds out who she is, but there's still the large part of her that just. Wants to be alone with Lena. "We can pretend, can't we?" she asks, leaning heavily into Lena. "Just for tonight, we can pretend we don't have a responsibility to anything but this forest."

"Really?" Lena smiles. "This morning you were—"

Kara twists them to cut her off, wrapping her arms around Lena's waist and pulling them close. "I _know_, and then we made the connection with J'onn and you seemed scared, and it all feels more real now, and. I don't want to run, but you know."

"It's good to pretend you can?"

"It's the only coping mechanism I have," Kara laughs, not sure why it feels funny when it's really just sad. "All I really _can_ do sometimes is think about what things would be like if the world was better."

"I'll make it better," Lena says, pressing up to push their lips together. Kara feels like she can't breathe. It's only been a few hours since they last kissed, but she gives in to it without a second thought, letting her eyes close and her head spin, because Lena's lips and her love and her heart are the only sure things Kara has in this world. "I'll make it better just for you, I swear."

"No, we should make it better for _them_," Kara says, kissing Lena again just because she can. "We should make it better for all the vamps that don't have the faerie realm, that don't have a space where they feel invited and loved and accepted simply for being who they are."

"Or we could pretend we don't have to," Lena laughs against Kara's mouth.

Kara catches her lip between her teeth, finally comfortable enough around Lena to control her fangs. "Sometimes I just want _you_, like all to myself. Is that so bad? If it is, I can stop. I can share if you—"

"Shut up," Lena nudges her. "We don't have to talk about J'onn tonight. But we do have to talk to him. We have to do _something_, like you said."

"I know," Kara agrees. "Bright and early tomorrow morning."

Lena kisses her cheek and lingers, breathing her in, pausing the conversation long enough for Kara to know she's shifting into something serious, chewing on a thought for way too long. "Do you trust me to keep you safe?" she finally asks.

It's so simple Kara laughs. Truthfully, she's never felt safer than she does with Lena. "Do you trust me to keep _you_ safe, since that's my job?"

"No, I'm serious," Lena says. "I know you were just messing around this morning, but I don't want you to be afraid of me. No matter what happens."

"Hey." Kara moves to kiss Lena on the cheek, then pulls back to look in her eyes. "I love you," she says, rather than anything else. It's the only thing she's actually certain about. "You mean more to me than everything, and nothing could change that."

"I love you, too," Lena says, soft and out of breath. "I love you so much."

"I know," Kara says, and Lena smiles again, locking their fingers together as she drags Kara back along the path.

It's a nice way to start their night.

-

They don't get a chance to confront J'onn. They don't even get a chance to plan for it: as soon as they cross into the faerie realm, they're standing right in front of him. It's nothing short of a full-blown miracle that Kara doesn't pass out just from the shock of it.

Lena's wings expand faster than Kara can think, though, and it's something in the wave of _protective magic_ that starts to spread across her skin. She can feel it warming all over her, _shielding_ her, and she wonders if _this_ is what Lena meant by trusting her to protect Kara. J'onn is as expressionless as he was in the bar, but now that they're in the faerie realm, Kara can sense he's nervous. She can also sense his magic compared to Lena's, and she's having a hard time fathoming why there's such a huge difference.

J'onn clears his throat to break the silence.

Right. They should probably do more than stare at each other. "Funny seeing you here," Kara says so weakly, voice cracking so awkwardly, that Lena actually grabs her hand. It's only a little bit embarrassing. "Um, this spot is already occupied, plenty of forest for you elsewhere."

"She reached out to me," J'onn says flatly. "You wanted to talk so I'm here."

Lena doesn't look amused. "There are more appropriate ways to respond. You didn't have to track me here."

"It wasn't that hard to find you," J'onn responds. "You're not exactly hiding that you're bringing a vampire into the realm. Which isn't smart, by the way. I know a lot of fae that wouldn't take to that kindly."

"I shouldn't have to hide it, and I didn't ask for your opinion," Lena says. They're both very good points, but there's an _oh_ forming in Kara's brain, laced to thousand different things—_oh, i'm not meant to be here; oh, i'm not welcome; oh, lena has to hide me_—as something sinks inside her because she didn't realize that being here is such a big deal. She loves the faerie realm, even more than she loves their apartment—as much as _Krypton_—but it feels a little different if she isn't welcome. "She's fine if she's with me. She's my responsibility. I'm taking care of her. It shouldn't be the concern of anyone else, including you."

"Sure, but some fae haven't forgotten the last time vampires were in the realm," J'onn says, not giving Kara a chance to appreciate the fact that Lena's _taking care of her_. She'll have to ask later what _exactly_ the whole claiming thing means.

For right now, she's not attached enough to the realm to figure out just how much they don't appreciate her presence. "Is it a problem," she speaks up, "because it's fine with me if we don't stay here for the night. We can go home, or I can, at least."

"Hey. Stop that, okay?" Lena's voice is a lot gentler when she turns to Kara, which probably means that whatever Kara's feeling is bleeding through the magic. Which also means—she's quite certain—that J'onn can sense it, too. Also embarrassing. "No one can even tell you're here. I've been masking you with my magic. It's only obvious if a faerie knows exactly what they're looking for, or if they're just _him_. Then it's—" she pauses, nibbling the inside of her cheek like she's choosing her words carefully. "It's just a little easy to sense anything that's not naturally from the realm, but that's why I've been covering you. So you're safe. You belong here, I promise."

"Any fae with half-a-mind would know you're hiding something," J'onn points out. "You could be making both of you easy targets."

Lena frowns. Kara can sense she's annoyed. "I'd never be an easy target, figured you'd at least know that."

"Right," J'onn sighs. It's just one word, but there's so much weight to it, so much weight to _everything_ he says and does. It makes interacting with him cast a gray filter over all of Kara's _okay-but-maybe-if_ thoughts. It's like he solidifies everything scary she's ever thought about her existence, makes all of the hard truths feel obvious somehow. She wasn't just _made on a whim_. She wasn't Alura's midlife crisis. Her being protected from the war wasn't just a half-assed apology for a shit life. He makes this whole thing feel grave and important in ways that are hitting Kara hard enough she can't breathe properly. "You're strong, I know that, but you don't want to underestimate Lillian."

"I never have," Lena says, voice dropping low enough that Kara squeezes her hand reflexively. She's not sure what she's implying by it, but it's good to remind Lena she's _here_. "I don't know what you did for her, but you fucked up. Didn't you? That's why you're here."

J'onn's quiet for a while, drawing in a slow breath, then he waves his hand so there's more light around them and asks, "Did you use what was in the envelope? Alura said to make sure you did. It's important."

"Did you know what was in there?" Lena asks, and J'onn shakes his head. Kara squeezes Lena's hand again because she's not sure that he was _supposed_ to know. The book felt serious enough to not just throw it around to anyone. "Then why did she ask you to hold on to it?"

"Because I owed it to her. It's the least I could do." J'onn's expression cracks for the first time, something bleeding through that isn't a blank fucking canvas, and it's sort of comforting in a way. Kara doesn't know him that well, but she reads it as sad, maybe even apologetic. "I owed it to _you_, Kara. I owed it to you too," he says to Lena. "Because you're right. I took a job from Lillian that I shouldn't have."

"Who was she looking for?" Lena asks, voice cracking. "Who did she want you to find?"

J'onn opens his mouth, and then he hesitates, and then he says, very carefully, "She wanted me to find whoever your magic was latching on to." It feels like the entire forest freezes, and Kara can't tell if it's Lena or J'onn, or maybe she's doing it herself, but there's enough tension between the three of them she can nearly see it floating in the air. "She said she could tell you were predetermined, and she just wanted to _know_, but she wanted to do so much more than that. I didn't think it through, obviously, but it never crossed my mind that she'd want to hurt them."

"She wouldn't do that," Lena says, like she's breaking. "She's a terrible mother, but she wouldn't do _that_."

"She would. She_ tried_. She tried to kill them, and when it failed, she tried again some years later. And when that failed—" he pauses. "I think we all sort of underestimated just how far she was willing to go."

Kara knows they're talking about her. The second J'onn hesitated, she _knew_, if she's honest. But she doesn't get to ask him, doesn't get to speak up or join in or _clarify_, because Lena grits out, "_No_," as soon as he's done talking, digs her nails into Kara's palm hard enough to sting, then suddenly and in a blink, they're back in their apartment.

It's so swift it knocks Kara flat on her ass, fingers gripping into the carpet because she's not sure if she's fucking hallucinating. Lena goes right with her, though, scrambling into Kara's lap to snatch her in a hug. Kara has no idea what's going on, but she knows it's fucking _serious_, can feel Lena's magic stretching over her in waves, flooding her so fast it's drowning everything else out. It's hot and messy and uncoordinated, and it's way too fucking much at once, but it feels desperate and necessary in some way and Lena's _shaking _against her—and then it _clicks._ In some deep trench inside her brain, or maybe the place where her soul used to be, Kara pieces together the fragments that should've been obvious all along. She almost laughs once she realizes—not because it's funny, _god_, the last thing it is is _funny_, but because it fits for her, fucking fits like a glass-laced glove—and then she hugs Lena tight, knuckling down her spine until her magic stops doing its best to suffocate Kara.

It's still a few minutes before they both calm down enough actually talk.

Lena's entire face is red when she pulls back to look at Kara, twisting her fingers in Kara's shirt as she starts with, "I'm sorry."

Kara smiles and lifts a hand to push Lena's hair behind her ear. Her green eyes are still bleary and wet, but she automatically turns and presses her face into Kara's palm. "There's nothing you need to apologize for, even though the teleporting might've knocked the wind out me."

Lena slumps forward and presses their foreheads together, shifting more comfortably in Kara's lap. "I'm sorry about that, too."

"We're fine," Kara says. She wants to smile more or laugh to prove her point, but her heart aches looking at Lena, and they haven't even discussed it yet. But they're fine; they'll always be fine. She's sure of that.

"Did you even understand what he was talking about?" Lena asks. Her voice is pleasantly scratchy, but too sad to admire. "I feel like it's all my fault. I mean, I know m'not the center of everything, but if I hadn't. I don't know, I'm just sorry."

This time Kara almost does laugh. She thinks she understood J'onn well enough, or she at least comprehended all of the words he said. She's sure she missed the implication of the whole thing, or maybe some of the nuance, but even _still_, she's positive that J'onn wasn't saying _that_. She's also fairly positive about the other thing hovering at the edge of her mind, but she doesn't want to think it, even for a _little bit_, if she's not sure it's one-hundred percent true. She wants Lena to say it first. "I don't think it's _your _fault," she starts with. "From my understanding, it's Lillian that keeps trying to kill me. Since your magic latched on to me?" Which makes no sense at all. There's no logical reasoning for Lena's magic to do that all those years ago, unless they actually _weren't _talking about Kara, or—_god_. But, it was Lena that said that fae magic only _seeks out other fae_. Fuck it, she _has_ to know. "Because I'm fae?"

Lena pulls up fast and looks at Kara like she's lost for words, heart thumping hard inside both of their chests. It feels like the moment stretches on forever, but when Lena finally opens her mouth, it's not to talk, but to _kiss_ Kara. 

This at least feels fucking familiar. Lena always does _this_ when Kara does something she's fond of, whenever Kara gets something right or understands something important or demonstrates the absolute most basic, completely-surface-level understanding of complicated fae things. She nearly tackled Kara over the first time Kara grew leaves on a tree in the faerie realm, and then again when she managed to _grow her own flower_. Kara still hasn't gotten the hang of it, and can't grow more than one at a time or guarantee it won't wither away. But she's always more than encouraged to keep trying when Lena's by her side. That's how she knows they'll get through this. Not just Lillian and the war, but even simpler than that: she knows they'll get through this conversation and figuring everything out.

They've been patient with each other ever since their big fight, and this isn't the moment that all changes.

"I've suspected it," Lena says when she pulls away from the kiss. She slides off Kara's lap to sit across from her, folds her legs and rests her hands in her lap. "But I can't remember ever not feeling connected to _my_ magic, even in the human realm. And you've been completely shocked by it this whole time. I just keep thinking it should feel at least a little bit familiar for you."

"I don't think I've ever felt magical before," Kara admits. "But I don't remember a lot of my human life. I just know I grew up in a village and people said I looked like my mom, and I just. I don't know. I remember being left out of a lot of things."

"Is it normal for vampires to not remember the time before they were turned?"

"_No_," Kara emphasizes. "Alex remembers everything right up to dying, and then everything after waking up again. She didn't lose a second. I just have flashes and _feelings_ and all these things I think are true, but I can't really remember."

"Hmph," Lena hums, biting her lip, studying Kara for a long second. "And you said you never could fly like the rest of the daughters?"

Kara's heart sinks. Maybe she isn't fae. She shouldn't have thought it, _knows_ she shouldn't have let it slip. "Yeah, I've just. Never been special. I'm probably not fae, then, right? That's what it sounds like?"

"No, the opposite. I think you _are_," Lena says, fumbling forward with so much conviction she nearly knocks Kara flat on her back. And just like that, she's in Kara's lap again, same as she always is: arms thrown around her neck, face pressed against her hair. Kara practically melts. Her world might be getting flipped on its head, but there's only one _faerie_ that can make that feel okay. Make her still feel safe and loved and most importantly, _at ease_. "It mostly sounds like someone put a lot of effort into making you _believe_ you weren't, like making sure you were never connected to any magic, _fuck_. That makes a lot more sense, then, doesn't it?"

"It does?"

"Well, yeah," Lena says, lifting her head as a smile spreads across her face. Kara smiles too. She can't help it. Her chest feels tight, and her head's spinning and she is so fucking overwhelmed, but for once it's a _good _thing. She has a thousand questions, of course—ones that Lena probably can't answer—but if she's fae, _god_, it just makes her feel in her _heart _that she at least wasn't someone bad. "Keeping you in the dark was probably the _only_ way to protect you. It's a hell of a lot harder for Lillian to use me to track you if you're not connected to your magic. That's probably why Lillian hates vampires; hated _Alura_. For taking you. For shielding you. For letting us get _this_ far when she was so hellbent on stopping it."

"Because we're predetermined?" Kara asks. She thinks that was the word. "What does that mean?"

"It means you're what makes me stronger than Lillian," Lena explains. Kara can feel Lena's heart clench tight, like just _saying_ it out loud is affecting her. The most Kara's ever hoped for is _not_ being important, because she always assumed it wouldn't be for a good reason if she was. Hearing it's actually the opposite, that she _is_ important, and it _helps_ Lena—she just, doesn't know what to do with that. "We're not sure why it happens, but some fae share a connection to the source, so they're basically linked to each other from the moment they're born. It usually means their magic is more powerful, which isn't always a big deal or enough to mean anything, but having royal blood _and_ being linked to you—"

"Makes _you_ dangerous?" Kara asks, offering half a smile.

Lena laughs then clamps her teeth into her bottom lip. "To put it bluntly, yeah," she agrees. "I think Lillian knew that killing you would've stopped me from becoming stronger than her. I guess once she realized that wasn't happening, she decided to take it out on everyone else."

"You said she wouldn't do that, though. In the forest."

"I don't want to believe she would," Lena frowns. Part of Kara wants to point out everything Lillian's done in the human realm, but the other part of her recognizes that Lena grew up with Lillian. She knows better than anyone that love is a weird thing, that you can hate a person and think they're bad and _still_ hold them as a light in your life. "It's not just about power, like. Killing you would take away a piece of me. I'd _feel_ it, you know? Even if we never met. So, I guess I just don't want to believe she'd do that to me. But I suppose that's naive."

"No, I think it's fair," Kara comforts. "She's your mom, or was at least there to be."

"I feel like I don't know her anymore," Lena mumbles. "I'm not - I don't have any misgivings, I know she's done bad things. I just always thought maybe there was something salvageable in there. I thought if it came down to it, she'd realize I mean more to her than she lets on, but it feels like I don't, and that sucks. And it feels wrong to ask you to care about me being sad about that, but—"

"Hey, I care," Kara says fast, wrapping Lena in a tight hug. She rests her hands in the middle of Lena's back, where she's used to settling them now, right underneath where Lena's wings connect when she's not masking them. She just wants to give Lena the world. She wants to laugh with her and love her forever, watch her grow plants and climb trees and play with her hair every night when she's falling asleep. She wants Lena to always feel as important as _she_ does whenever Lena looks at her, so she'll _always_ care if something changes that. "I don't even wish bad things on Lillian, you know? I never have, and I still don't even with knowing this. It's okay if you don't think as little of her as she thinks of you. It's also okay if you _do_. How you feel is just, _okay_. No matter what it is. And I'll always care."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [TUMBLR](https://valkyrieskwad.tumblr.com/) and [TWITTER](https://twitter.com/VaIkyrieSquad). Come hang out with me!
> 
> <3


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